Skylar POV

If my life was a movie it would definitely be one that starts off good, but then you soon realize you are watching a slow train wreck. By the end of the movie, you'd wonder what the hell you just watched. That would be the movie of my life. A good start, and a decent middle, but a complete train wreck by the end.

What would that movie be called?

The relationship of Skylar Clifton and Jade Tate.

Starring a love-blinded fool and Jade freaking Tate.

I used to think Jade Tate was perfect. A girl with everything going for her. Someone who would sweep me off my feet and make me weak in the knees. A girl unlike any other. I was partially right. She does have a lot going for her, she does make me weak in the knees and she is unlike anyone I've ever met.

But.

Jade Tate is not perfect.

Never has been, never will be. Jade Tate may be all those things but she is also manipulative, clingy, controlling, and probably the most infuriating person I've ever met. Against my will, I love her all the same.

At least I used to think so.

For a long time, I did.

But these days I'm not so sure.

What if I was wrong?

What if I don't know what love is? What if I don't love her? What if she doesn't love me? What if she never did?

Where is all this coming from? Well let me tell you, I am very lonely these days. Jade is super famous now and she's always off doing something. Off at work, off with her friends, off at some super cool party.

I'm not much better. I have school and track and my job.

But I miss her.

Which is so stupid because we literally live together.

At least I used to think so.

She's gone more often than she's here.

And when she is here, I'm not.

I know I got myself into this mess. That I held on when I should have let her go a long time ago. I rode this train till the bitter end. I have no one to blame for my predicament but me. I ignored all the red flags and pleas from friends and family. I bulldozed past the point of no return, I burned down my only safety raft. I'm stuck on this island, and I have no one to blame but myself.

The worst part is... she doesn't even realize something's wrong. Typical Jade. So long as her life is going smoothly she assumes mine is too. I can't tell if I'm more mad at myself for letting it get this bad or at Jade for not even trying.

I love her.

I want to love her.

I want her to love me.

Why is that such a hard thing to do?

I sigh and glance at the bedside clock which reads 3:11 AM. I turn over in bed and as usual, the other half of the bed is empty. Against my will my eyes water.

I miss her.

She's so unfair. She has to meddle in my life. Know what I'm doing, who I'm with, and what are my plans. But the moment I try and ask her the same, she gets so defensive and butt hurt. Part of me wishes she was cheating on me just so I have some type of excuse to end this train wreck. The other part knows I won't survive if that doubt in my head turns out to be true.

I close my eyes and wait for sleep to take me.

When my alarm goes off in the morning there she is, passed out on the bed. Still in her party clothes from last night. I turn my alarm off and just pull her into my arms. Having her close always soothes me.

She hums in delight and snuggles into me.

"Jade."

"Emm?" she hums half asleep.

"I miss you," I say softly.

"Okay," she mumbles before drifting back to sleep.

I sigh and drag myself out of bed before getting ready for school and leaving. I feed the cats on my way out and lock up the house.

There is this empty pit inside of me. The longer I ignore it, the worse it gets. The longer Jade ignores me, the worse I feel. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to say anything, I mean she's doing so good. Her career is taking off, her life is finally in order, and all her relationships are in good standing. Why would I want to start something now when she just looks so happy?

Maybe the problem is me.

Maybe I'm the one being weird. Maybe I'm clingy and controlling. Why should I be allowed to ruin her happiness? She's so amazing, so breathtaking, so lively, who am I to ruin it? So long as she's happy, that's all that matters, right?

Right?

"Hey," Vida jogs up next to me as I walk into class.

"Hey."

"You okay? You sound depressed."

"What does depression even sound like?" I plop down in my seat.

"Sounds like you." she plops next to me.

"It's nothing," I sigh.

"Doesn't sound like nothing."

I frown and look down at the ground.

"Hey, still with me?" she nudges me.

"How do you know if you love someone?" I ask.

"What?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"You okay?"

"What are you doing this weekend?" I change the subject.

"Oh, glad you asked. I'm moving into a new luxurious apartment, all by myself." She beams.

"What happened to your roommate?"

"I draw the line at moldy dishes okay. She had to go or I had to go. I found one in my price range and thought, what the hell." She shrugs.

"And your old room?"

"Subleasing it to someone else."

"Nice, maybe I could come over to help you decorate?" I pick at my spiral.

"Oh, you are coming over. Best friend law. No, if ands or buts. Wear crappy clothes because we are going to be painting."

"Okay," I smile at her.

"That's better," she playfully nudges me.

I giggle.

All day long Vida follows me around per usual. She purposely plans out her classes to be as close to mine, if not in my class, as much as possible. We always eat lunch together. She's like the only real friend I've made in college. Which is fine by me. I've always been a one-close-friend kind of girl.

"What are you doing after school today?" I ask.

"Work," she sighs.

"Oh," I frown.

"Why?"

"I'm off today, I don't want to be bored again."

"What about Jade?"

"What about her?" I say bitterly.

"Hmm..." she trails off.

I turn my head to look at her. We are laying on our backs out in the courtyard by the liberal arts building. It's pretty chilly outside but not unbearable. Because it's kind of chilly we are the only ones out here.

"Maybe I could call in," she turns her head to face me.

I smile.

"You don't have to do that for me." I point out.

"See you say that, but that smiles says otherwise," she teases.

I giggle.

"Maybe I'll just come with you to work." I shrug.

"Oh yeah because sitting at a bar all day sounds like loads of fun." She rolls her eyes.

"Maybe I can get you more tips," I smirk.

"Skylar Lane Clifton, while I never," she says in a southern bell accent.

I laugh.

"you aren't even 21 yet," she points out.

"But I know a bartender," I tease.

"Do you now?"

"Oh yeah, she's super cool."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah, and kind of hot which is why she gets a lot of tips."

"How hot are we talking?"

"Oh smoking hot for sure. How else would she afford her new luxury apartment?"

"Well, I must meet this super hot and cool bartender." She teases.

"Who knows, maybe you two will become best friends, hey you are a bartender too right?"

"Shut the hell up," she playfully smacks me in the stomach.

I laugh before moving to tickle her.

"Ah! Hey!" she laughs.

We roll around in the grass before I hear someone clearing their throat. I stop to catch my breath and see Jade standing there.

"Jade," I sit up.

"Surprise, I heard what you said this morning and thought I'd surprise you with lunch." She holds up a bag of takeout.

"Uh, thanks..."

"What?" Jade asks.

"We already ate," Vida supplies.

"Oh."

"But there is always room for more." I get up and dust myself off.

Jade smiles at me and my heart can't help but melt for her.

Why do I have to love her?

"Anyway, so am I calling in or not?" Vida asks.

"Go to work, you need money," I push her towards the building.

"Fine, ugh." She pouts as she walks off.

"I didn't think you were listening," I say once Jade and I were alone.

"I was, I was just sleepy." She shrugs.

I smile at her.

"So you miss me?"

"Yeah," I kick at the ground.

"Sorry, I've just been so busy lately." She grabs my hand and leads me to a good spot on the ground before sitting down.

I sit next to her.

"Yeah I know, it's okay. It's dumb, I was just being insecure is all." I shrug.

"Come here," she outstretches her arms.

I move over to her and she pulls me into her lap. I feel at peace all of a sudden. Like the world could end and I would be okay with it, so long as I am in her arms. I could be on fire, I could be strapped to a bomb, I could be bleeding out, and none of it would matter so long as she is near me.

I rest my head on her shoulder and snuggle into her.

"I miss you," my voice shakes and my eyes water.

She wraps her arms tightly around me and warms me with her body.

She stays silent. Kissing me on the forehead and rocking me in her arms.

"Stay home tonight, please," I beg.

"Okay," she says.

I feel a weight lift off my shoulders and for the moment the pit inside of me is gone. If only she knew the power she holds over me. How I am nothing without her, how I am helpless without her.

What if she does know?

"So, I brought your favorite but we can skip to dessert if you want," she reaches for the food.

"I love you," I say.

"Love you too," she pecks me on the lips.

For the moment I can breathe easy again. All is right with the world and I feel safe, I feel free, I feel at home.

When Jade leaves back home I go to class and sit with Vida. I'm in a much better mood for the rest of the day. All my doubts seem so far away now. When I get home I expect Jade to be lazing around waiting for me. I expect her to want to cuddle and watch a movie together or something.

Instead, I find her getting ready to go out.

"Jade," I say.

"Hey lover girl," she winks at me.

"Jade you said..."

She thinks about it for a second before remembering, "Oh shoot. I'm sorry Skylar. It slipped my mind. Hey, why don't you come with me? I'm just going to a concert with some friends. Come on, you'll like it."

"No thanks, uh... have fun though." I force a smile.

"Thanks, you are the best. I'll make it up to you I swear." She pecks me on the lips and continues to get ready.

The empty pit is back.

In less than half an hour I am alone once more.

I stare at the door and feel the tears finally spill over. What is wrong with me? Why do I let her keep doing this? Why does it bother me so much? Why didn't I just go with her? Why didn't she push harder for me to go with her? Why... why am I still with her?

I take a shaky breath and wipe my tears, then I get dressed and leave.

I meet Vida at her job.

"Hey," I sit down at the bar.

"Hey, do I know you?" she teases.

"Maybe, you know you remind me of this hot bartender I know." I tease back.

She laughs and flings water at me.

I giggle.

I end up having a lot more fun than I intended to. You see this guy came and started telling a story. Halfway through the story, he was so drunk that he went off on a tangent to another story. He had everyone at the bar laughing, including me. By the time the night ended he had finally finished both stories.

Who knew bar people tell good stories?

Someone came to relieve Vida and I walked her to her car.

"You drive here?" she asks.

"Nah, I walked. It's not that far from my house. Besides my coach says I should walk whenever the opportunity presents itself."

"I can drive you home, you shouldn't walk this late at night."

"Okay," I shrug.

I get into her car and she turns up the radio.

"Oh shoot, we might have to make a pit stop at my new place. Is that okay?"

"Sure, why?"

"I forgot I left my windows open to air it out and they've been open all day. My neighbor just texted me."

"Hopefully your stuff is still there."

"I live on the third floor, I'm not worried about that. It's just there are these pesky squirrels and I don't want them sneaking in while I'm gone." She reverses out.

I laugh.

When we get to her place I have to navigate around mountains of boxes to get inside.

"Sorry, just think of this as a preview for all the work that needs to get done."

"Yikes," I nearly trip.

I kicked a box and outshot a squirrel. We both scream. We had to chase it around the apartment before it eventually fled out the window.

"I knew it!" Vida declared.

She slammed the window shut and whirled around too fast. She nearly fell forward over a box, but I caught her.

She looked up into my eyes and I looked into hers.

After a single heartbeat, I kissed her.

She quickly kissed me back.

It wasn't long before we were all over each other. She led me to her room where a mattress lay on the floor. I grabbed her shirt and ripped it open, buttons popping off the fabric and bouncing on the floor.

We fell back on the mattress and she straddled me.

I watched her throw her shirt off and take her hair down. The blond locks with blue ends flow gracefully down reminding me of a wave of water. I stared up at her in awe. She stared down at me.

There was this single moment of hesitation between us as we asked ourselves, should we really be doing this?

"Fuck... I'm so sorry Skylar, I just, it was the heat of the moment. I know you're with Jade, I didn't mean to—" I cut her off by sitting up and kissing her.

"I meant to," I said against her lips.

"Are you sure?" she kissed me again.

"If you don't want to," I quickly pull back.

"No," she caught my arm.

I stare into her eyes.

"I want to," she says.

"So do I," I said.

That was all that needed to be said, everything else didn't matter.

I kissed her hungrily and she pulled me out of my clothes. God, it's been so long, so fucking long since anyone's touched me like this. I wasn't just craving it, I needed it. My whole being needed this. I didn't realize how tight I was wound until Vida began to unwind me.

"Oh Skylar," she moaned on top of me as we rocked back and forth.

"Yes, oh Vida. Uh... god." I moaned back.

My hands touched every inch of her naked body and then some. We lost full control. I think she's been waiting for this to happen since she met me. Maybe part of me has always known our playful flirting was more than that. That her jabs at me were more than just jokes. Maybe I've always noticed how long she stares at me and how often her hand accidentally brushes against mine.

I tried my best to remain strong, but I think part of me always knew this would happen. I think I always knew I would be the first to crack. Jade is oblivious, and Vida is too much of a good friend to make the first move. It was always going to be me.

Because I am weak.

"God, Skylar!" she cried out.

"Oh, fuck... more, harder," I beg.

If my life was a movie, it'd be a train wreck.