When I think deeply about it
there is only one answer to this question.
At the time I was in one
of the many valleys of my life, filled with misery and without any sort of
shining beacon of hope on sight. In a sense, not much different from the rest
of my life, every day a different coat of lifeless grey.
I realize how me saying that
can make you believe I’m just nagging you, I’m sorry, it was never my
intention… Let me put it like this… My life has never been easy, or happy, or
calm, regardless of how much I craved for it or worked for it.
Throughout many times of
my life I had some enjoyment out of it, but it never lasted… A month? A week? A
single day? How long would I have before it inevitably got taken from me and I
was left in pieces again?
I never had that moment in
which you can just relax and think ‘everything is gonna be fine from here on!’
or ‘I might lose a lot but I will always have this! This is special!’… Nothing
was ever safe, nothing was ever mine, nothing was ever going to last, not for
me, not now nor anywhere… Or so I thought.
Don’t get me wrong, I sound very
down on myself… But I guess those horrible things are what made me who I am,
they made me appreciate my life and my companies for as little or as long as
they stayed with me.
I wished it got better, I
prayed to the gods and spirits, and when that didn’t work I acted and failed
time and time again… Until I came to this point.
I would begin a story here
because at this point in my life was when I had finally stopped fighting it… I
would be mad or cry when things went south, I would hate my wrongdoers or judge
them, but I accepted I couldn’t do anything anymore, that this was just how my
life was supposed to be.
There was even a twisted
part of me that thought maybe I deserved all this, everything that happened
might have been a necessary evil and I was just the karmic sacrificial lamb for
the world to correct its course… I even took pride in thinking that, as that
made me somehow more important than I actually am.
There are things in my
mind that I wished would just disappear, either because they bring me terrible
memories, a feeling of helplessness or just flat out shame…. But what I thought
never mattered.
Whether I liked it or not,
whether I screamed, cried, raged, accepted, embraced or even loved my fate, fate
cared not for me. And this is why this moment is special to me… I was nothing,
wanted nothing, cared for nothing and loved nothing anymore.
I spent most of my time
cherishing the few moments I had been happy for, and trying to forget the pain
of now, thinking the days of happiness were over and that life was just misery
from here until the moment I inevitably passed.
I know this sounds sad and
pessimistic, but alas there will be a time and place for commiserating later,
and eventually the circumstances that led me to such a desolate place in life
will be clear.
Right now, I wanted to
begin on a high note… Something that brings me those feelings of joy and hope I
craved so much, as fleeting as I thought they would be.
There are few things I should
make clear before this, the first of them might already be crossing your mind
so I’ll just come out and say it.
My name is Vernon Ealdwine
Redmane, and you’re excused for thinking why is this important… Well… To you
this name means nothing really, you don’t even know what I am or what I look
like, but this is the single most important thing in my life, or rather the
three most important things in my life as it’s three words.
You see, the first name, Vernon,
was given to me by mother, she thought I’d be cute if I was named after my
father, not that anyone gets the comparison since his name was Alder… Depending
on where you go, this name will get you killed. But very rarely so, I try not
to get on people’s wrong side.
The second name, Ealdwine,
was my father’s surname, his branch of the family was small and it’s safe to
say neither me or my uncle would continue it so… Yeah… This name will get you
killed in quite a lot of places, my father was not an upstanding citizen and
made quite a lot of enemies.
The third name is the real
problem… Redmane… it’s my families name on
my fathers side, my mother never had a surname to begin with. This name will
get you killed pretty much anywhere, and not just killed, maimed, beheaded,
gutted… You name a horrible thing and it’s likely been done to other people of
my kind or maybe even me, you’d be surprised at some of the things I survived.
So I guess it’s obvious by
now that having these three names combined means a whole lot of people want me
killed in variety of unpleasant and highly painful ways…
That is why I tend to only
ever mention the first one, unfortunately, names and family are something you
can’t chose and can’t get away from that easily, so no matter where I go trouble
finds me, and if I’m lucky I’ll come out of it without too much damage, most of
the times so far I’ve been lucky, but I do have the scars to remember the times
I wasn’t.
Still… I’m alive, right? That
counts for something.
Second thing is… I’m manned
wolf… Big surprise, right?
The name is not Redmane by
chance.
It makes it even worse
really, I couldn’t hide even though I want to.
Just how many manned
wolves you think are out there right now that DON’T carry my families cursed
last name? And even if they don’t, they still get terrible things done to them
for stuff my ancestors did… which makes it even worse to think about it.
I’d rather not open that
can of worms right now to be honest.
So moving on to the third… This
world is ruled by dragons.
it came to my attention
that not every world is ruled by dragons so I guess it needed to be clarified.
And they certainly are not
the friendly goofy kind you see in stories in your world where they act like
pets and are cute and obedient but only somewhat bratty.
Right here we got the mean
destructive type, the type that can do a flyby and raze a city to the ground
turning people in piles of ash before they can even think about what they did to
deserve that.
Not just that, they are
smart, dominant and pretty much invulnerable, so good luck opposing one of them
on anything… Even if you could challenge them in one of those things they might
smush you just for the audacity of suggesting it.
I realize it might be hard
for you to picture it, so imagine if EVERY major influence in your world
suddenly had the power to motion one hand and exterminate thousands of people
with no repercussions other than having his pers roll their eyes at them,
imagine if no one in history could ever scratch any of them or do so much as a
small cut in them…
Yeah, that is the world I
live in…
And though a while later I would
learn not everything I just said is true, it helps to illustrate my point right
now, so forgive my deceit.
Some of these dragons are
kings filled with royal self-importance, some are horrifying tyrants on a quest
to enslave all types of kin, some are great sages loved by the people and
worshiped like gods and some don’t show their faces at all to the point we
might question their existence and influence entirely.
It might sound bad… but
it’s all we’ve known here really, it’s hard to imagine a world without them,
it’d be like the sun was different color, it’s just crazy to think about.
I was lucky enough to be
born into one the nations where people are not slaves to those beasts, or
worse, cattle… In fact, I was so lucky I was actually born in the lands of one
of the few dragons who never cared for our existence… I was so fortunate, I
never got to see a dragon until I was in my late teens, let alone talk to one
or get within an arm’s length of one.
As I mentioned before
though, nothing in my life lasts and that birthplace is pretty much all I can
say was lucky in my existence, so soon enough I had to move, and then before I
knew it I left the comfort of my home and my uncle to be… Here.
Those are the three basic facts you needed to know, there is more to me than that, but I suspect if I keep digressing you might get bored so we should keep the exposition at that level for now… Moving on to our story then.
We begin in a terribly hot
and dry summer day, the scorching heat was relentless causing every living
thing around to sit in silence and cool off in the shade.
Every living thing except
a rather dumb manned wolf who thought it would be a good idea to travel in
these conditions… I was slowly but surely making progress even if I was
sweating profusely from every pore in my body and my pace was erratic and hazy.
I had left the previous
town in a hurry, I don’t even recall the name of it, but I do recall something
involving the local guards chasing me when some guy confused me for a thief.
That lead to my current predicament of not having the proper amount of water,
food or any sort of heat resisting sigil to help ease my suffering.
As I waltzed from side to
side taking every step as if were the last, I remembered feeling desperate, I
had no friend with me and no prospect of being saved by anyone, without
provision I couldn’t reach the next city nor could I go back… I was going to
eventually collapse from heat exhaustion and just die in the middle of nowhere,
no great battle to my name, no great deeds or heroism, no songs, nothing heroic
or meaningful just a slow, miserable and lonely death.
A small pile of bones
would sit on the side of a road with a duffel coat, a dirty shirt and worn-out
pants, people would look at my pack for anything valuable but see only trash, that
to them was useless… And they’d probably spit on my remains for not carrying
anything of value.
I remember walking in the
middle of the road next to the large fields of yellowed out grass that swayed
in the wind forming these beautiful waves of gold and thinking ‘What more could
I wish for? If this wasn’t an acceptable death what would be? More pain? Dying
for someone I loved?’
None of those things would
make sense… nor make this better or worse.
I started feeling my body
getting heavier, my legs were completely out of balance, my head shook
violently with every tired step. My breath burning my insides, the hot air coming
out felt like my lungs were a furnace churning hot coal… and finally, my knees
gave in… I fell on the ground slamming into the dry dirt hazily gazing around
thinking that maybe, just maybe, I could finally rest, fooling myself into
thinking. ‘It’s just for a little while… Just sleep, I’ll be fine.’
Looking back on it now, it feels
depressing to know I ever thought that would be an acceptable outcome… Just
what was I thinking? I was so naïve back then it’s frustrating to remember.
And though, as much as I
curse my fate, IT wasn’t cursing ME back then, in fact it’s the whole reason I
survived that particular day… As I laid there drifting back and forth into my
own mind I felt very little of the real world, every now and again I’d open my
eyes and see the sun had moved a few more inches, feel the added layer of sand
the wind blew over before taking another faint breath and fading out again.
However, amidst those
confusing feelings I felt something more real and palpable, a tug at my leg,
then in my arms, then finally I was completely off the ground, I was being
moved somewhere… By someone, or something.
I tried to keep myself
awake and analyze my surroundings, I quickly found that there were people
there, large men and women covered almost from head to toe with coats that had
shimmering surfaces and patterns on them… The intricate designs and matched
yellow colors were enough for me to recognize they were some sort of military
organization.
They lifted me up from the
ground and brought me over to the back of an auto-wagon, the steel below me was
cold as the cart was shielded from the sun by a thick piece of canvas that made
a flailing sound when hit by the breeze.
As the temperature went
down I was able to regain consciousness… I still had a major headache due to
the heatstroke and my body felt like it was on fire, but I was alive… Luckily
the vehicle was stopped otherwise this would’ve been way worse, and not a
pretty description to give.
A voice seemed to appear out of thin air as a hand touched my blazing forehead. “What were you doing out there little one?”
I moved my head and swayed my eyes around till I was able to lock my gaze onto a pair of caramel eyes followed by a black and brown fur… Some sort of Shepperd dog… He had a gentle expression on his face, but like all the others outside, he was a soldier.
“I… hot…” I still couldn’t form a proper sentence.
“*Shhh*… Drink this first…” He started to tilt my head up and made me drink from a bottle allowing fresh cold water to run down my throat, my body instinctively tried to swallow it all be he gently held me back. “… Not so fast or you will end up puking.”
I gulped with no concern for the mess I was making until I sated my thirst, I could actually feel the water going down as it cooled off most of my throat and sent a feeling of relief down and into my chest.
Having been rehydrated I started feeling a lot better and I could finally properly think. “Thank you… *Ah*… I needed that.”
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