They say life found a way to prevail, so maybe that was why I was here guarding him well he slept, Or maybe that was my own guilt that wouldn't let me go home. It didn't matter how many times Maddox threatened to chase me out of the room or how many times he sent Zev down to check on me, I still returned. They both had their own lives to worry about, Zev had to go to court to get his sister's children so they would be raised by loving parents, Jackson and him. Maddox had a son and his own life partner to worry about. I had no one I cared for like that, so what did it matter if I spent all my time down here with Creed. He was shot because of me anyways. It was the least I could do for him.

Maddox had informed me that no vital organs had been damaged the wound would be pretty normal. If that was the case why wasn't he waking up? Three days in they said they weren't sure why he wasn't waking up. Here we were six days into it and he hadn't changed in the slightest. My own wound was healing fine and the scarring would be minimal. I wanted to take Creed out of here, find a doctor who could give me answers and one I could trust. One that wasn't day drinking as a professional sport. Checking my watch it was one in the afternoon, I had been here for hours. Soon enough someone was going to chase me away. They would claim it was so I could sleep or eat, maybe even look after my own health.

I hated it.

I should be here every moment until he woke up. He would. I knew he had to, Creed was strong.

I should have been tired of sitting on the cold tiled floor but somehow it sobered me up about why he was even in this bed. I was that reason. He had tried to pull me to safety, all for what? His love for me that I couldn't even begin to say I understood. Yes, I didn't hate him like I once had, I would even consider possibly a friend. But not a lover. Lover's got killed in this line of work. He was actively proving this to me the longer he laid in this bed.

"Creed. Forgive me. They will chase me away again soon, You know how Zev and Maddox are, But I promise I will be back as soon I can."

As I stood up Maddox rounded the corner. He tried to hide the sympathy in his eye but it was too late I saw it, he had the same look Zev had when he looked at me. It made me feel even guiltier than before.

"Emerson made you lunch, come on."

" Is that an order or you asking?"

"I'm hoping you will say yes, so it doesn't have to be an order."

"Right, Lunch. I'm coming."

The whole thing was now that Maddox didn't trust me to actually go so he followed behind me the whole way to his place. Once we were inside, I slipped off my shoes. Maddox made me go in front of him. The smell of whatever Emerson had made, made my stomach growl and I couldn't be sure when the last time I had actually eaten had been. My last six days had been like this. Eat with Maddox and Emerson, go to my office and grab work, head back to my shared place and change. Then return to Creed's side where I did work and guarded him.

Emerson set the black coffee and a cookie in front of me at the table.

"Thanks."

"You know it's never a problem Alexi."

I nodded. Picking up the coffee I took a sip of it. It was nice to have something other than the instant coffee that was in the medic wing. Don't even get me started on the cookie that was demolished within just a few bites. I was aware I was neglecting myself but honestly, it wasn't the first time. But this was different.

"We are having chilli for lunch. Just waiting on Jackson and Zev. They were dropping Rosie at her nana's."

"Sounds good."

Ares yelling was shrill on my ears, probably because I hadn't slept more than ten hours in six days. That little bean was adorable and loud. It was funny to me how Maddox doted on him. I felt my hands itching to hold him as I did before all this, but the throbbing in my shoulder told me that wasn't a wise option right now.

Emerson and I chatted about some of the new budgeted stuff that Maddox had asked for. Maddox paid us no attention as he played with his mini-me. The sound of the automatic lock poping on the front door made me sigh. Zev and Jackson.

I really appreciated the good doctor and everything he did for me, but he was going to want to try to talk about Creed and my lack of sleep and a whole slew of other baggage that I didn't want to talk about at this very moment. At least not until Creed woke up and I could give him a piece of my mind for his stupidity.

"It's nice to see you, Alexi," Jackson said patting me on the other shoulder.

"Maddox finally gave me the paper for your increase. You should plenty of budget now."

"Ah, yes. Good Good."

I felt Zev staring at me. I met eyes with him and he gave me a small smile.

"Yes Zev, I know I look like shit again."

"It's understandable," Jackson said shooting Zev a quick look.

Lunch went off without any problems or any mentioning of Creed. Though I knew it was what everyone wanted to ask about. Emerson packed me with a bun and a bowl of chilli because he knew I was going to end up in the basement with Creed again. Like every night.

Following my new routine, I was back by Creeds side at four p.m. He looked terrible. I just wanted to shake him awake. Slap him around. Anything that would make him wake up.

I couldn't shake the feeling that this was all my fault. If he died I wouldn't know what to do with the guilt I felt. Or with myself for that matter.