“Are you alright, Si Woo?” came the soft, cooing voice and the gentle stroking of the hand that he had once relied on.

He felt sick.

“No one loves you as much as I do. Do not forget that if your parents found out that they will blame you. And then you will have no one. It’s your fault, who told you to be so beautiful.”

…

Si Woo watched as the water swirled violently as his hand came away from the handle of the toilet.

He had overeaten. A bad habit and he knew this.

For a long moment he stared coldly at the white porcelain. Then he looked up and his eyes met those of the person staring back at him through the reflection.

Beautiful.

That’s what that man had called him.

He stared blankly at the figure before him.

Light brown hair and hazel eyes. Rare. Large, upturned, hazel eyes. What was so good about these eyes?

Full, wide lips. Small nose. High nose bridge. Clear, pale skin. Blemishless. 

Not a flaw in sight.

Skinny, skinny, skinny.

Beautiful, the man had said.

Beautiful.

Finally.

How many years had it been since he had yearned for this?

He left the bathroom after washing his hands, not bothering to dry them. Large droplets of water fell down into the pristine floor, trailing the path of long, graceful fingers.

Plink. Plink. Plink.

“Where have you been?” A high screech-like voice came from somewhere in the room in front of him.

A harpy?

“How dare you keep us waiting when we were just about to have dinner?” the high voice continued. “You stuffed your face in your room again, didn’t you?”

Si Woo blinked.

He was beautiful now and yet—why? Why did she still continue to?

“Must we wait for such a spoiled, vulgar child?”

“Leave him alone,” responded another, deeper voice. “Perhaps he took so long because he wished to be presentable for his uncle.”

Si Woo looked up and met the man’s eyes. Eyes that were so similar to his mother's but so different from his.

“You have grown up very beautifully,” the man continued, meeting his gaze over a glass of wine so red Si Woo briefly wondered from where it was sourced.

Beautiful.

That word again. His stomach briefly rolled.

“Nowhere near as beautiful as my Si Hwan," she said, diverting the man's attention. "Did you see the video I sent you of his concert? They are talking about sending him to Julliard already. Fifteen years old and a prodigy.”

Si Woo stopped himself from reacting as he took his seat beside his younger brother, her perfect little Si Hwan.

Again his stomach rolled.

Si Woo looked up and found the man’s eyes on him.

“Yes, I saw the video,” he replied, their gazes still locked. “And he is certainly spectacular. Both beautiful and talented.” He then paused and turned to look at his sister. “Where is your husband tonight?”

Si Woo watched as the woman briefly froze, her shoulders growing tense before she released them and looked up, a smile upon her face.

He felt sick.

“He said he will be working late.”

“Ah,” the man replied and nodded without saying another word. “So then it’ll be just us tonight.”

The chair squeaked as Si Woo rose and excused himself for the bathroom once more.

~

A few years back and where the story begins.

~

Someone was shaking him.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

He opened his eyes, the flesh of his cheek pressed firmly against the cold floor.

“Hyung.”

He looked up and saw a small body crouching down beside him. The words shut up were at the tip of his tongue. He hated that word.

“Hyung,” the voice said again and Si Woo raised his head just slightly until his cheek just barely touched the floor.

A young boy barely older than twelve stared back at him as he crouched on the bathroom floor in his school uniform, his backpack straps held firmly in his grasp.

Si Woo groaned.

“Do you need help getting up?”

He ignored the kid as he placed his hands beneath his body and tried to prop himself up.

He staggered and the child rushed in, placing his small hands on Si Woo’s shoulder but Si Woo, despite being only a year or two older than him, was much larger and they were both sent tumbling down onto the hard, cold floor.

“Your breath stinks, hyung,” the boy said the moment after he gave up on struggling beneath him.

Si Woo groaned then moved to stand once more, ignoring the kid as he stumbled to the sink.

Turning on the faucet, he splashed cold water onto his face then looked up.

“You don’t look so good,” a voice came from behind him and Si Woo looked into the mirror, past his reflection to the boy.

He looked back at his own reflection. A round face with bloodshot eyes stared back at him. 

Pig.

Ugly. Fat. Rotten personality.

That’s what they had called him. That’s what she had called him.

He turned to look at the boy. A normal kid. Normal height, black hair, black eyes. His brother’s age.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” the boy asked, undeterred by his silence.

Si Woo shook his head. “No, I don’t need your help. Go home. You’re just a kid.”

“You’re one too, though.”

“What?”

The boy’s reflection blinked at him. “You’re wearing the M Academy uniform. That means you’re in middle school too. So you’re a kid, like me.”

Si Woo looked back at him in disbelief. “You think we’re the same?”

But the boy did not respond to that. Instead he turned to look around the bathroom. “I heard you throwing up,” the boy said, finally turning back to meet his eyes. “Are you sick? You should take medicine and sleep if you’re sick.”

Sick? Him? He splashed more water in his face then gargled. Yeah, he supposed he was sick in a way.

He wiped away the water and his gaze met those of his reflection’s as he watched the flesh beneath his chin jiggle.

How many more days till it finally went away?

“I’m not sick,” he finally responded to the boy. “I was throwing up to get rid of the food I ate.”

The boy blinked. “Why?”

Si Woo scoffed and met the boy’s eyes through the mirror. “Because I’m fat.”

The boy blinked again. “Oh,” then shuffled on his feet. “Well… my mom is kind of fat and she’s been on a diet for a year.”

“Is she ugly?”

The boy looked at him in surprise. “No, she’s not ugly.”

“Well I’m ugly.”

The boy looked at him confused. “Because you’re fat?”

“Maybe.” He looked back at the mirror, staring at the bloodshot eyes, the blemishes, the flesh that jiggled every time he moved.

“I don’t think you’re ugly, hyung.”

Si Woo blinked. He looked up. He had forgotten the boy was there, he had been too preoccupied with the mirror.

“What?” Si Woo said, finally turning to look at the kid. The faucet was still on behind him, the water running, rushing loudly in the nearly empty bathroom. He didn’t care about this kid, he would never see him again. That’s why he had told him. But what the fuck was that response? Was he making fun of him?

“I don’t think you’re ugly, hyung,” said the kid again, his gaze straightforward as they met his. “I don’t think you’re ugly at all.”