“Sardius, I want you to tell me why there were only eleven men in the whole universe who would suit me,” Jenna asked, mostly buried in sand, because that was almost like wearing clothes and it was cooler than getting burnt by the heat lamps.

“It’s probably because their system for choosing lovers is flawed, broken, and excludes men who don’t qualify for the test.”

“Really? Tell me more,” she encouraged.

“I know for a fact that it doesn’t include men old enough to be your father or young enough to be your son. Considering the different rates some Adamis races mature, the loophole is unforgivable. It will also exclude men who are too far away from you on the Adamis genetic spectrum, such as guys who have extra limbs or body parts that are incompatible for mating with you. Clearly, it doesn’t include any Octavians. If all that wasn’t enough, it would also exclude men who didn’t fit your physical preferences. Which is why Armen looks the way he does. Doesn’t he make your tongue sweat?”

Jenna smirked. “He did when I first saw him, but he’s pretty much a dick, so no.”

“Hilariously,” Sardius continued, “according to the test, even though you only prefer zero point one to the trillionth power of men in the universe, you are actually most men’s type. Most men find you attractive as a mate. Many other personal assistants are not given access to diplomatic officials when they shower. I get access because I can’t touch you and Favel is terrified that naked pictures of you will be leaked by the Adamis members of our orbital security team.”

Jenna scoffed. “I can’t imagine anyone being interested in such a thing.”

“Why?” Sardius asked curiously. “I just told you that most men in the universe would find you an attractive mate, so why do you think no one would be interested in pictures of you? I thought you knew your value when you exiled Lucy because you don’t want a spare.”

“I dunno,” Jenna muttered. “On Earth, I was probably only a couple of ticks above average.”

“You’re far above average.”

Now it was Jenna’s turn to ask curiously, “Why?”

“Shall we go down the list of attributes that are valued highest by Adamis men across the known universe?”

Jenna stifled her chuckle. Why had she doubted him? Sardius was very amusing. She didn’t think she’d ever talked to a person over the phone who was as much fun as him. “Go on.”

“Firstly, you are not gullible. Instead, you lean toward being wary. On Earth, two hundred and twelve attempts were made to kidnap you, and all of them failed. The only reason Armen succeeded was because of your desire to mate with a worthy male. Any man in the universe would be very impressed by that.”

“Armen wasn’t impressed by me. If anything, he seems more impressed by Lucy.”

“No, but Armen’s a dick.”

“You’re only saying that because I said that,” Jenna sang in a singsong voice.

“No, I’m not. I’m saying it because he’s a dick. I asked them not to hire him when they consulted me, but I was overruled.”

“Why didn’t they listen to you?”

Sardius sucked in his breath in a way that made Jenna forget she was talking to a tiny octopus in her ear. “I’ve had too much experience in combat, not diplomacy. I’m apparently very well suited to keeping you safe, but I’m not the voice the Octavians want to hear when they were choosing who to give you as a companion. They kept insisting that you needed someone who was an experienced diplomat as well as someone who matched your personal preferences. They thought Armen was a real find, practically God’s gift. I did ask them not to use the universal marching algorithm and, instead, to choose someone based on my recommendation, but it was not to be.”

“You sound unpopular. It almost sounds like you would have had a hard time getting the job you have now if no one wants to listen to you. Was that a struggle?” Jenna asked.

“A bit, but I convinced them. I displayed pictures of the other diplomats who had suffered bloody ends and asked them if they thought someone else could do a better job protecting you. I told them everything about your situation was risky and they’d be fools to rely on diplomacy alone. They needed at least one soldier by your side, but it is arguable that one in your head is better.”

“Why did you even want the job if they’re so hard to get along with?”

“Because I really wanted to be assigned to you. Also, I had to prove myself by being assigned to Arvantis before you.”

“Why go to all that trouble?” Jenna wondered, a little lost.

He sighed. “A thousand and one reasons. For one, I am very attracted to you.”

“What did you just say?” Jenna asked in shock.

“Uh… Did I say the wrong thing? My translator must be malfunctioning. I meant to say that I think you’re adorable.”

Jenna was dying with mirth as he picked at his words. “I think you still may not have landed on what you’re trying to say. Want to try again?”

“I thought you were a dazzling blonde and that your job was vitally important. If I’m stuck here, and I am, whether I work for you or not, then I want to be one of your servants.” He took a deep breath. “Was that the right thing to say?”

“Sorry for embarrassing you. There’s bound to be a few miscommunications when we’re using software,” Jenna said, letting him off the hook.

“Thank you for being so understanding. I must change the subject. They have released a different kind of food from the food slot.”

Jenna covered her face with her hand. “What is it?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to go over and check it.”

Jenna got up. With all the grace of a princess, she dropped her hands from her vital bits and strode across the tank to see what the new food was.  

There were three round fruits lying next to the place where the worms were.

“Hooray!” Jenna sang.

“Take a bite before you get too excited. I’d also recommend washing it off in the tap water before you eat any. The content of the water our hosts are living in is probably of a much lower quality than what they have offered you to drink.”

Jenna dropped to her knees and washed the fruit in the newest water being deposited in the tank. Without waiting another second, she bit into it.  

“What do you think?”

“It tastes fine to me. Kind of like a plum and a pineapple combined,” Jenna said between mouthfuls. “Except, I can’t eat this only. It’ll give me the runs.” Looking around, Jenna thought of something else. “What happened to the worms that were in a pile here?”

“They slithered away. The Octavians won’t be concerned about that. It will entertain the lizards to hunt for them after we’ve gone.”

“Sardius,” Jenna suddenly whined. “I’m going to have to pee and poop in front of these guys, aren’t I?”

“Like most animals in a tank, yes.”