If you are receiving this, then I'm dead. I know that sounds rather casual to say. But then, I've been dodging the Great Beyond for the last thirty years of my life, and it's not quite so scary anymore. I just wanted to tell you both that even if I haven't been a very big part of your lives, I love you and think of you often. I'd hoped that I would get to visit you sometime soon, but it always seems that every time I try to take a bit of time off, I end up in the midst of some new Adventurous Emergency that hits the news the next day and gets made into a Vid episode.

Hasabi, I just wanted you to know that I miss your cinnamon rolls. I experimented with making some for myself, but when my attempts don't end in charcoal, they just don't taste right without you there, smiling at me over your tea. Those three weeks we spent together were the best of my life... I bless you for putting up with me. I was a wreck back then: rude, inconsiderate, losing my faith, and losing my will to fight. You gave me a reason to live, clean up my act, and so much more. You gave me a son, and I wish that I could have stayed with you. I wish that I could have been there to see him born and grow up. I'll always feel like I let both of you down by not being there.

I dreamed of having a family in a society that wasn't war-torn and on the edge of fear and panic - I wanted to sit in the garden and drink tea with you while our son played with his Bond, and I'd teach him all about model ship building.

Vathion, I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me, for playing the bad guy about your grades, and for just never being there. You can't know how much I wanted to be. I wanted to.

It seems hopeless from this end, but I keep trying, for you, for Hasabi, for all the other children of this bloody war. Honestly, I've been miserable. I'm torn between wanting to be with you and wanting to play the Hero and save the day so that everyone will have hope and dreams for the future so that they'll keep on fighting. And I'm sorry, but the ugly truth of it is that my feelings don't matter in this wide universe, and if I want my dream to come true, even if I die, I have to play the part.

***

Vathion sniffled, wiped his face with his sleeve, and blinked a few more times. Hasabi still had the bathroom door firmly closed. He could hear her sniffling still. Natan's letter rambled for several pages, filled with stupid jokes amid his regrets. Occasionally, Hasabi giggled, sounding strange amongst her sniffles. Natan had apparently been unable to let his beloved and son sit and cry for long. He had to go out with a laugh and pose.

Coming to the final lines, Vathion paused and swallowed. "Hasabi, I've got everything set up for you, and I'm really sorry." It felt weird calling his mother by her name. "Vathion. You'll do fine. I'll watch out for you both, wherever I am."

Folding the papers, he sat silently, staring at the wall opposite the bathroom door. He could see the oven from his current position. Afternoon sunlight streamed in through the window over the kitchen sink. The dust danced in the shafts of light.

"His will," Hasabi said from the bathroom, "Did he send that?"

Licking his lips, Vathion said, "Yeah." Flipping through the printouts, he came to the last page. He paused at the mailing address. It had been sent to the Imperial Records Agency, himself, and an anonymous mailbox.

"First: my money goes to Hasabi Mayles. She knows my account numbers and whatnot. Second: Vathion Gannatet inherits my title as Earl of Teviot. Third: Vathion Gannatet receives all my possessions."

Wasted no time changing my name, Vathion noted glumly, further unenthused by the idea of receiving Natan's noble title. Teviot was deserted, having been abandoned due to the economics of maintaining a brand-new station right after the war started. It really just meant Vathion had to deal with a different set of Imperial taxes. Gatas had already told him that he owned his father's fleet. I don't need to be on the fleet to own it. Owning it just meant he had final say on who was hired and who they got repairs from. Odd about that last name, though. It wasn't a common last name, though he immediately thought of the old couple next door.

He shook his head and focused on the will again. His breath left him in shock.

Hasabi called, "Vath?"

When he didn't answer, Hasabi opened the door. He slid back with it, having been leaning on it. She caught his head before it hit the floor.

"Mom... No. I'm sixteen. He's insane!"

Her gaze was sympathetic. She'd washed her face earlier, her hair damp, but it hadn't fixed the red splotches she now had from crying. "I knew he'd get you into that uniform someday." She gently stroked his hair back.

Blinking, he shook his head, "But Mom! I can't! I can't do this! I'm not... I can't!"

Expression hardening, Hasabi pinched his cheek. "Stop that! I didn't raise a coward; you didn't get it from your father. You'd better start packing. You're going to be on that ship for a while."

Sitting up, he turned to look at her, shocked by the insanity of her response.  "But - I can't!" Vathion's voice squeaked upwards. "I'm not old enough!" Tears stung his eyes as he looked towards his mother, "I've just barely graduated from school!"

Hasabi pinched him again. "You stop that. You stop it now. You can do this. Your father trusts you to do it. Get up and go start packing. Take your game with you, I'll give you the number to call me with, so don't forget to talk to me." She stood, wiping her face with her hands as she put on a brave expression.

Heart dropping into the floor, he stared up at her. "What? You're not going with me?"

Hasabi shook her head. "He said he has everything set up for me. I've probably been given somewhere safe to live until... The number I'll give you can reach me anywhere." She offered her hands down to him. "I'll be all right. He's made sure that I'll be safe. Go pack. I'll make dinner."

He ignored her hands, not trusting himself to stand. "But why can't you come with me?"

She gave him a long, hard look.

"Wouldn't you be just as safe with me on the Fleet?" Vathion gripped her pant leg.

Her eyes narrowed; a dangerous sign.

Hanging his head, Vathion released her. Stumbling to his feet, he headed to his room. Pausing at the door, he looked back, "Dad sent his autobiography too."

Hasabi still stood by the bathroom door, her face tear-streaked and eyes watery.

None of this made sense. Pushing her wet hair back from her face, Hasabi crossed the hall to the kitchen. Was she putting on a show of being strong?

What is even going on? he asked Jathas.

Entering his room, Vathion looked around what remained of his things. He'd already begun packing over the last week, so most of it was already put away. However, he had been waiting to take the last few things he used daily.

"Make sure to take your game!" Hasabi called from the kitchen.

Dropping down to sit on the edge of his bed, Vathion looked at the papers in his hand.

Disengaging, Jathas slithered out of Vathion's shirt and onto the bed beside him. "How do you think people are going to take this news?" he asked.

Heart sinking again, Vathion groaned. It had been a passing thought earlier, but it suddenly hit him. "This is going to be really bad." He dropped the papers to the floor and covered his face with both hands.

"Vath?" Jathas said. "Look... I know you're kind of overwhelmed, but this is your problem now. What are you going to do?"

"Do?" Lowering his hands, Vathion looked at his friend in horror. "What can I do? Once everyone finds out, it's going to be absolute chaos!"

"And you're going to be admiral of the Fleet. You're going to have to take control of it." Jathas stepped onto his thigh. "Vath. You can do this. You won't be alone. I'll be there."

Climbing Vathion's sleeve, Jathas pulled himself into Vathion's palm.

"I'm... not even really sad about him dying... What's wrong with me?" Vathion choked. "I'm terrified of everything else." Giving in, he lifted the lizard close to his face, resting his forehead against Jathas' tiny hands.

"It's okay," the lizard whispered soothingly, pressing in closer. "You're just being intelligent about it. Besides, it's not like you knew him very well. It's okay, though. I'll be with you. No matter what happens, I'll stay with you."

Sniffling, Vathion wiped his eyes again. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'm going to need it, I think."

Jathas flicked his ears in agreement.