Oh! Really, but what a disgrace! Why do people even desire this suffering so much? Oh! How blind I used to be. Naive. I, as well, wanted to fall in love. Oh! But what a person my heart chose.

I used to have my simple life, a girl you would never ever notice around. I had no emotional rollercoaster at all, and I was exceptionally happy. And then, my heart, without my head’s consent, decided it was time for me to like someone. No, not someone, one of my best friend. She is, indeed, one of the most attractive person in the world, I must say (not a complete waste, heart). But she is as straight as someone can be.

Not only would she never even think of me as more than a friend, I had to see her dating my best friend. I was starting to notice how attractive she is when everybody started commenting on how perfect they were together. Three months later, I was completely, absolutely, deeply in love with her and they were full on dating.

And that was my down fall. I had already been focusing on my exams and grades to get into a good engineering school. When they started dating, I would only look at him or her, which ever one was closer to me in the classroom, and start feeling sorry for myself. As stupid as I could be. So during the next six months, I couldn't focus at all on studying, and my grades got lower than I had ever imagined possible.

I spent full six months (possibly much more), suffering for no apparent reason and then feeling pity for myself. As anyone would, I got tired of this and after many, many, many tries and a lot of effort, I was able to shove it all into a garbage bag and throw it out of my mind.

Now, almost a year later, I am still recovering my intelectual downfall. And I can affirm, from personal experience, that falling in love does no one no good, and that feelings are very, very, very hard to deal with. So I never, I mean it, never, want to fall in love ever again. Why would I need it? I can spend my whole life with the sole company of my best friends (my cats, of course, humans are overestimated).

Anyways, I am at a party, which now I realize I have no reason at all to be in. All students in my grade are joined together at one only space, which I am sure violates some very significant physics laws. They simply decided to make a huge mess, with a whole lot of loud music, and alcohol to commemorate that we all survived our first year in high school (except for one or two kids who have been reproved, and they decided to ignore). It must be noted that the combination of these factors ends up in a bunch of drunk, euphoric, and suddenly very romantic teenagers.

When I say romantic, I mean a bunch of couples making out all over the place. My friends, all with successful love lifes, are, in the greatest part, not single anymore. So at this hour of the night, they are all divided in couples, mixing themselves with the mass of making out people. Me, and only two of my girl friends are also single, so we usually hang together at this point in parties. But I guess we all gave up of these situations. They both found ways to avoid being single and surrounded by a bunch of couples. Lara said she must stay home because she so suddenly got sick, which most definitely means she’s in front of her computer, playing some online video game with her “other friends”. And Laura (yes, we have similar names: Lara, Laura and Clara, deal with it), who is my only way of going out of this place is now hooking up, with someone I believe to be a random guy, in some random corner.

If you do add up, you now know I am left alone in this party, where there are only drunk people. So I am VERY bored. Yes, my two friends and only company in these events, with which I thought we had a contract of sorority, and never leaving one of us alone, have now let me down. I am very disappointed. But I know Laura is having fun her own way, and I don’t want to ruin her night begging her to go earlier than planned. Therefore, I decide to go outside, even though it's a tad cold, and I don’t have a coat, to isolate myself from all human beings, and have only the company of the things inside my phone that might entertain me.

Having a great knowledge of these kind of parties and these kind of people, I never would’ve thought someone would isolating themselves in a dark, cold, and lonely place (apart from me, I mean, I’m not someone). But we can always be wrong, right? I was. There was someone else there. A girl, sitting in a corner. It was very dark, the only light coming into the courtyard, was from the party inside. One glass door would stay closed, keeping all the noise inside. Actually, the space out there was bigger than I thought. From the inside you could only see a kind of narrow corridor. But it had a much larger place to the side. Also, I think I must mention that was already occupied by some couples making out in corners.

When i say I didn’t expect anyone to be there, I meant one single person staring at their phone like I would be. Great surprise that one girl was doing the exact same thing. She wasn’t staring at her phone, she was only holding it. And she had her headphones on, so she was probably listening to music (if you want to listen to music, there are song playing very loudly just inside). Anyway, her presence did not change my plans at all, I just sat as far away from her as possible. So I was basically in the perfect middle point between the isolated girl and the making out couples, I am a great mathematician, for sure.

I tried merely wasting my time in some random instagram videos (of very cute cats, what else could it be?). But I just couldn’t focus. That girl fascinated me, I would find myself watching her. It was like I had no choice in what my eyes would be staring at. She was really beautiful. The light that reached her hair would reflect all kids of different colors, so I got myself trying to figure out which color it could actually be. Her body was moving to some kind of melody, as if she was so immersed in what she was listening to, she didn’t have control over her body anymore. I’m almost a hundred percent sure she had no idea someone could be watching her. It felt as if I could see a part of her she would never think of ever showing someone. And that made her exceptionally beautiful.

 And i could only think to myself that she must have been the most attractive and beautiful person in the whole universe. And I got even more mad at my heart, if i were to fall for someone back then, it should have been her.