I could feel the music more so than hear it. It pounded in my skull and sent tingles through my fingers. I couldn't hear the words if there even were any. No. I just felt empty. 

I saw black masses in the shape of bodies filling the small space in the low light. Most were dancing, some were making out, and only a few stopped what they were doing long enough to take another hit or drink of their poison for the night. 

My own poison wasn't working tonight. The drugs I had pushed into my body an hour ago should be running ramped in my bloodstream right now, giving me the pure bliss I had been craving since the day started but I sat here, in a random house, surrounded by random people I didn't know, barely even remembering how I got here, feeling completely empty. 

There was no rush of euphoria, no lessened pain, no relaxation. It was just empty. 

I didn't ask to be this way. I never wanted the life I had been forced into. The last thing I ever thought I would be was an addict but here I was. 

A large part of me wanted to go back to the hotel. To simply get up, walk out the door, and never look back. Another part, a small nag in the back of my head, reached for the needle I had laid on my knee. 

Just enough, it whispered in such a soothing voice I couldn't ignore it. Just enough to get a little buzz. Just enough to feel something. It won't hurt anything. Just another little bit more. Just enough to make it feel right. 

I shouldn't listen. I should never listen but that voice was sweet and sang to me on nights when I was low and just needed something to help me get through the day. 

It's not like I had anything important to do tomorrow anyway. A little extra wouldn't hurt. A few minutes from now everything would feel right again. That's all I needed, for things to feel right. To feel anything other than this crushing black weight on my chest. 

I picked up the syringe even though I knew I shouldn't. I picked it up and pulled the dark liquid out of the small jar I had found at the door the second I walked into this house. It was the only friend I would make here tonight but I wasn't sure I minded that. 

Just enough. 

The needle stung as I plunged it into my arm, a sting that I always thought I would get used to as time went on but never did. 

I could feel the liquid work its way into my body. Could feel it mix with my blood and spread throughout me slowly. 

I closed my eyes at the feeling as I sank farther into the couch, waiting for that bliss to finally take over. 

I waited and waited. 

It didn't come. 

That just wasn't enough. A little more and you'll feel better. 

I didn't need any more. I was pushing my limit on the last dose. 

Anything is better than feeling this.

Death isn't all that appealing. 

Death isn't a guarantee. Besides, who would miss you if you were gone anyway? Do you want to keep feeling this? You know this is the only way to feel alright again.

It had a point. No one would miss me and I was fucking tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of smiling and having conversations I couldn't care less about. Tired of being everyone's show pony. Tired of this awful fucking weight in my chest that just wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. 

Come on. Just a little more. 

It sang to me like a siren's call. A song I knew all too well and loved to hear. It was a melody that sank its claws into my brain and refused to let go but it was a gorgeous sound.

I stared at the vial in my hand. It was mostly empty already. I felt absolutely nothing, what could a few milligrams really do?

Exactly. Even this probably won't be enough. Just finish off this vial and you can go hunt down something else. Something stronger.

I shouldn't. 

But you will. Come on, just a bit more and everything will be alright again.

I was so tired but I forced my hands to move again, repeating the same process I had done far too many times to count. It ended with me leaning back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for that endless bliss I wanted oh so much.

It never came. 

I wanted to get up, leave, and just go to bed. I could try again tomorrow with my own supply, some more high-quality shit hidden in the back of my suitcase. But I couldn't move. My body refused to listen to me when I tried to force my feet to move. It refused to listen when I tried to get my arms to push me away from the couch. It refused to listen when I tried to so much as wiggle a finger. 

I couldn't find it in myself to care as I allowed myself to drift farther back onto the couch. 

A nap here wouldn't hurt. I would wake up tomorrow in time for my later flight and forget this ever happened. Sleep sounded better than walking anyway. 

I stared at the room in front of me. The overhead lights had been turned on at some point and flashing red and blue lights drifted in through the window. 

There was a man standing in front of me. His hair was brown and wild as if he had pushed through the crowd to get to me, his brown eyes wide in concern. His lips were moving as if he were trying to speak but no words came out, or maybe I just wasn't hearing them. 

A blinding light was shoved in my face only moments later but I didn't have the energy to look away from it. 

That panicked face tightened as he stared at me before speaking into a radio hooked on his chest. 

He continued to speak but I heard nothing as I stared at him. 

My eyes closed and there was a tap on my face, something just annoying enough to force my eyes to pop open. He was glaring at me now, still speaking silent words. My eyes closed again and the tapping returned but I didn't bother looking this time. 

I didn't want to see the disappointment in the eyes of a stranger. Didn't want to see the disgust or anger or pity there. 

Sleep called to me and I let it wash over me like a dark cloud. 

I'll take the pain away, it promised me. Just sleep and when you wake up tomorrow we can try again.

I let the dark cloud carry me away, praying its promise wasn't another sick trick. Sleep was better than this feeling anyway. Sleep was nothing and everything all at once and that was better than the lack of both so I let my head lull to the side as the darkness took over.