Joined Jan 2019 Wishing I was in an anime world
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Hi hi!
Cake
Tom
Hi.
My name is T o m, or Tom.
My last story was about the time my wife, Hattie, snapped some pics of me sleeping.
At the end I asked the question, "Why am I married to her?".
I will tell you the story on how we met and got married.
We met last week.
Hattie was on tinder, like normal.
I was on Facebook when my ex-bro Rob told me I should download tinder.
I ALWAYS listened to Rob.
Ah, good times.
AnyTom, I did download Tinder.
I matched with an old woman named Hattie.
Me, Tom, was reading my daily newspaper like normal. When I get hungry, I nibble on the newspapers.
I was hungry.
The newspaper was in my mouth.
ANYTOM, I almost spat the newspaper out of my mouth when I saw that I matched with Hattie.
Hattie made it on the news!!
We started talking and.. in a day..
I asked the question
"Will you marry me, Hattie?".
Our relationship might've been online but I didn't want it just to be that.
We met and that's when I asked her for real.
She said yes.
There is a massive but not so massive
Age difference between the two of us.
We did however get married.
That was.. one of the best mistakes in my life.
I don't wanna be married to this lady anymore.
Rob
Why?
My name is T o m, or Tom.
My last story was about the time my wife, Hattie, snapped some pics of me sleeping.
At the end I asked the question, "Why am I married to her?".
I will tell you the story on how we met and got married.
We met last week.
Hattie was on tinder, like normal.
I was on Facebook when my ex-bro Rob told me I should download tinder.
I ALWAYS listened to Rob.
Ah, good times.
AnyTom, I did download Tinder.
I matched with an old woman named Hattie.
Me, Tom, was reading my daily newspaper like normal. When I get hungry, I nibble on the newspapers.
I was hungry.
The newspaper was in my mouth.
ANYTOM, I almost spat the newspaper out of my mouth when I saw that I matched with Hattie.
Hattie made it on the news!!
We started talking and.. in a day..
I asked the question
"Will you marry me, Hattie?".
Our relationship might've been online but I didn't want it just to be that.
We met and that's when I asked her for real.
She said yes.
There is a massive but not so massive
Age difference between the two of us.
We did however get married.
That was.. one of the best mistakes in my life.
I don't wanna be married to this lady anymore.
Rob
Why?
Hello. My name is Tom and here is my story.
I start my day off reading a newspaper. In fact, I keep five stacks of newspapers beside my bed.
My wife, Hattie, always tries to sneak pics of me sleeping. She's never gotten one, I thought..
This time she was being smart. Something Hattie has never even thought of doing. Her being smart, or acting smart was just out of the picture. Not even in my best, or worst, dreams.. will Hattie ever be smart. She was only smart this one time in her whole life.
Let me explain.
I go to bed everyday at 11, making me fall asleep at 11:10.
I can't see what happens to me when I am asleep so after 11:10 is when Hattie stricks.
Me and Hattie share a bedroom/bed by the way.
Okay, anyTom, Hattie had bought a Night Eye.
Whatever that is.
She put her tiny flip phone in between the ears and snapped a pic. She snapped ten pics.
Pics of me, TOM.. THE TOM, sleeping.
I sure do look cute when I am asleep.
That is not the thing.
She wasn't done.
Hattie sat next to me and took CLOSE UPS.
You wanna know how many close ups she got?
Two.
Two WHOLE close ups of MY FACE.
I mean like...
I AM TOM !!!
GRRR...
AnyTom, she printed out the pics she took and now they're on my wall.
I thought I needed to get her back.
This time, when I would go to sleep, I would cover up my face and pretend I was asleep.
Turns out, Hattie goes to bed at three am everynight/day.
I got up.
I was scared because Hattie is a light sleeper.
I passed the kitchen.. I almost pansted myself in the kitchen but I pushed through and grabbed Hattie's phone.
I sat down beside Hattie and took fifteen selfies of her and I.
She was drooling in her sleep.
EW.
I always drool in my sleep but when I do it, it's cute.
When Hattie does it it's gross and weird.
I put a pic of us drooling together as her home screen. When Hattie woke up, she hugged me and thanked me.
Why am I married to her again?
I start my day off reading a newspaper. In fact, I keep five stacks of newspapers beside my bed.
My wife, Hattie, always tries to sneak pics of me sleeping. She's never gotten one, I thought..
This time she was being smart. Something Hattie has never even thought of doing. Her being smart, or acting smart was just out of the picture. Not even in my best, or worst, dreams.. will Hattie ever be smart. She was only smart this one time in her whole life.
Let me explain.
I go to bed everyday at 11, making me fall asleep at 11:10.
I can't see what happens to me when I am asleep so after 11:10 is when Hattie stricks.
Me and Hattie share a bedroom/bed by the way.
Okay, anyTom, Hattie had bought a Night Eye.
Whatever that is.
She put her tiny flip phone in between the ears and snapped a pic. She snapped ten pics.
Pics of me, TOM.. THE TOM, sleeping.
I sure do look cute when I am asleep.
That is not the thing.
She wasn't done.
Hattie sat next to me and took CLOSE UPS.
You wanna know how many close ups she got?
Two.
Two WHOLE close ups of MY FACE.
I mean like...
I AM TOM !!!
GRRR...
AnyTom, she printed out the pics she took and now they're on my wall.
I thought I needed to get her back.
This time, when I would go to sleep, I would cover up my face and pretend I was asleep.
Turns out, Hattie goes to bed at three am everynight/day.
I got up.
I was scared because Hattie is a light sleeper.
I passed the kitchen.. I almost pansted myself in the kitchen but I pushed through and grabbed Hattie's phone.
I sat down beside Hattie and took fifteen selfies of her and I.
She was drooling in her sleep.
EW.
I always drool in my sleep but when I do it, it's cute.
When Hattie does it it's gross and weird.
I put a pic of us drooling together as her home screen. When Hattie woke up, she hugged me and thanked me.
Why am I married to her again?
Let me tell you a little short story.
This one might hit home for some people.
One time there was a hot man named Rob.
This man was always hot, though.
Rob had a best friend.
Who was his best friend?
Oh, his name was Tom.
Indeed it was Tom.
Tom always was in the kitchen.
"Don't come in here when I am in here." Tom always said to Rob before he went into the kitchen.
Rob never was in the kitchen at the same time as Tom. That was until.. one night.
Rob had always wondered what Tom was doing in there...
When Tom told Rob not to go in at the same time, Rob pretended he left.. but.. ..
Rob peeked his head out when Tom was in there.
Rob's eyes widened and he covered his mouth.
The sight was unbelievable!
Tom grabbed his pants and pulled them done.
As he did this, Rob screamed.
Tom looked around him and saw Rob.
This is why Tom and Rob aren't friends anymore..
The end.
This one might hit home for some people.
One time there was a hot man named Rob.
This man was always hot, though.
Rob had a best friend.
Who was his best friend?
Oh, his name was Tom.
Indeed it was Tom.
Tom always was in the kitchen.
"Don't come in here when I am in here." Tom always said to Rob before he went into the kitchen.
Rob never was in the kitchen at the same time as Tom. That was until.. one night.
Rob had always wondered what Tom was doing in there...
When Tom told Rob not to go in at the same time, Rob pretended he left.. but.. ..
Rob peeked his head out when Tom was in there.
Rob's eyes widened and he covered his mouth.
The sight was unbelievable!
Tom grabbed his pants and pulled them done.
As he did this, Rob screamed.
Tom looked around him and saw Rob.
This is why Tom and Rob aren't friends anymore..
The end.
What was that last thing I shared
What the-
What is wrong with me.
Suddenly, I feel the need to question life.
What the-
What is wrong with me.
Suddenly, I feel the need to question life.
Pee
For
Me
For
Me
Me and Bob pulling up to steal the Homeless guy's shoes, marker, and sign
