That day, Shimizu Souma was said to pass away at the age of 19. His whole family grieved and his peers were in shock; Although the sun was high up and shining like it should be, somehow, the world felt cold and silent, as if it had lost its brilliance. Everything that day was beautiful, just like him. He had his portrait up just right above his urn and people would look at it talking about the good memories they had with him, just like any funeral would be like.

Souma was a very cheerful person. He was also very kind and warm to everyone he met; he had a smile that was so contagious that you’ll forget you even had problems of your own to think about. Souma, he was almost perfect and flawless; except that behind his kind-hearted and cheerful nature, he really just wanted to escape. He would come to me asking if I wanted to run away with him, although he tried hiding the truth with a smile to make things lighter, I knew he was being honest. But now, he’s gone, and I can’t even fulfill that for him. Before he disappeared, I was told that he was calling out my name. Why wouldn’t they just let me go? It’s painful but it is prohibited for me to see him.

I regret just staying silent about everything that he was going through. I should have just accepted his offer in running away. What was I so scared about? The smile of a boy I loved the most was gone just like that. He disappeared and left me with all this pain to endure. I treasured him so much even if I didn’t get to see him as often, but we had a bond that no one could break. That’s why he wanted to run away with me. We could have just turned our backs on the fate that was decided for the both of us. It was okay, we had each other. It was supposed to be okay. Now, things just got even more complicated and I was devastated.

A month passed and the commotion about his passing has calmed down. I locked myself up in my room hoping that better days would come. But to my surprise, My mother came in and approached me, she hugged me tight saying as she cried,

“He’s awake. But―! Kyouma, come back!” She added raising her voice at me as I didn’t let her finish what she was saying. I ran as fast as I could to a room completely hidden from sight. No one was allowed to go in there but me, my dad, my mother, and a private doctor. My grandfather never really cared to even take a peek.

From the outside, I could hear an oxygen tank and the pulse oximeter machine beep. I used to just stand outside this room and be satisfied just from hearing a stable sound from the machine. I couldn’t bear to see him in this state, I wouldn’t be able to take it. As I stood outside and finally got my hand to hold on to the doorknob, my dad approached me and pat me on my shoulder.

“I think it’s time you see him.” He said with a pained smile on his face but his words sounded very reassuring.

I was still reluctant on going inside the room, but I think I’ve waited and stopped myself long enough. I slowly opened the door and immediately the cold air coming from the air conditioner escaped, the strong scent of sterile equipment and alcohol greeted me. The room was cold and lifeless, also unbearably quiet. It was early in the morning and the sun rises on this side of the house. I successfully opened the door, and adjusted my eyes to the sun’s glare since the door was directly facing the window. Was it really alright to have the window shades open like this right away?

As my eyes started to adjust to the light, I could already see his silhouette. That beautiful long crimson hair that rested up until his shoulders gave me goosebumps as my eyes adjusted completely. I could now see his frame clearly. He was sitting on the hospital bed looking outside the window, but as I observed further, his body looked really weak. He lost a lot of weight and looked so frail. I was holding back my tears from falling because this is the first time I’ve seen him in a month after being isolated.

I took a step forward, somehow scared and unsure of what to say to him after all this time. Is he okay? How is he feeling? Is he, perhaps, upset with me? I didn’t know how to start up a conversation with him but I missed him so much, I’m about to break. I took a deep breath and made my way to him, trying not to come up as too assertive, and I think he felt me fumbling my way to him.

“Darling, I tried to stop him from coming here.” My mother arrived having a worried look on her face as she stood beside my father.

“It’s okay, we can’t keep him in the dark forever. He still is his brother, no matter what we do.” My father said as he looked sternly at my mother before looking back at me. I was honestly at a loss for words because it seemed that there was more to this than I knew.

I looked back at the person on the bed, this time he was looking straight at me. His eyes looking straight at me, with no emotion whatsoever. His hair was longer than when I last saw him, he looked thinner but he was still as beautiful as I remembered him to be. Tears started falling down my cheeks, because it was as if my fears and sadness went away just by seeing him. I felt lighter. I wanted to hug him right away but that might be too much right now. He continued to stare at me, but this time he reached his hand out towards my face. I took his hand and sat down beside him on the edge of the bed as I placed his hand on my cheek.

I stared back into his lifeless eyes, I knew there was something wrong; but for his sake I wanted him to tell me what was wrong instead of asking.

“Souma.” I tried to say as my voice cracked from the pain in my throat, I felt as if I was choking. I couldn’t say his name properly. It’s been a while since I’ve said it.

And at that moment, Souma started crying too, tears fell from his eyes showing a bit of emotion. He looked as if he was shocked and fascinated at the same time, so he pulled me towards him weakly, probably because his motor skills have been affected too from being bed-ridden for so long.

“Kyou―ma-.” he stuttered my name out. It sounded more of a whisper, he hasn’t spoken in a while but I knew he was calling out for me.

“I…I’m sorry, Kyouma. I’m sorry, I’m sorry―.” Souma started apologizing to me as his voice gradually became a pained chant.


I embraced him tightly, I could now feel how much weight he’s lost but I stayed there until he calmed down.

“What are you apologizing for? I should have kept you company. I should be the one apologizing.” I whispered to him as I hushed him from crying.

Souma did calm down, but he just sobbed the whole time as he remained silent. I held his head and pulled it over to my chest and locked fingers with his hand. I wanted to assure him that I will not leave his side anymore. Never.

I looked over to our parents who were still there, witnessing all of this and their expressions were something I couldn’t forget. My father caught my mother who fell on her knees as she cried and that was also the first time I saw my father cry.

“What’s wrong?” I mindlessly asked out of surprise. Because it’s impossible for them to cry and act that way, just because we met again.

“The doctor confirmed that he lost most of his memories. He only remembers his name, but not what happened to him before that or the reason he did it. Souma doesn’t even remember who we are…but why, does he remember you?” My father said, his voice shaking.

“I guess, he can never forget his twin brother.” My mother smiled as she wiped her tears away.

Yes, my name is Shimizu Kyouma and I’m Souma’s twin brother.

I am the twin that was hidden from society because of a family tradition that believes having twins as children is considered a bad omen. Basically no one, apart from trusted family members, know about my existence. But of course, my family wasn’t that evil. Our parents loved us both dearly and never treated us differently but the problem was our grandfather. He is unable to accept the fact that we were born this way so, either way, I had to stay inside the main house having a wing all to myself. It was said that a long time ago, our clan had a pair of twins but for some reason, their feud tore the clan into factions which was apparent until now. As far as I know, the each of the twins gained support from their family members and constituents that they broke off and took sides. And to cut the story short, the Shimizu clan was known for helping out in the war and at the same time going against it to the point that they had to slaughter even their own people. Of course, they didn’t want this to happen again so having twins in the family is prohibited.

Souma had a normal life as a kid. He went to school, had friends, and did other things that I wasn’t able to do being cooped up in this old mansion. In my end, I was home schooled until high school and not having any social interaction. Maybe at one point I was jealous of him, but Souma never failed to make me feel as if I was left out. He would bring home cakes from cafe’s he’s been to and would bring food I’ve never tried. So I realized that there was nothing to get jealous about because I had the best brother anyone could have.

Everything I did had boundaries but Souma was there for me. He had so much dreams that I was included in, but me being negative in nature, believed it wasn’t possible considering the situation we were in. Souma was against our grandfather and he really didn’t want to be a successor to this clan’s messed up beliefs. Also, if he becomes the clan’s new deputy, that would mean I wouldn’t be able to live the way I wanted at all. I will be stuck in this place until the day I pass on without anyone knowing anything about me. Souma was always thinking about me that he forgot himself.

That was the reason why he decided to commit suicide. It was for me. Souma thought it was a good idea to die just to give me a chance to live. Why does it have to be that way? Why does one have to sacrifice for the well-being of the other? I hated it. He wrote this on a letter that I found in his room after he was rushed to the hospital. I was in so much pain. I didn’t want to lose him that way.

All of these happened 2 years ago. I am now 21 years old, attending university as a 3rd year aiming a degree in Psychology and living on my own. I visit Souma often, because this time, he wasn’t in the condition to be shown in public anymore. His memory gradually improved, he remembers my parents now and my grandfather, also the reason why he decided to disappear. He also now expresses himself better, although unlike his old self, I want to help him go back to the way he used to be. But this time, he will be under my care.

My grandfather had no use of him anymore, so I wonder what’s next. He faked Souma’s death and now I’m out in public. How horrible can he get?