Your Majesty, Please Spare Me This Time

Chapter 1

My death came on a summer’s day as the sun beat down on me.

“Laliette Isabelle de Bellua, the eldest daughter of the House of Count Bellua, is charged with the following crimes—failing to set an example as a noble and indulging in extravagance, failing to properly care for Bellua Manor, daring to embezzle taxes, knowing of her father Count Bellua’s treason, concealing it, and even going so far as plotting it together, and countless other shameful crimes that are too numerous to mention.”

The gavel struck, and the harsh bangs that rang through the courtroom left me dazed. I felt indignant about every one of the crimes that had poured out of that damn judge’s mouth, but I felt the most wronged by the very first charge—the crime of extravagance.

What did you say? Indulging in extravagance? Are you so stupid that you’re unaware of the definition of extravagance? That, may I inform you, is a word that could best be applied to the ridiculous dresses your daughter wears!

Sure, the seat of chief justice was vacant and legal proceedings in the nation were always haphazard affairs, but the crime of extravagance could not be less applicable to me. I couldn’t fully swallow my anger and had to restrain myself from grabbing the judge by his collar. Did he see how my arms trembled, failing to shoot forth? Or had he felt a prick to his conscience? In any case, the judge couldn’t meet my eyes and only stared ahead at nothing. Cold sweat rolled down his face.

Of course. Of course he knew. It was common knowledge among the nobility that House Bellua had always lived frugally.

“Save, save, save! The people of Bellua have sacrificed their blood and sweat in order to pay their taxes. Do not waste it!”

I had heard Father’s fierce scolding daily all throughout my childhood, and it still rang in my ears. I had never even been interested in dresses with jewel embroidery or silk decorations from the East. When I had attended balls, it had been utterly humiliating to hear the whispers that I was a lady who knew far too little of fashion. Still, I had prioritized the people of our county.

So to then accuse me of extravagance? The very first line of my painfully long death sentence had been such nonsense that I hadn’t needed to hear the rest to know that it was all lies. To listen to the voice of the judge would only turn my stomach, so I tuned him out.

“Laliette Isabelle de Bellua, you shall be granted one last chance to speak in your defense.”

Perhaps he was worried about the daggers shooting from my eyes, or that I would hold a grudge and come back to hound him as a ghost. The judge was offering me an unprecedented chance to plead my case, even though traitors were normally killed without being offered the opportunity of a rebuttal.

“Defense?”

But I had nothing to say. What goddamn defense could I offer? I would need to have committed at least one of the crimes listed to defend myself. Even if I did give a spectacular defense and survived, that would be a problem in and of itself. Father, Mother, my little brother, and even members of my extended family I had never met had been beheaded. What was the point of surviving alone?

Once Father had been wrapped up in the terrifying charge of plotting treason, our house had fallen, and my days had been filled with tears that never seemed to dry. Escaping with my life intact wouldn’t change that. I would cry day in and day out. I would be breathing and alive, but I would not be living. At this thought, what little attachment I had left for my life vanished.

So instead of defending myself, I turned to face the emperor who was sitting all the way at the end of the courtroom, watching my death sentence with an impassive look. He seemed displeased, despite the fact that I was facing death at no fault of my own, based merely on his unfounded fury. Still, I was appalled by his calm expression, which seemed to suggest that my execution would just be a routine part of his day.

As I faced him, his mouth twisted a little. I caught the slight change and grinned at him widely. Glaring at his soft, green eyes, which didn’t suit his cruel nature in the slightest, I bit out every word with menace and spat them into the courtroom.

“God. Damn. Bastard.”

Of course, I had no idea that we would meet again.

The Return of the Twelfth Birthday Party

I opened my eyes, every detail around me starkly clear. The very first thing I noticed was the window, encrusted with ice crystals. The mere sight of it made me shiver. The window had been rendered opaque by the frost, making it essentially useless. Just outside the blurry window, the silhouettes of snowflakes drifted past.

A beam of light seeped in through a small crack and shot through the frozen air. Though it was narrow, it was certainly not weak, the strand of light dazzling to the eye. Winter in Vellnelni was cold and harsh, but its sun was strong enough to rival that of the summer.

Light. I squinted into the vivid beam of light, and a slight turn of my head revealed more snow. Emanating from the same crack through which the light entered, a gust of winter wind snuck through like a lash. Snow. Winter.

Winter.

I eyed the winter scenery, reflecting white just outside the window, but it took me quite a while before my mind perceived the scenery that filled my field of vision. I didn’t even realize that I had opened my eyes because the very premise made no sense.

I was dead.

When I had closed my eyes last, my mouth had been full of curses for the emperor. I had watched him frown at my insolent swears and had laughed at him right up until my final moments. Besides, the day I had died had been in the middle of summer, complete with a scorching hot sun. But right now, the view outside my window was undoubtedly one of winter.

I knitted my brow at the sudden feeling that I had seen this old window before. I was certainly familiar with this room, which was a harsh shade of olive.

“My lady!”

I was searching my faint memory when the door burst open, and a woman came bustling in. I jumped up at the familiar voice.

“Nanny?”

“Are you awake?”

My childhood nanny, Viscountess Coen, had passed away two autumns ago in a carriage accident. What was going on? Was this heaven? I hadn’t committed enough crimes to warrant a death sentence, but I hadn’t lived as virtuously as she had. I ran to her with an enormous smile.

“Nanny!”

“Okay, okay. What’s going on with you today? You’re awake so early. It must be all the excitement for your birthday.”

“Huh? My birthday?” I asked, round-eyed.

Did they celebrate birthdays in heaven? But my birthday was in winter and I had died in summer... I must have skipped two seasons in heaven.

Nanny only sighed. “You have to hurry and get ready. Weren’t you cold all night?”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“I told Voight to put in plenty of firewood since you run cold.”

“Voight? Voight is here too?”

Had Voight died? Had the damn emperor really killed the count’s family steward? He had truly done nothing wrong. I felt so sorry for Voight that I didn’t know what to do.

Nanny squinted one eye as if I had said something strange.

“Of course. Oh, are you talking about his vacation? How silly you are, my lady. He’s been back for quite some time.”

“What vacation?”

“You know, he went on a trip with his wife. He’s a newlywed, after all. Try to be understanding, my lady.”

It had been nearly seven years since Voight had married. How could he be a newlywed? Had he gotten remarried in heaven? He and Emily had once twittered about their devotion like a pair of lovebirds. Indeed, you couldn’t judge a book by its cover. I scoffed.

You can never trust a man.

“Oh, well, if he’s a newlywed.”

I wasn’t sure if Nanny had heard my quiet comment.

As she tidied the bed, she complained, “Heavens, Master is too much! You may have procrastinated your studies slightly, my lady, but was it necessary to make you sleep in this old bedroom the night before your birthday?”

Grumbling was her customary way of speaking, but she was still so caring toward me. I couldn’t help but chuckle. How much I had missed that kind, considerate woman. As she bent over to fold the sheets, I hugged her tightly from behind. She was so warm.

I’m so glad Nanny is in heaven, at least.

“Nanny, I missed you so, so much.”

“Oh, my lady, how is it that you act more and more like a baby every day?”

“Maybe I’m aging backward,” I answered her playful prodding, a smile on my face.

She finished tidying the bed with me on her back, seemingly unbothered by my weight. Afraid that she would disappear, I didn’t relax my arms from around her. Instead of shaking off my hold, she turned around and faced me.

“Did you have a nightmare or something?”

“No. Oh, well... Perhaps it was like a nightmare.”

“Oh, what’s the matter? The young master has been having nightmares recently as well.”

“Young Master? Who?”

“What do you mean who? Your little brother, Young Master Lehan, of course.”