How do you fight a contradiction like that? How do you fight silence and empty air?
Will you ever learn who is reaching out, and who is making empty gestures?
Is it wrong to get upset when someone becomes insistent and reaches beyond your boundaries? Wrong to feel sad when there is no push or pull at all?
Am I crazy? Am I horrible? I'm filled with guilt and anger because I just don't know.
My world has felt unbalanced for a long time. Pulled in every which direction by people that felt they knew better than me. Others who couldn't care at all.
I just wanted balance. I didn't need someone to change me. I needed someone to embrace me.
I'm just scared, and I know that's why I go in circles. I can't see the intentions in people. That's what scares me the most.
The more people you hang out with, the less they all matter - the less you matter.
Three is a group,
And four is a party;
But it only takes you two to dance.
When things started to build up for me, I wanted to scream. Louder than a pillow could hide. I wanted to grip my fists until my palms bruised. All this emotion. Irrational? Justified? Did I deserve to be so angry, so sad, so frustrated? Ask person to person and they'll have a different answer. So I walked away. I walked away from all these people and out into the woods.
To a place where a strange sheet calls to me. A reminder, a beacon. Is it hope? I don't know. I want to understand. I want to call out. I want to hope....I want to change again.
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