Chapter one 

I wake up to the blaring sound of my alarm clock. I roll over to shut it off and stop the sound. The sun is creeping through my curtains. I slowly open my eyes and look at the dust lit up by the morning sun. I get up and brush my teeth and brush my fluffy black hair. I had decided that this year is going to be different for Nathan and I. It’s been three months since school started and I still havent talked to him. He was my childhood best friend that I’d fallen in love with. Although I live in a fairly liberal city, coming out when you’re 18 and in highschool, is hard as hell. Everytime I think about him though, my face becomes hot and flushed. We’ve grown apart, being on different social levels. We used to play around like normal kids back then.

 My parents died when I was 9, and since our parents were close, his parents helped my sister get a job to support us. She was 17 at the time, and had just lost her part time job. Now that we’re in highschool, his friends don’t really like me around. I mean who would want the band kid hanging with your football friends. I’m in the marching band, I play the baritone, and even though I'm smaller than the rest of my sectionmates, I’m still first chair. This year I want to become friends with Nathan again. I see him everyday in class, but I can’t seem to bring myself to talk to him. He's always surrounded by his friends. They make fun of me when he’s not around. I like to imagine that he’d stop them if they did. I shake the thoughts away and get ready with my backpack and keys. I can smell the comforting flavor of coffee drifting through the crack under my door. I guess Venus is already about to leave. She takes care of me, even when she doesn't have to. I’m so grateful to have her here with me. She is the one I know I can count on no matter what.

My sister yells from downstairs, “I’m leaving for work, but I left you some coffee and some money for breakfast next to the pot! Have a good day and be careful!” 

She closes the door behind her and I grab the coffee and the money. She made it just the way I like it, tons of cream and sugar. I head out the door and get into the car. It’s a black Hyundai Sonata. Before I can leave the driveway I get a text from my sister telling me that she’ll be home before I do. She says she wants to have a pizza and movie night. I hope I can talk to him today, like I’ve been planning. I leave the driveway, and pull out into the street. I notice that Nathan’s Camaro is already gone, he probably left an hour ago. He has morning practice everyday before school because of the heat after the school day is over. We live in Arizona, so the heat gets unbearable later in the day. I finally get to Carl's jr and order a monster biscuit. I eat it on the way to the school with the windows down, and listen to the show music for this year, imagining the drill that goes along with it. It's Wednesday, so I don't have practice before school. As our band director likes to say, “We don’t want to anger the church!” 

I finally get to the school, still early as usual. I park next to my friends from band, who are waiting for me next to their cars. 

“Hey Connor! What shakin’”, my best friend Alex greets me every day like she's in the early 2000’s. I love her though, she's like the entire band’s mom, always prepared for anything. No one knows that I’m gay other than her. I couldn’t possibly trust anyone else with that information. If the football team ever found out, they’d never let it down. I walk with my friends up the steps and toward the school, the morning breeze doing it’s best to cool the warm October sun. Today I will make the effort to talk to him. I have to.