TRIGGER WARNING- homophobia, bullying, vulgar language, and slurs. 

My Past...

Different, Freak, Four-eyes, Girlfriend stealer. These were all names that people have come up with for me over the years. My name is Ash. I have two different colored eyes. One is light blue, while the other is light green with a streak of gold running from the pupil to a thick ring of black around the edge in both eyes. I have glasses, pale skin, and untamed pitch-black hair. Everyone hates me. Well, I should be more specific. Guys hate me, especially the ones with girlfriends. Two years ago a girl who went by the name of Emma tried cheating on her boyfriend by asking me out. I turned her down, knowing full well that she had a boyfriend, but she didn't listen. She stalked me and when I found out, I told her to go back to her boyfriend, but she didn't listen. Instead, she tried forcing herself on me. She cornered me and that is when her boyfriend caught us. Before I could explain what was going on Emma kissed me. FOR FUCK's SAKE, THAT BITCH STOLE MY FIRST FUCKING KISS! (I was pissed) I then pushed her off of me and ran. The next day a rumor started going around that I stole Jay’s girlfriend.

***

I sat in the back corner of the last period as I tried to drown out the English teacher with my thoughts, dreading what was going to happen after class. I looked at my phone for the hundredth time this period, YOUR DEAD 4EYES, read across my screen. The idiot can’t even spell. I think I'm going to take the long way back to my house today. My bruises still haven't healed from the last time Jay went on a rampage. Oh god, what did I do now?

After class, I skipped going to my locker and ran out of the building and into the woods. Before I could run any further, a firm hand grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me away from my escape route. I started to choke and gasped for breath. I could feel my heart racing, continuing along the path with my mind, leaving my body behind.

"Trying to run away I see," a familiar voice rang out. "You know, It's not very smart to run. Movement attracts attention, no matter how ugly you are. " A horrible cackling laughter filled the air. It ended in a snort that reminded me of a pig. It was Jay.

"I-I wasn't trying to run," I said, pain shooting through my arm as Jay grabbed it digging his nails into my pale skin.

"Your running said otherwise, pipe cleaner," Jay whispered into my ear before throwing me to the ground.

“Haha good one Jay. He is a pipe cleaner. A four-eyed one!” said one of Jay’s idiot friends.

"You're a fucking Bastard, you know that right." Before I could get up, Jay kicked me in the ribs. "Don't you dare try calling out for help, you know what happened last time." I whimpered, trying to hold back tears. Jay kicked me again, this time in the same spot where his nails dug into my skin. Picking me up by the collar of my shirt, he punched me in the jaw. A sickening crack rang through the air as he punched me again in the ribs. He got in three more punches to the gut before dropping me to the ground. I felt myself crumple like the English homework I stuffed in the bottom of my bag. Damn, I have a test tomorrow. I was brought back to reality when I felt hot liquid coursing like a river down my lips and chin. Blood. I could recognize the metallic taste from anywhere.

I coughed into my arm. Pulling back, crimson blood appeared on the sleeve. "Don't you dare tell anyone what just happened Freak, otherwise your ribs won't be the only thing broken." Kicking me again for good measure, Jay and his band of ass hats ran out of the woods and into the parking lot.

***

As I dragged my limp body through my front door, Bailey jumped up onto my battered body. “Not now Bailey,” I said as the fluffy Saint Bernard tried to clean my, no doubt infected, raw wounds. I limped my way to the living room, Bailey trailing behind, where I was met with my mother's worried face.

“Oh honey, did you get into another fight? Come here,” I walked with her to the kitchen. “ Let me help you clean up.” She grabbed a fresh towel off of the counter and held it under cold water before she started to clean away the crimson blood. “What happened this time hun?”

“I tried running away but he wouldn't have it, ended up kicking me more for it.” I jerked back as the cold washcloth soaked the deep cut on my jaw.

“Sorry,” She said giving me a tender look before going back to tending to my other wounds “I still think you should tell your principal, or at least change schools.”

“If I told the principal then Jay would find another way to hurt me again and I already told you, there are no other schools in this area”

“Then we can move.”

“I don't want you to spend money that you don't have on a worthless cause,” I explain as she tries to look under my shirt. I shake my head as a way to tell her not to, but she lifts it anyway.

“You are not a worthless case, Ash,” she said grimacing looking at the inflamed and bruised area. She grabbed an icepack from the freezer, wrapped it in the towel, and offered it to me. “We can finish this conversation later. Right now I have to head to work, otherwise, I will be late, then we really won't have any money.” She kisses me on the forehead before grabbing her purse.

“I love you Mom,” I said as she opened the door.

“I love you too sweetie, dinner is in the fridge, make sure you finish your homework and remember-.”

“Don't stay up too late, I know, I won't, bye!” I yelled as she closed the door and drove away. I grabbed a clean bowl from the sink and filled it with the lasagna from the fridge. I didn’t have the patience to heat it up, and I was too hungry to care. I somehow managed to walk the few steps down the hall and into my tiny room. I could hear Bailey dragging my backpack to my door and up to my make-shift desk as I settled in my bed.

***

I walk into class expecting to be the first one like always, but instead, there was a tall curly blond-haired kid sitting at the desk right next to mine. No one ever sat there before. I liked being solitary, or at least I'd gotten used to it.

“HI I’m Leo, I’m new here. It’s nice to meet you, what’s your name?” I turn to face him and am immediately drawn to his eyes. They were amber with flecks of gold and seemed to radiate light. I was so mesmerized I almost forgot how to speak.

“Oh hi, you’re new, obviously. Um, my name’s...Ash,” I managed to stammer.

“Well then,” he said, a warm smile spreading across his face. “I know that we're not kids anymore and this is not how it normally works but, do you wanna be friends? ” He grinned and I could see his pearly white teeth.

I looked at him, sadness filling my eyes. “I’m sorry, I don't think you wanna be friends with me.”

“And why is that?” he said, his beautiful smile falling from his face.

“Oh, don't misunderstand me,” I laughed, “It’s just, a guy like you would probably want to hang out with the other jocks, not a freak like me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for one, a guy like you, could probably get any girl you wanted without even having to lift a finger. Me on the other hand, well...everyone steers clear of me. You see, I’m the school freak.” I explained pointing to my eyes.

“I think your eyes are beautiful,” he said, taking my hand. “Please be my friend, I don't care if you are the freak of the school, I still want to be your friend. We can be freaks together.”

“Ok,” I said, Laughing

“Oh, so the girlfriend steeler is a fagg now?” a voice rang through the room. “Well, I guess it’s no surprise, I mean just look at you.”

“What the fuck, Jay. I-I’m not fucking gay.” I yelled, pulling away from Leo and standing up.

“Ya right, you probably-”

“Ok everyone, Into your seats.” Jay was cut short by the teacher, good timing as well. I didn't want to hear whatever was about to come out of Jay’s dirty mouth anyway. “As you all know we have a new student here with us today,” she said beckoning Leo to the front of the class. “Why don't you come up here and introduce yourself to the class.” Leo got up and slowly dragged himself to the front of the small room.

“Hello, my name is-” he started to say.

“Please talk a little louder.”

Leo nodded before continuing once more in a slightly louder voice. “Hello, My Name is Leo. I moved here from Italy and my native language is french but I learned English at a young age so you don't have to worry about me not understanding. I hope we can all get along. Thank you.” He finished and started to walk back to his seat.

***

A few months later

It turns out that Leo was in all of my classes. We sat next to each other in all of them and started becoming really good friends. He sat with me at lunch and had his mom drive us home from school. We told each other everything and I was finally happy to have someone like him. I felt a strong connection with him. I couldn’t figure it out, or explain to myself how I felt about him, or how I felt when I was around him. That was all about to change.

During the last class of the day, after the teacher turned around to face the board, one of Jay's friends smacked a small piece of paper into Leo’s chest. Looking at the boy, Leo took the paper into his hand and continued to his seat.

The rest of class, Leo just stared at the small paper. With 10 minutes left, Leo raised his hand and asked to go to the bathroom. He looked on the edge of tears as he sped walked out of the room. After class was finished, I made a beeline toward the bathroom. Opening the door I could make out the faint sound of someone crying in the stall. Checking to make sure that no one else was in the room, I locked the door before heading over to the source of the noise.

“Leo?” I called. When he didn't answer, I pulled myself up so I could see over the stall and sure enough, sitting on the bathroom floor was Leo. Oh god, if it hadn't been Leo I would have been so embarrassed.

He looked up at me with a tear-streaked face and stood up. I jumped down from the door so that he could unlock it and open it. As he stood there, tears still flowing down his face, I pulled him into a hug. We stood there like that for a while before I knew it was safe to speak.

“What happened, and don't worry, you can talk to me,” I said, hugging him tighter to my chest before letting go. Leo pulled the sheet of paper from his pocket and handed it to me. I slowly unfolded it, and sure enough written in big, bold, messy, handwriting read, DIE YOU FUCKING FAGG. “Oh my god,” I whispered, looking at Leo who was now on the floor sobbing.

“I-I I never thought that they would bully me about it...they- they cornered me behind the school, they told me to admit that I was gay,” he paused, trying to calm down. “So I thought, what's the harm, what would they actually do if they found out.” I knelt down beside him and pulled him into another hug.

“Shhhh, It will be ok, you will be ok.” As I pulled away I looked him in the eyes. Leos's breathing had since sped up and he looked as if he would faint from the hiperventalating. “Name 5 things that you can see,” I said placing my hand on his back, doing my best to calm him down.

Looking at me confused he started naming the things that he could see. “ Um, the toilet, the stall door,” he paused, “why exactly are you telling me to do this?” he questioned, stifling a sob.

“Just trust me, It will help.”

“O-ok, um the yellowed floor, my hands, your eyes.” he finished.

“Ok, Now name 4 things that you can touch.”

He then went on to name things that he could touch. “The floor, my tears, the wall, Your hands.”

“Three things that you can hear.”

“The kids passing in the hallway, my heartbeat, Your voice.”

“Two things that you can smell.”

“Shit, and your cologne,” he said laughing.

“Now, one thing that you can taste.”

“My tears.” he finished, wiping his face with his sleeve. He looked at me, before bursting out into laughter. “Omg, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Before we met, I ran into Jay, I asked him if we could be friends. He said that he would think about it. I thought that he was actually going to take me up on it.” Putting his head into his hands, he mumbled “I’m such a moron.”

“Well, you're a cute moron,” I thought to myself.

“Cute...you think I’m cute?” Leo questioned, looking up with a smile beaming across his face.

“Wait, did I say that out loud?”

“I’m afraid so.” He smiled. I felt my face go red. Heat spread into a blush on my cheeks.

“Oh god, what have I done,” I wined. “You know what, fuck it,” I said turning to face Leo, “I think you are cute, adorable, hot even. I admire everything you do. Before you moved here my life was terrible as fuck… but once you showed up, you brought light to my sucky life. You are what I look forward to in my day.”

“Was that a confession, mister ‘I’m the freak of the school,’ ” he asked, his warm, handsome smile spreading on his face. It reminded me of the sun coming out after a storm.

“Ok one, that was a terrible imitation of me, two, I guess so.” A thin smile sprouted on my plain face.

Before I knew what was happening, Leo’s warm lips were pressed against mine and I was kissing him back. In that moment, I felt myself finally relaxing. Letting go. Letting go of all the pain I suffered, because I knew that It would be ok. As long as I had Leo, even for just a moment, it would all be worth it.