Enough. I finally had enough. Everything was just too overwhelming at this point. I just want the pain to stop - I just want to go to sleep. It was nearly midnight when Ash found himself staring up at his favorite willow tree. His safe place - the place he would go when he needed to get away. Somedays the walk from his family home through the forest was enough to make the urges stop, but more often than not it wasn't and he would end up with new marks and fresh blood painting his skin. At first the scars were white and easily hid, but nowadays they were a deep angry red and could only be hidden with sleeves. Luckily, Ash was perpetually cold so no one was the wiser when he stopped wearing short sleeves all together. It was early fall, and the leaves were changing from a vibrant green to glowing embers of red and gold. The calm breeze that came with summer began to leave, and fall’s bitter draft swept the forest. Alone, Ash sat against the trunk of his only companion holding an orange bottle in one hand and a razor in the other. He had thought about this moment all day and night since he had been unable to sleep for the past two days. His heart hurt too much and mind abandoned him. Whatever small shred of hope he had been clinging to was gone, and Ash was adrift in the sea of isolation and emptiness. It was too much. He was ready. Looking down at his hands, Ash quickly popped the bottle of sleeping pills open and downed as many as he could at a time. He poured them out into his palm like sand and swallowed them dry, the scratchy feeling in his throat not even phasing him. Once the bottle was empty he glanced at the razor. It shone in the moonlight like a star - its surface reflecting the light of the full moon as it glowed softly. The pills should work, but Ash wasn’t confident and this time he wanted to get it right. No more hospitals, no more psych wards, no more attempts. This was it. This was the end. He quickly pulled up his black sleeves and placed the cooling metal against his skin, his flesh goosebumping in anticipation. He felt no pain as he dragged the blade across his wrist and forearm. He hadn’t felt pain from this in a long time so why would tonight be any different? He cut deep gashes on his left wrist, before switching hands and repeating this process on the right. Blood was flowing, but he didn’t cut deep enough to get to the vein. Hopefully the pills would work and soon he could drift to sleep. Hopefully this time he could end it all.  

Ashton would be twenty-five soon. He holds a degree in accounting and finance, and he works at his family company keeping track of spending and profit. His parents have never held him in high regard because Ash was born an omega. Despites social progress in terms of gender and secondary gender equality, Ash, like many male omegas, experienced discrimination daily. The worst of which came from his parents, Cynthia and William, and small town. Ash was on the smaller side standing at five foot six inches and was very lean since he tended to skip meals or abstain from food entirely on days the depression was too much. He was naturally thin with a small waist and larger hips, but due to the lack of nutrition more often than not Ash looked pallid and sickly. His sandy blonde hair was dull and lifeless and his skin had an unhealthy tone. Ash almost never looked in the mirror, though, so his appearance rarely crossed his mind. He often kept his shoulder length hair in a bun and lived in jeans and black shirts. Ash still lived with his parents, but it was more like he was the house-sitter and live-in maid than a family member. They were rarely home these days, but would show up every now and then expecting Ash to drop everything and help them with whatever investment project they were working on. Despite Ash’s proficiency in the field, his parents refused to promote him beyond accounting clerk so while they traveled, Ash was trapped at home with his office just a short bike ride away. His parents preferred to heap their praise on Ash’s older sibling Thea, a beta who also studied accounting. Despite Ash’s academic prowess, in their eyes he would never amount to anything beyond his gender. In part due to his gender Ash was always a hard worker and strove for straight As. Even though he was bullied and tormented daily by his peers, Ash never let his grades slip and his persistence paid off. At the end of his senior year he was offered a full-ride scholarship for a local university. Ash knew his parents would never have paid for him to attend school so earning a scholarship was the only way he would further his education. Ash’s true interest was in literature, but when he declared it as his major his parents threatened to remove him from campus entirely. Worried he would be forced back home and unable to complete his studies, Ash acquiesced and changed his major to finance to appease his family. After four years he completed his degree and was immediately put to work at his father’s firm. 

While Ash was away his older sibling Thea had eloped and moved out of town without telling him. He wasn’t even sure if she still had the same phone number now. Throughout school Ash managed to have a few acquaintances here and there, but only one person he would consider a friend. While at school, his depression and anxiety had only worsened and when he returned to the small town that started his torment things would not improve. Rumors had been spread in his absence that he had slept his way to a degree and that he was so dirty and used that no one would ever want him. Ash rarely adventured outside of his routine, but he couldn’t hide from the snide remarks and sideways glances that constantly bombarded him. Those so-called acquaintances avoided Ash like the plague and as the months went on Ash became more isolated and despondent. The razor blade Ash began carrying at the age of eleven became his only friend as he would spend many nights staring at it, willing himself not to give in to the urges to cut. More often than not it was a losing battle. Now, here he was again. Bleeding and crying invisible tears. The willow above him granting comfort, and the fog of nothingness closing in. He was ready to go. He began to sing to himself softly thinking that his pain would finally be over. It wasn’t until he heard a branch breaking that he realized he wasn’t alone. Emerging from the tree line just in front of Ash was a stranger whose tan skin reflected the moonlight like umber. Before Ash could comprehend what or who that man was, he lunged forward and reached for Ash’s wrists. The scent of smoke suddenly enveloped him and Ash closed his eyes in ecstasy. He had never been around something so - comforting. The sleeping pills still sat in his stomach, but he could tell they had begun to dissolve. The edges of his vision were blackening and he could no longer feel his hands or feet. The man in front of him was frantically wrapping his wrists with something, but Ash knew it would do no good. The cuts were too shallow to die from. The pills are what would truly end him. He sighed, slightly upset that his last moments were still an inconvenience to someone. He looked on at the gorgeous man in front of him trying to focus his blurry eyes until suddenly he was looking at the ground while the man’s fingers breach his mouth and enter his throat. The man pushes further back until Ash cannot hold back and begins throwing up - the half digested pills coming up violently. “No,” he thinks to himself, “ I was so close.” Tears run down his cheeks, but Ash is too tired to fight back. After what feels like hours of purging Ash is turned back over and leaned back against the tree, the man handling him gently as if he would break into a million pieces. In his mind Ash was already broken, “I can’t do this again,” he thought to himself as his eyes shut and he quickly fell asleep, the image of the stranger's grey eyes the last thought he had. The man checked Ash’s wrists again to make sure the bandages were tight enough before gently scoping Ash up and holding him tightly to his chest. Ash smelled like sweat and bile, but underneath Jaxon could smell what lured him to this area in the first place: grapefruit and sage. Holding Ash as gently and securely as he could, Jaxon began walking back to his truck so he could take the young man home and clean him up.