TW: this chapter contains homophobic slurs, violence, and panic attacks.

“Alright! How do I look?”

Evelyn glances up from her book, rolling her eyes “Kayden this is the ninth time you’ve asked me this question.”

“I know, I know. I’m just nervous Eve.” I sigh. Ten years ago marked the end of the worst four years of my life, high school. Tonight is our big reunion. And you may be wondering…

“Kay, why are you even going, let alone dragging me along with you? May I remind you of the endless nights you called me crying?” Evelyn says as she puts her book aside and scoots to the end of my bed.

“I- well… you know, when are we ever going to eat such expensive food for free again?” I say looking over at Evelyn. The room is filled with silence and I swear I see her eye twitch a few times in annoyance before she sighs and walks over to me, placing her hands on my shoulders.

“Alright then. Kady, I won’t leave your side for a second, okay? So you’ve got nothing to worry about.” She moves her hands to my cheeks and pinches them lightly. “No big spooky monsters will be hurting my little bean.” She says, in a baby voice.

“Shut up.” I scoff, gently shoving her away. “Ok, but on a serious note, how do I look?”

“God, how have I been able to put up with you for this long?” Evelyn grabbed my hand and pulled me along with her. We walked through the main area of my small apartment. I don’t have much except for a small faded black couch with a box holding up one side of it since one of its legs broke, a wooden coffee table, a side table against the wall that holds a gaming console, and above it, a TV mounted to the wall. Next to my cozy living area is a window where I have a small table that holds my little coffee plant and a cactus. And on the other side of the living area are the tiny kitchen and the front door.

Evelyn grabs her keys and purse off the kitchen counter and we head for the door. The elevator here hasn’t been working for years now. There’s a sign on it that reads:

“Out of Order, Will be fixed soon :)”

Someone had written in pen under the print, “this is bullshit”, with an arrow pointing to “will be fixed soon.” So I have to take the stairs every day and I live on the 8th floor. Let’s just say my calves are well-defined. 

We make it to Evelyn’s faded green Honda Civic, her first car that she refuses to get rid of, and head in the direction of the restaurant. The closer we get the more I start to fidget and my leg begins to bounce. Was this really a good idea? I mean it’s been ten years no one will remember me. Right?

“We’re here.” Evelyn chirps, interrupting my thoughts. I look from my fidgeting hands and meet Evelyn’s eyes. I can tell she sees the pure panic on my face. She gives me that classic mom look, you know, the one every mom gives before they’re about to count to three. 

“Okay okay, I got it. No more freaking out.” I say. She remains silent. “Come on Eve stop looking at me like that already. You’re scarier than high school.” I shiver.

She gives me a soft smile and winks. “You’ll be fine Kayden. Just keep your mind on all that free expensive food.” She gives me one more encouraging smile before we both exit the car and make our way into the restaurant. The principal of the school bought out the whole place for the night so everyone here is going to be from our class. Upon entering the restaurant I glance around and recognize many familiar faces and with them, many unpleasant memories start to resurface. All my anxiety from the car ride comes crashing back and I unconsciously grab the sleeve of Evelyn’s leather jacket. Evelyn notices but before she can say anything a petite blue-eyed blonde girl dressed head to toe in designer approaches us. “Oh my god! Is that Kayden Gray?” I recognize her as Mackenzie McAllister. Her father is the CEO of a major company and her mother is a neurosurgeon. She was a cheerleader at our school and at one point she dated Zack Cromwell, one of my many bullies. She never really talked to me, just casually reapplied her lipstick as her boyfriend messed with me. 

She wrapped herself around my arm causing me to tense up slightly. “Gosh, you haven’t changed a bit Kay Bear. Still such a little cutie just like in high school.” I cringed at the new nickname and gently shrugged her off.

“You haven’t changed either McAllister. It’s nice to see you again.” I said giving her a polite smile. 

“Oh please Kay Bear, drop the formalities we’re friends now.” She gave me a cutesy smile and looked over at Evelyn. “And your name was... uh.”

“Evelyn Solace,” she held out her hand. “I don’t think we've ever met.”

Mackenzie reached out and shook her hand. “I guess we haven’t. I mainly know Kay Bear here through one of my horrible exes.” She rolled her eyes and flashed me a sympathetic look. ”He used to treat you so horribly. I always wanted to do something about it but I was just too scared, you know?” She said, reclaiming my arm and looking up at me with doe eyes. 

At that moment, one unpleasant memory started to become more vivid than the rest.

***

Zack had me on the floor with my back against the wall, hovering over me with Griffin not far behind him. We were in one of the old science labs that weren’t being used anymore so there was no chance of someone coming to help me now. I was cowering as far back against the wall as I could, holding my knees to my chest. Zack suddenly jerked my face up. “I’ve got a little treat for you.” He said, holding up an iced coffee from a popular cafe. “And guess what, I got it specially made just for you. It has extra hazelnut. I know how much you love hazelnut, Gray.” He seethed.

I had an incident in freshmen year, Evelyn had gotten a hazelnut coffee and wanted me to try it, she didn’t know I was allergic so I don’t blame her, I started to have an allergic reaction seconds later and breathing became uncomfortable. In my rush to get my inhaler, I spilled the coffee on Zack who was sitting across from us at the lunch table. One thing led to another and now everyone who wanted to make my life miserable knew I was allergic to hazelnut.

Zack started squeezing my cheeks to force my mouth open which shocked me out of the memory. “Come on open up. I know how much you must love to have things shoved down your throat, faggot.” My body started to shake uncontrollably and the pain from my cheeks pressing against my teeth became unbearable and my mouth opened on its own.

“Stop Zack!” I yelled. He didn’t. He started pouring the entire coffee into my mouth causing me to choke on it. He let me go and I started coughing up hazelnut coffee while reaching for my bag to get my inhaler before the symptoms started. Just as I was reaching for it, Zack snatched it away. “Please, Zack.” I choked out. 

He ignored me and instead looked to his friend, “I wonder how long he'll last without this.” He says, pulling out my inhaler. Griffin chuckled. 

“Shame Damien ain’t here to see this,” Griffin said.

I slowly stood up and reached for my inhaler. “Give it back, Zack.” My voice came out ragged. Zack tossed it to Griffin.

“You can try to catch it if you want.” He laughed. I could die here soon, well maybe that's a tad bit dramatic but still, he was turning this into a game. Breathing was becoming more and more of a struggle every second, not just from the allergy but also the brewing panic attack. Zack shoved me against the wall, “Worthless piece of shit.” He spat. I collapsed onto the ground my vision becoming blurry due to my hyperventilating and tears. There was a loud noise suddenly and I heard Zack talking along with a few other voices. Eventually, I passed out, and the next thing I knew I was in the nurse's office somehow magically fine.

***

“You okay, Kay Bear? You’re shaking.” Mackenzie’s high-pitched voice rang, knocking me out of my trance. I shook her off my arm for the second time.

“Yeah sorry, just a little nervous seeing everyone again. I’m sure I’ll be fine once I sit down and everything.” I said, rubbing my neck and smiling weakly. Evelyn gave me a concerned look but I pretended not to notice.

“Aw Kay Bear! Still so cute. Come come! You and your girlfriend can sit with me at my table.” She chirped, grabbing hold of both our hands this time. Evelyn and I made matching sour faces at her comment.

“We’re just friends.” We said in sync. Which only made Mackenzie giggle. 

“That’s our table over there.” She pointed to a round booth in the corner. I immediately stopped in my tracks. 

“Uhm Mackenzie, isn’t that Cromwell?” I spoke just above a whisper. 

“Hm? Oh yeah but he won’t bother you don’t worry he-“ 

“I think it’d be better if Kayden and I went to another table.” Evelyn interrupted, she squeezed her hand out of Mackenzie’s and into mine, tugging me lightly in the opposite direction. But before I could even have a sense of relief. Mackenzie pulled me the other way.

“Nonsense. Come on it’ll be fun.” She said, dragging both of us along with her. The tiny girl sure was stronger than she looked because the next thing I knew I was standing in front of the booth, being stared down by Zack Cromwell.

Not even free expensive food could make this night any better.