Every good story starts with an origin. This one starts rather abruptly, however. 

The year is 1999. Two boys were spending the afternoon playing inside their house when all of a sudden shattered glass covered the floor as a man jumped through one of the living room windows. The boys were in shock and cowered in the corner as the man held a gun to their faces.

“Stay there until I leave. Understood?” The man ordered.

The kids nodded as the man rummaged through the home and grabbed anything of value. Jewelry, expensive clothes, and any piece of technology that he could hold in his hands. Having obtained what he could, he passed the boys in the living room, leaped back out the window, and disappeared down the street.

The boys looked at each other in disbelief. Then, one of them turned and noticed something quite interesting. In his haste to get what he could, the man had touched a mirror in the hallway and left a fingerprint in the corner. The one boy then had an idea. He decided to use his father's detective tools to transfer the print. 

Their father also had a very expensive computer that had a database for every resident in the town. Even though he was no longer around, he left his things in the hopes that one day his sons would be able to use them. 

Once they secured the fingerprint, they booted up the dusty computer and scanned it to see if it would match anyone in the town. Sure enough, there was one result. 

Name: Steven Ravino. 

Address: 2846 Aweste Avenue.

Past Offenses: Minor theft, assault.

The boys looked at each other and decided they should bring this to the police. Not being old enough to drive yet, they jogged down to the station and approached the front desk.

“How can I help you, boys?” The receptionist asked.

“We need to talk to the chief. We have some important evidence.” One of the boys said.

The receptionist chuckled and said “Alright. He’s not busy at the moment and I’m sure he’d like the entertainment.”

He led the boys to an executive office where the chief of police was lounging in his chair eating a piece of fruit.

“Sir, these boys would like to speak to you.” He said as he left.

“Ah, well what seems to be the problem, kids?” the chief asked.

“Well, you see, some guy broke into our house and took a bunch of our stuff.” One of the boys said.

“Jumping Jambalaya! Are you both okay?” He asked as his tone grew more serious and his attention now fully on the boys.

“Yeah we’re okay but he left his fingerprint and we have it with us.” Said the one boy.

“Nice job! Let us take it to the lab to find out who we’re dealing with and then we can go from there, alright?” The chief explained.

“Actually, we already know who it is and where he lives.” The boy said as he handed the evidence and computer results to the chief.

“Well knock me down with a feather! This is some mighty fine work.” The chief said as he looked over the information.

The chief ordered several officers to head to the location and the boys insisted on tagging along so the man could be correctly identified. Upon arriving at the address, they knocked on the door. A woman answered and the cops asked if Steven Ravino was inside and after she confirmed that he was there, they rushed in and found him in one of the bedrooms among all of his stolen spoils. They promptly made the arrest and took him to jail and the boys were given honorary badges for heroically helping to catch a known thief. The chief allowed the boys to ride along with one of the officers for the rest of the day and before they came back to the station they were able to stop two other criminals while on patrol. Before leaving the station, the chief mentioned that if they wanted to they could get jobs there but the boys declined as something within them was ignited.

On their way home, One of them spotted a cave that was partially hidden and, without a second thought, ran inside. To their surprise, the cave looked like some old facility that hadn’t been in use for a very long time. There were computers and machines scattered around as well as different rooms carved out of the stone. One of them pointed at a strange object that had a cloth draped over it. They dragged it off of it and revealed a strange machine with the initials P. C. on the side.

“Woah. This thing is cool!” Said one of them.

Careful. We don’t know what it is.” Said the other.

Not listening to him, the boy walked underneath the arch that connected both sides of the machine.

“It’s too dangerous. Get away from there.” Said the first boy before tripping and elbowing one of its consoles.

The machine whirred to life as the area within the archway glowed. The boy that was standing under there began to glow and a strange energy flowed into him. Then in an instant, he fell to the ground as the arch stopped glowing.

“Are you okay?!” Said the first boy.

“Y-yeah. I think so. I mean, I’m feeling better than the scratched butt of a baboon.” He said before pushing the first boy towards the arch.

“It’s your turn!” He said as he put him in the middle.

As the second boy pushed the button on the console, the machine started up again and began to act like before. After a moment the first boy fell to the ground and the machine stopped.

“Wow, that was intense. I wonder what it did.” He wondered to himself.

As he tried to get up his legs stretched way more than normal and he fell over. He tried to catch himself but his arms elongated and he sprawled out on the floor. The second boy began to chuckle at what was happening.

“Hey c’mon! This is no laughing matter!” The first boy said.

Through his laughter, the second boy said “Look at you, Mr. Slinky! You’re longer than a hotdog with a curry churro!”

All of a sudden the first boy felt pain as if being punched even though he wasn’t hit.

“Did you do that…with your words?” The first boy said.

And then, they looked into each other's eyes.

“We have powers. We have powers! Do you know what this means?!” Said the first boy.

“I don’t know. We can finally secretly throw mud at Mrs. Watson’s plants?” The second boy said.

“What? No. We can be like the police and help fight crime. We’ll be like those superheroes in the cartoons!” The first boy exclaimed.

“Awesome! I'm gonna call you Slinky!” The second boy said.

“Hm. Only if you are going to be called Laughing Matter.” The first boy said.

“Deal!” Said the second boy.

“Sweet! Let’s get out of here. We’ve got work to do.” Said Slinky.

“And some plants to throw mud at!” Said Laughing Matter.

On this day, History would forever be changed as the newly formed heroes Slinky and Laughing Matter began their intrepid journey to become the most famous superheroes on this side of the globe. 

I bet you’d like to hear some of their greatest hits! There are so many to choose from. 

Ah, I know! 

If you don’t mind me asking, imagine yourself as a criminal and think about this: What do your pants provide?