When we first arrived at the site, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was the most gorgeous scenery– a cave with an open field in front of it– surrounded by tall trees. The leaves were the most vibrant orange and red, mixed with green, marking the beginning stages of Fall. It would give us the perfect camouflage for training, on top of being breathtaking. 

In our relief at arriving safely, Cyrus had immediately thrown down his gear and shoved his face with a roll of bread. We chatted quietly for a short while, slowly eating our own food. Not soon after, we rolled out our thin blankets inside the cave to get a good night's rest.

The sunrise shone brightly this morning, an orange hue brightening up the sky. It was a beautiful day to train. Contrary to what we thought, the first step of the process wasn’t very physical. 

“Meditation is the best way to observe yourself from the outside,” Serf Seraphiel told me, getting into a seated, upright posture. “The best way to get into the mindset is to try to focus on nothing for a while. Clear your mind.”

Cyrus started to whine, “Aww, Dad I thought there would be more action! I wanted to show off my sparring skills.”

“We will get to that later,” his father responded, rubbing his forehead in slight frustration. “If we don’t have her practice regulating her emotions first, she will just spiral– and quickly.” He looked over at Cy’s dejected face, and responded quite sarcastically, “Unless, you want her to go into a full demonic rampage on you, Cy.” 

Cyrus’s eyes widened and he shook his head violently. “Meditation it is!”

“What is ‘observing myself from the outside’ going to do?” I asked, curiously.

“Well,” Serf Seraphiel explains, “When you look at your thoughts and emotions objectively, not letting your heart get in the way– you will be able to pinpoint if they are really your thoughts and emotions or not.”

I sat on the ground, mimicking the position of his father. “Alright, where do I start?” I ask.

Serf Seraphiel closes his eyes, indicating for me to do the same. “Think of nothing. Focus on your breathing.”

Alright, sounds easy enough.

I closed my eyes, slowly breathing in and out. I listened to the birds chirping around us, singing their morning songs, and imagined the godrays I had seen through the trees earlier. It was actually pretty peaceful and I pushed myself further, trying to imagine absolute nothingness. All I did was try to focus through my eyelids and the darkness that surrounded them. After a while, I figured I was getting the hang of it.

*crunch crunch*

Ignore it.

*crunch crunch chew*

I peel my eyelids open and glare at Cyrus, who is now eating a carrot as he watches us, leaning back against the wall.

“Can you stop chewing so loudly?” I snap.

“I’m helping you,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders.

“How is that helping? You’re purposely annoying me!”

“Dad said you have to think of nothing but you’re focusing on me right now. Sounds like I’m giving you practice,” Cyrus states, matter of factly.

His father shushes us. “Meditate, Noemi,” he says sternly. 

I get back into position, giving one last glare to Cy as he sticks his orange tongue out at me– chewed carrot chunks laying over top of it. 

That’s disgusting.

I practice my breathing again, trying to imagine a void. No matter how much I tried though, I realized I’m still thinking.

How do you sit here and think of nothing? Even when I try to think of nothing, I’m still thinking about thinking of nothing. This is impossible.

I breathe out, angrily, but I keep my eyes closed. My legs started tingling with the need for movement. I shifted slightly, trying to relieve myself of the desperation I felt. 

“Noemi, control your frustration,” Serf Seraphiel tells me.

“This is impossible…” I mutter. “How do I just turn my brain off like that?”

“You don’t,” he replies. “That’s the point. If you focus on getting your mind as close enough as possible to nothingness, then you leave less space for the emotions that follow your thoughts.”

I realized at that moment just how wise Serf Seraphiel was. Is this what he does to keep his emotions so expertly under control? It’s as if a comet could fall in the field right in front of us, and he would be the calmest person in the world.

After a few hours of meditation, Serf Seraphiel agreed we needed a way to stretch our legs. We walked into the field before us and Cyrus jumped for joy at the idea of sparring.

“I call dibs on the staff!” he exclaimed, excitedly. 

“Not you, yet,” Serf Seraphiel explained to him, “I need you to watch on the sidelines, ready to heal any injuries.”

“But, Dad-” he started.

“No ‘but’, we aren’t yet sure how powerful this Demon can become when he is able to take over, and he will go after whoever is directly in his way. I don’t want you getting hurt too badly,” his father replied. 

“I never get to do the fun stuff.”

He put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “While you might think your ability isn’t ‘cool’, you will realize one day how extremely important you are to have around.”

Cy’s expression immediately brightened a bit, understanding the gravity of his father’s words. As he moved to the side, his face full of determination- he said, “I’ll watch.”

Serf Seraphiel bent down, readying himself in a fighting position. “Alright, Noemi. Use your ability to try and throw me against that tree over there,” he motioned to our side. “Don’t be afraid to give it everything you’ve got.”

I nodded. I wasn’t afraid my ability would hurt Serf Seraphiel too much because, for some reason, the Seraphiel's have always been able to handle pain better than most. 

I got into my stance, my legs spread to my shoulder width, and my body turned slightly to maintain my balance. With all my energy focused, I raised my arms at him and flung my hands to the right, towards the tree.

He didn’t budge.

I tried again. Then again, and again, and again– but to no avail. Frustration swept through me, and I started outrageously throwing my arms back and forth, in an attempt to move him– but his ability kept him grounded.

“Keep your emotions in check, Noemi,” he said, delicately. “Remember the meditation. Try to do that as you attempt to focus your energy.”

I tried to listen to his advice, but he still wouldn’t budge. Suddenly, a small rock hits my forehead. Serf Seraphiel used his magic to chuck it at me, with only a flick of his finger. It wasn’t hard enough to cause severe damage, but just enough to hurt. Then, another rock hits me again. My irritation became overwhelming.

How was it this easy for him to use his ability while I’m putting my whole body in it?

“UGH!” I shouted. “This isn’t working!”

“Control,” he repeated, calmly, looking into my eyes.

“I’m trying,” I say back, through gritted teeth. My anger is swelling even more and my mind is racing. 

I can’t do this. No matter how hard I try, I can’t control him. I can’t even control myself. This is just proving how futile trying to help me is– I’m a lost cause. 

The King is going to find out what I am. I’m just a threat to everyone around me– it would be the best for everyone to just run far away from here. I could live in No Man’s Land, away from everyone else! 

I could-

“Control him, Noemi. He is trying to make you give up,” Serf Seraphiel calls out. “Even I can see that you aren’t yourself right now– it’s written all over you. Meditate to discern who is actually thinking. Is that you or him?”

I contemplate his words. 

He’s right. As much as I hate the Veil, I now have people there who love me. I have Cy and Serf Seraphiel.

This isn’t me.

“Do you really think that this stupid game is going to get rid of me, Alden Seraphiel?” a sinister voice crawls out of my throat. My eyes grow wide in fear and I stop in my tracks. Kako’s voice– it sounds so different to how he spoke before, chilling me to my very core.

The wind around us immediately picked up, growing so cold it sent shivers down all of our spines. Goosebumps formed on my extremities– painful ones. He’s back again. This was different from last time. Now, I am aware of what is happening. I am directing my own movements.

…Or, am I?

"What the fuuuuu-" Cy breathes out, his eyes wide in shock.

Serf Seraphiel just smirked, relaxing his body from his fighting stance. With the calmest, most childlike voice, he said, “There you are."

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