I slapped at his fading body with my tiny hands with a huff, sneezing as the dust that he turned into wafted up my nose. He gave me information, but I really didn’t trust it. Julian? With blood on his little baby hands? Even in a mad world like this it surely couldn’t be. I took a mental note to ask the Hatter about it once he returned, but I didn’t really want Julian to hear anything about it – then again, I feel like I’d get a clearer response from the child rather than from the man who wears the kind of bow tie a clown would don. As I was going over the information from the strange cat in my mind, I heard fast footsteps in the distance. This for at least a second made me fear meeting another strange person who made no sense and accused others of murder, so naturally, I ducked behind a large tree – however, when I saw that it was just the Hatter, I sighed and walked back out.

“My you look ever so tired!” He chirped with that irritating smile. I gave him a tired grimace and just like usual he did not pick up on any possible negative feelings. From behind his back, he pulled out a bag on a hanger. “I got your new clothes! I didn’t know your size so you’re going to have to grow to its exact measurements but it should hold everything in” With his spare hand, he took a small teacup off the brim of his hat and tilted his head to fill it with his hat teapot, offering both gifts to me. My acceptance of the gifts was very reluctant “Tell me how bad the outfit is before I open the bag” I sniffed the tea just in case it didn’t smell as it should, but I had seen Hatter drinking this stuff for our entire walk so after a little taste I figured it was perfectly safe – however, it was also somehow still warm and I really didn’t want to question that.

“It’s adorable!”

“Oh no”

“You will look exquisitely dapper”

“This is getting worse”

The Hatter sat down on a large rock and wriggled around excitedly, waiting for me to open the clothes bag. The frilly hanger and lace patterned bag really didn’t give me any good feelings.

“Hatter?” I questioned, glancing at him.

“Mhm?” He hummed back.

“Hatter, is this going to be a dress?” He shook his head, still smiling. He couldn’t possibly know the length of my distain for feminine clothing, and I got the visceral feeling that he really wanted to see me in something that would look in place at a fancy tea party, and these two factors could not possibly mix well.

Handing him back the half-empty teacup, I held the coat hanger high above my head and unzipped the delicate looking back. Inside was a pale yellow dress shirt covered in elaborate frills and lace topped with an oversized bow, along with these high blue shorts with buttons and straps. I could see schoolgirl styled shoes at the bottom of the bag and a pair of socks similar to the ones I wore at the start of the day. My dead eyes laid on the contents of the bag for several seconds before shifting over to Hatter, who was waiting for my reaction.

“I picked it myself!”

I continued to just stare. Hatter lifted his hat, revealing a black headband.

“-and to keep your hair out of your face!”

“It’s terrible”

Hatter waved his hands dismissingly “No! It’s very handsome! If you’re going to meet the Red Queen you simply must look noble!” He did kind of have a point but that didn’t mean that I had to like it. The outfit really wasn’t bad, but it was going to make me look like a child demon doll, which is a vibe I don’t particularly resonate with. Maybe if I roughed it up a little it would look more me, but the piece actually looked kind of expensive. Did Hatter pay for this? Does Wonderland work under a capitalist model? Am I going to have to pay him back? Maybe if I don’t mention it he won’t bring it up.

“I mean, it’s better than a skirt I guess”

This compliment of the outfit made the Hatter radiate joy – I can’t even fathom how he would be if I actually genuinely enjoyed looking at this pirate shirt and sailor shorts monstrosity. “Okay-” I inhaled sharply, still studying the piece “Where do I get changed?”

The tea man had the nerve to shrug and merely say “Why, here, of course”.

“What? With you, like, sitting there?”

“I can turn around if you’re embarrassed” He really seemed completely unfazed.

“Embarrassed? You’re a grown ass man! I don’t know you, and I don’t want you seeing me naked! I don’t think that’s all that unusual”

Hatter almost seemed disappointed at my response, but whether it was because I didn’t trust him or that he won’t see me naked will continue to haunt me. He tipped his hat down and turned around on the rock.

“I’ll face this way seeing that you’re so shy!”

Huffing, I took a Spurt Heart out of my bag and looked at it. A flood of memories came back.

“Hatter?” I asked again, this time my tone less threatening.

“Mhm?” He hummed again, this time less energetic and more curious.

“… Last time I had one of these the growth really hurt and I was really scared… is it like that every time?”

“Oh Ace, I- wait can I turn around?” He had started turning and paused suddenly.

“Yes but only if you have something actually useful to say”

He stopped to consider the usefulness of his comment before continuing to turn around to make eye contact. I found it hard to see his dead eye from the shadows of his hat brim.

“Spurt Hearts are very common for us in Wonderland, but as an Overworlder I can understand that the first time would be scary. They have a strong effect that the body has to get used to, but with your first time out of the way, it should hurt much less, and when expecting it, it should be less scary. I assume you had an entire heart your first time? I suggest only biting a corner for this round.” It was the most sincere and lucid that I had ever seen him, the mood change just as jarring as when he would occasionally say something dark. Although, it also sounded like he was describing taking drugs. When I didn’t respond immediately, he continued “If you’re still scared, I can hold your hand-“

“Absolutely not” I snapped back but was almost tempted to accept the offer in hopes of calming my nerves just a little. “Maybe just… don’t look at me but continue to talk to me so I know you haven’t left?”

He turned back around with a nod. “What do you want me to talk about? Riddles? Recipes? I could instruct you on hat making?”

Loosening the singlet around my chest to make sure I’m not injured or distressed by any tightness like my first experience, I stepped a little behind a bush just in case “Uh, tempting but god no. I was actually wondering if you could tell me what a bluff is? I heard it in passing but wasn’t given an explanation” As I spoke, I did as I was instructed and only bit off around a third of the spongy textured candy.

“A bluff? Well, that’s me!” Once again I felt the numbness and bloating as he started to respond.

“Elaborate, Hatter.” I knelt down to stop myself from losing balance.

“Yes yes!” Hatter piped up and I could see him doing his little head nod that made his hat rattle. “A Bluff is what we call an unruled citizen! Banished or born outside of the kingdoms. Usually either we or our family escaped execution, or we just kind of wandered off and forgot our keys” Without the restriction of my previous clothes, the sensation of growing was much less crushing and somewhat more like a minor asthma attack. Fatigue then swept over me, but the experience overall hurt from the memory of the first time as opposed to the current feeling.

“Explain… the kingdoms… please, Hatter” I was wheezing a little and Hatter almost glanced at me from what I truly believe was concern. “Not yet… just talk”

“Don’t push yourself! I have tea and biscuits if you’re tired, but unfortunately no coffee” I laid the outfit bag on the soft path in front of me as I grew, trying to judge my current size “Stay…. On topic”

“Oh yes of course! There are two main kingdoms in Wonderland – Red and Black” I noticed that the shirt was rather sheer, so I rearranged my singlet, having to knot it to make it fit. It felt as if the shirt was made of silk, and thanks to my singlet it actually fit nicely. The massive bow tie was horrendous but it covered up the evidence of the torn and stained singlet underneath.

“Within the rule of the Black Kingdom is Spade City and Club Town, much like the Red Kingdom with Heart City and Diamond Town. Many woodlands outside of the Kingdoms belong to either queen, but residents outside of workers rarely leave the Kingdom gates. There’s also occasional Jester Villages which are commonly full of bluffs, but me and March and Julian prefer to live in nature”

I was kind of spacing out, but I wanted to retain the information in case it came up later. The velvet curtain skirt was tight around my waist now and I had to really struggle to get it off. Now would be a terrible time for Hatter to look over, which he almost did when I didn’t respond. “Oh uh, are you and March and Julian like, a family unit?” I squatted just in case he really did look over, but thank god he went back to looking away when I spoke.

“We more so look after each other! None of us have families, or at least don’t remember any families. I highly doubt March doesn’t have any family, but he tells me he was born by falling out of a tree and I don’t know enough about rabbits to argue that” I could hear that he was eating something while talking and I was glad that I couldn’t see his mouth.

“It’s… sweet that you look after Julian….. but is March a safe guardian?” I almost fell on my back when the skirt finally ripped off and I was finally able to pull on the shorts, getting half way and needing a little rest.

“The safest! He teaches Julian fencing and sword fighting!” That was not comforting, but I didn’t want to press further in fear of ruining Hatters’ calm mood. God, I did not want him to get hyper again, he was only just starting to make sense. Wanting to continue to take advantage of the said calm mood, I brought up an old question that was re-sparked by the grinning cat.

“Hatter… please don’t ignore this next question…. ” I laid down on the clothing bag, measuring myself against it as I tried to catch my breath and patiently looked at the shaved back of Hatter's head.

“Why is Julian on trial?”