- 2.5k
- 1.7k
- 58
PART 3
What I do know is that I took a look and decided on what I wanted to be not want people expect. I did the same for my art. The worse part was that I ever let them make me believe my art wasn't good enough. Perhaps I wasn't the right fit, but I and the art was still good.
Getting this out has been healing. And once I hit post it'll feel real. And even if noone reads it, I'll know it out there in the void, it's been aired and I can move on finally and stop dwelling on the past and get on with it all!
If you stuck it out this far, kudos! Give yourself a pat on the back! That was a long read!
What I do know is that I took a look and decided on what I wanted to be not want people expect. I did the same for my art. The worse part was that I ever let them make me believe my art wasn't good enough. Perhaps I wasn't the right fit, but I and the art was still good.
Getting this out has been healing. And once I hit post it'll feel real. And even if noone reads it, I'll know it out there in the void, it's been aired and I can move on finally and stop dwelling on the past and get on with it all!
If you stuck it out this far, kudos! Give yourself a pat on the back! That was a long read!
Welcome back!! So sorry you went through all of that!! I'm glad your doing better, it's good to have you back!
Thank you! Its taken such a long time for me to come to terms with. Now I hoping to make up for lost time!
<3 <3
PART 2
I get pulled into a manditory 6 months review meeting to check how I'm doing after coming back from maternity leave, only to served a redundancy marked the same day as my birthday. Happy Birthday to me! 🎉
I saw it coming, but it STILL stung. "It's not you, it's just business" but you know that's not true. These smiling assassins have performed this play by the book to everyone else who wasn't well received or who didn't play ball. But they don't like confrontation, they'd rather the problem just disappeared. They want me to disappear...
Cue COVID!
The chaos, the stress, the fear, the isolation. The world changes, but you're still hurting. The healing doesn't really come. You feel broken and damaged but you have a child to look after, so you're stuck survival mode.
I had not found joy in my creations for sooooo looooooong, and that hurt. The guilt, the anger, the sadness trapped in a loop.
But in the past year or so, I've felt that spark start to ignite again. The path to healing hasn't been straight forward but similar to that of an artist. The wobbly line that climbs upwards so you progress. with leaps and setbacks along the way but the healing is happening and I am starting to recover, I'm starting to feel 'me' again.
Why'd it have to take years? Who knows, but looking back on this blog, my deviantart account, my comic, I'm feeling that enjoy again. That cruel voice in my head quietening. I've lost so much time, or have I? Is this what was needed, this very painful journey or growth? Had that toxic job consume too much unnoticed and this was what was needed to repair? Who knows.
I get pulled into a manditory 6 months review meeting to check how I'm doing after coming back from maternity leave, only to served a redundancy marked the same day as my birthday. Happy Birthday to me! 🎉
I saw it coming, but it STILL stung. "It's not you, it's just business" but you know that's not true. These smiling assassins have performed this play by the book to everyone else who wasn't well received or who didn't play ball. But they don't like confrontation, they'd rather the problem just disappeared. They want me to disappear...
Cue COVID!
The chaos, the stress, the fear, the isolation. The world changes, but you're still hurting. The healing doesn't really come. You feel broken and damaged but you have a child to look after, so you're stuck survival mode.
I had not found joy in my creations for sooooo looooooong, and that hurt. The guilt, the anger, the sadness trapped in a loop.
But in the past year or so, I've felt that spark start to ignite again. The path to healing hasn't been straight forward but similar to that of an artist. The wobbly line that climbs upwards so you progress. with leaps and setbacks along the way but the healing is happening and I am starting to recover, I'm starting to feel 'me' again.
Why'd it have to take years? Who knows, but looking back on this blog, my deviantart account, my comic, I'm feeling that enjoy again. That cruel voice in my head quietening. I've lost so much time, or have I? Is this what was needed, this very painful journey or growth? Had that toxic job consume too much unnoticed and this was what was needed to repair? Who knows.
PART 1
Trauma is a blackhole.
2018, that was my last post. I've been doing a lot of soul searching the past few years. Life's been hard, but who here hasn't felt the that things have gotten rather tough?
So what the excuse for the absence? Why did I stop drawing) why did I let my comic ROT! Just good old trauma. You know the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side? Well I guess I fell for that old adage. I took a job, closer to home with better pay and seemingly better prospects, and within 18 months it began to eat away at me from within. All my flaws left magnified, my every step under scrutiny. At first you tell yourself to grown up and get on with it, be an adult and learn to cope. But it's taken until now to truly understand that a part of me knew something was wrong and that I was hollowing myself out.
I got pregnant in 2018, had my boy in 2019 which was classified as a traumatic birth. We both nearly died and mainly due to noone hearing my concerns, I knew something was a miss and I was right. I won't get lost in the weeds. Tired and in survival mode I trudged on, went back to work.
Then you spot it, the same pattern, the way the company likes to remove people they don't think are a good fit. No meetings addressing the issue, just cutting their involvement in mainline projects, assigning their work to others, cutting their dept budgets or assigning them unreachable goals and then you see it happening to you, and you KNOW what comes next. It either a 'redudancy' or an off-site sacking followed by a fake ass company wide email about how YOU decided to leave the company to pursue your passions.
Trauma is a blackhole.
2018, that was my last post. I've been doing a lot of soul searching the past few years. Life's been hard, but who here hasn't felt the that things have gotten rather tough?
So what the excuse for the absence? Why did I stop drawing) why did I let my comic ROT! Just good old trauma. You know the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side? Well I guess I fell for that old adage. I took a job, closer to home with better pay and seemingly better prospects, and within 18 months it began to eat away at me from within. All my flaws left magnified, my every step under scrutiny. At first you tell yourself to grown up and get on with it, be an adult and learn to cope. But it's taken until now to truly understand that a part of me knew something was wrong and that I was hollowing myself out.
I got pregnant in 2018, had my boy in 2019 which was classified as a traumatic birth. We both nearly died and mainly due to noone hearing my concerns, I knew something was a miss and I was right. I won't get lost in the weeds. Tired and in survival mode I trudged on, went back to work.
Then you spot it, the same pattern, the way the company likes to remove people they don't think are a good fit. No meetings addressing the issue, just cutting their involvement in mainline projects, assigning their work to others, cutting their dept budgets or assigning them unreachable goals and then you see it happening to you, and you KNOW what comes next. It either a 'redudancy' or an off-site sacking followed by a fake ass company wide email about how YOU decided to leave the company to pursue your passions.
Update next week! It'll round off the scene MUCH better!
Would you please help a fledgling author and subscribe to Mannesma: the world of magic
NOVEMBER BLOG
Hey folks! I will be soon going on break to start working on the last chapter of act 1 :0 this is a BIG milestone for me!! I'm a little proud of where I've got to in my comic project, warts and all!
With that said I've received a fair amount of feedback on the comic and am preparing some additional scenes to help fix the story elements that need it. I will be adding a NEW prologue (patrons will see that later this week! even beta test if you will ;) ) And an additional scene at the beginning of chapter 2 also. I'll also be reviewing chapter 3 and where I can.
On top of this, I've hired an editor to help with this process and I'm also looking to hiring a flats artist too to speed up my return, this is where I get out my begging bowl ^^; These services aren't free or cheap (and so they shouldn't be) So if you can become a patron or even a small one off donation via ko-fi I would be eternally grateful. Every penny helps, and if you can spare a penny, then please share this and the comic and help spread the word!!
https://www.Ko-fi.com/silversong
https://www.patreon.com/Silversong
Ok, now that I've but that begging bowl away, onward to the Patreon Raffle this month!!
THIS MONTHS WINNER IS....
Hades
(She has some great comics too, so you should check her out!)
Hey folks! I will be soon going on break to start working on the last chapter of act 1 :0 this is a BIG milestone for me!! I'm a little proud of where I've got to in my comic project, warts and all!
With that said I've received a fair amount of feedback on the comic and am preparing some additional scenes to help fix the story elements that need it. I will be adding a NEW prologue (patrons will see that later this week! even beta test if you will ;) ) And an additional scene at the beginning of chapter 2 also. I'll also be reviewing chapter 3 and where I can.
On top of this, I've hired an editor to help with this process and I'm also looking to hiring a flats artist too to speed up my return, this is where I get out my begging bowl ^^; These services aren't free or cheap (and so they shouldn't be) So if you can become a patron or even a small one off donation via ko-fi I would be eternally grateful. Every penny helps, and if you can spare a penny, then please share this and the comic and help spread the word!!
https://www.Ko-fi.com/silversong
https://www.patreon.com/Silversong
Ok, now that I've but that begging bowl away, onward to the Patreon Raffle this month!!
THIS MONTHS WINNER IS....
Hades
(She has some great comics too, so you should check her out!)
Silversong issue 3 is now open for pre-order!!!
http://silversong.storenvy.com/products/21272354-silversong-issue-3
http://silversong.storenvy.com/products/21272354-silversong-issue-3
wow congrats ! I'm also thinking of printing my newest comic but i'm not sure exactly how to : (
Contact your local printer, they normally have a template to show you how!
ok thanks !!
Hey folks,
I'm pretty sure you've all heard and seen the recent event regarding the TOS of Tapas Media.
If you haven't then a quick run down is that they've been changed without really any real empathize on the fact that all works on the site, if they wish to publish, would need to give to Tapas media for the 'first right of refusal'. Meaning basically that if I wish to make money from my work I would need to ask for permission FIRST. It more or less overrides my own copyright.
Tapas have released a statement on this issue regarding 'protecting artists from bad deals' as the reasoning to this clause. My issue is with the ethics of this issue. the fact that its wasn't made public knowledge and had to be dug out people who fully read the TOS and that an IP legal professional has even looked at the clause and regarded it 'too vague' that in theory could prevent me from self-publishing 'without permission for my own content' or even printing prints! Thats too broad.
I should be updating on Sunday but regarding on if this issue is resolved by then will dictate my next course of action and possibly leaving the site if the communities concerns aren't dealt with.
BUT DO NOT FEAR!
I'm on LINE too
http://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/silversong/list?title_no=653
and my own domain in on Tumblr!
http://www.silversongcomic.com
both have a subscription service if you own the app, you can either sub on LINE or follow the 'blog' on Tumblr to receive updates!
*EDIT:* Clause removed! I'm staying!
I'm pretty sure you've all heard and seen the recent event regarding the TOS of Tapas Media.
If you haven't then a quick run down is that they've been changed without really any real empathize on the fact that all works on the site, if they wish to publish, would need to give to Tapas media for the 'first right of refusal'. Meaning basically that if I wish to make money from my work I would need to ask for permission FIRST. It more or less overrides my own copyright.
Tapas have released a statement on this issue regarding 'protecting artists from bad deals' as the reasoning to this clause. My issue is with the ethics of this issue. the fact that its wasn't made public knowledge and had to be dug out people who fully read the TOS and that an IP legal professional has even looked at the clause and regarded it 'too vague' that in theory could prevent me from self-publishing 'without permission for my own content' or even printing prints! Thats too broad.
I should be updating on Sunday but regarding on if this issue is resolved by then will dictate my next course of action and possibly leaving the site if the communities concerns aren't dealt with.
BUT DO NOT FEAR!
I'm on LINE too
http://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/silversong/list?title_no=653
and my own domain in on Tumblr!
http://www.silversongcomic.com
both have a subscription service if you own the app, you can either sub on LINE or follow the 'blog' on Tumblr to receive updates!
*EDIT:* Clause removed! I'm staying!
They already removed the TOS so you are safe :)
Seems like the removed this new term....
https://twitter.com/tapas_app/status/865364752112812032
https://twitter.com/tapas_app/status/865364752112812032
I saw!!! So crisis averted. As Golden Plume had mentioned I did get the feeling the clause was a 'paper tiger' but great artist a have been screwed over with less. As a self publisher, protecting my own interest was key ;)
You are smart to be concerned.
Gotta protect yourself first.
Gotta protect yourself first.
Talk about a crazy 48 hours, huh? Uuuuuuugh I can't get over all this.
Wanna win some goodies?
Just pick your favorite design to enter
and you could win a charm with
the winning design!
Vote for your favorite to win!
https://www.patreon.com/posts/7649645
Just pick your favorite design to enter
and you could win a charm with
the winning design!
Vote for your favorite to win!
https://www.patreon.com/posts/7649645
Oh the bird charm is very cute. Congrats to the winners!
I love the bird charm it's so cute. C:
Dang, I should have changed my name to start with an 'M'.
so far most patrons agree! and super weird how both winners names started with M!
How about.... Mutant?
Hello folks again!
Has some of you may have seen at Patreon this month I've been revamping the tier system (its an on going process) So far I've introduced a published 'thank you' message to all blog and future publications for all Patrons. Batch updates for $3 and Lineart last month for $5 (with tutorials and process gif, videos to follow in coming months) Now I've been thinking about possible rewards for $10, so for I have google hangouts on my mind but I'm open to any suggests.
Also I'm gearing up to start prepping pages for Vol 1 Kickstarter! that'll be the first 3 chapters in print! Along for a host of goodies! It should be over 100 pages long with a bonus side side throw in.
Also I'll be in Italy this month for Fumettopolis! https://fumettopolis.wordpress.com/
16 - 18 Sept at Casa Bossi
And now the thanks you's to the folk that have support me this month over at Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/Silversong
Emilia, Dianna, Chira, Ben, Jonathan, GreatBasinCoyote, Angela, Paldan, Kelly, Mary, Karolina, Bert, Elisa, Hades, John, Hael, Tea, keii4ii, Donald, Ingrid AND Carl!
Here was last months rewards!
Has some of you may have seen at Patreon this month I've been revamping the tier system (its an on going process) So far I've introduced a published 'thank you' message to all blog and future publications for all Patrons. Batch updates for $3 and Lineart last month for $5 (with tutorials and process gif, videos to follow in coming months) Now I've been thinking about possible rewards for $10, so for I have google hangouts on my mind but I'm open to any suggests.
Also I'm gearing up to start prepping pages for Vol 1 Kickstarter! that'll be the first 3 chapters in print! Along for a host of goodies! It should be over 100 pages long with a bonus side side throw in.
Also I'll be in Italy this month for Fumettopolis! https://fumettopolis.wordpress.com/
16 - 18 Sept at Casa Bossi
And now the thanks you's to the folk that have support me this month over at Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/Silversong
Emilia, Dianna, Chira, Ben, Jonathan, GreatBasinCoyote, Angela, Paldan, Kelly, Mary, Karolina, Bert, Elisa, Hades, John, Hael, Tea, keii4ii, Donald, Ingrid AND Carl!
Here was last months rewards!
Ooh exciting projects! Looking forward to that Kickstarter :3
