I'm not surprised to see him...

Am I really?

Just the way how he treated us in the past...I can't forget what he said.

Delete message?

Yes....delete...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I came back to Busan after another week staying at my grandparents' place. We stayed there in Busan for a day and left back to Osaka.

I stayed there for a few days and later left for Tokyo.

...

Click.

The door knobs turn and I look inside. Dust on the desk, drawers and on our beds.

Everything was untouched.

I drag my suitcase and my bags in. I sigh. Unpacking...

...

It's quiet.

Without him typing on his laptop, it's like...he disappeared.

I don't know where he is now. He's probably in Tokyo. But where are his belongs? His pillow is gone. So...he's not here.

He's...somewhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you want some?" Ken asks.

I shook my head. "It's fine..."

He takes the bottle away from me and pours it into his cup. "You look all depressed. What happened in Korea?"

I shook my head again. "It's fine...I don't want to talk about it."

He squints at me. "Sure..."

...

That bastard....he fucking made me drunk....

How did this even happen?

"So what happened?" He places his arm around me.

"Sniff, I don't know...." I tried to hold my tears. "He probably hates me nowww!!"

The bartender comes over to Ken. "Is he okay?"

"Oh yeah yeah, can I get more of this?"

"Ken, I hate youuuu! I can't believe you made me drink!" I start to hit him.

Ken blocks with his arm. "Ow ow ow! Stop it! You're acting like a kid!"

"Sir, you do know that you can not allow minors to drink." The bartender warns.

Ken slips money.

...that bastard...

"You're such a crybaby...." He pats my back. "What happened when you were in Korea?"

I sniffed and wiped my nose. "My roommate kissed me..."

Ken spits out the drink back into his cup. "Um...he's a guy...right?"

"Yes..."

"And you're crying over that?" Ken re-drinks it. "He just kissed you, so what--"

"That's not it!!" I yelled at him. "I think he hates me because he's gay or-or bi..."

Ken pauses. "...that doesn't make any--"

"You don't understand! We kissed before and I was drunk and-"

"Wait! This isn't your first drunk experience?! Damnit!"

I hit him. "Stop, I want to talk..." I laid my head on the counter and looked at Ken. "He probably hates me...sniff, and I don't want him to hate me..."

"Whoa whoa, but he kissed you? Why would he kiss you when he hates you?" Ken tries to focus.

I shrug, "He said sorry for kissing me and he felt bad and-and-and he didn't want talk to me afterward! But-but then he tried to touch my head and I moved away! I think he-he doesn't like me he-he doesn't like me anymoreee!!"

I was bawling my eyes out.

Everybody looked. Ken sighs and pats my back. "This is what I get for making you drunk..."

"I'm goin' call him!" I search through my pockets to find my phone.

Ken looks on the counter. He takes my phone. "You're so stupid and you're doing more stupid things..."

I shake my head. "Nooo....y-you keep complaining how Eri doesn't express how she loves you and kiss youu and shiet..." I wiped my eyes and lifted my head.

"Hyun Oh, we're just friends...." Ken scoffs. "...I just wish I could do something. But you still have a chance."

I shook my head and pout. "Nuuu...sniff, sniff, he probably doesn't like me anymore because he thinks I d-d-don't like himmmm!!!" I whine.

Ken sighs and pats my back. "Everything's your fault....man, what did you do? Did you ever think of that?"

"I don't knowww!!! Waaaaahhhhh-uhhhh-HIC!"

"Oh what? Now you have the hiccups?" He shakes his head. "Why are you so worried?! Guys aren't like this! They don't give a damn!"

"Maybe that's why Eri doesn't likeee youuuu!!!" I shout. "Maybe I'm gay!! Maybe I like Hidemi!! I-I don't know anymore!"

Ken stops. "I knew it."

I covered my mouth.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit!!!!!!

Even though my face was already red from drinking...it got more red.

"Wai-wait...do I like him?" I covered my face. "Maybe mom and dad and aunty and even Cindy were right...."aunty and even Cindy were right...."

"Who's Cindy??"

"Maybe I am gay...ugh...." I covered my face. "I don't know anymoreee...."

Ken shook his head, "You're always like this. Keep denying it and this is why you don't have anybody." He points at me.

I pout and wipe my face. "I never wanted to be gay...."

Ken was quiet. He was about to speak but stops. "You know what...never mind."

He hands me my phone. "Go ahead, call him..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What....where.....wait....where am I?

It's...it's not Ken's place...not the dorm...UGH! Ughh....my head...damn....

"Hidemi!!"

I jumped. I covered my ears. "What...wahh...."

That g-girl...H-Hona...

"Sh-Shit..." I whisper. She turned to look at me.

"Oh, you speak Japanese?" She tilts her head.

I nod. "C-Could you not speak so loud?"

She groans and stares at me. "You're Kim Hyun Oh, am I right?"

She ignored my question...

I nod. "Um...you're...umm..."

"Winshiga Hona...." She answers. "Hidemi told me about you..." She leans in.

I stop. H-Hidemi....

Hona leans back and stretches. "You're his roommate, right?"

I nod.

"Heh, he told me that you were calling him for help."

"H-Help?"

She nods and sighs with a grin. "Aren't you a little young to drink?"

Gah?!

She pulls out a badge, waving the badge back and forth. "What? Don't act like you never done it...children shouldn't drink..."

"K-Ken made me drink!!" I spilled.

She cocks her head to the side, "Ken?? Guy with brown nasty hair??"

I nod.

Hona groans and looks to the window. "Welp. I'm going." She grabs a set of keys and opens the door. "Hey! Hidemi! Take care of your roommate while I'm gone!"

I hear his voice. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to rattle, bye!" I hear the door shut in the distant.

I get up from the bed and look out the door.

It's...it's such a big apartment...

Hidemi comes in from my view. His hair was down than up...

He looks away, trying not make eye contact again. He hands me a cup and looks over to the table. "Take two pills, kay?" He pats my back and goes into the room and shuts the lights. The door closes and he turns back to me.

I sit down and open the pill bottle.

He watches me and sits across from me. Hidemi stares.

....I can't handle the intense mood...

"Wh-Wh-What is it?" I stuttered.

He shakes his head and leans on his knuckles to look away. "Why did you call me...?"

I stopped. "I...I did?"

Hidemi nods. "I kept getting messages from you and missed calls. Then you called me again and I answered, you were calling me to come get you."

I blushed. Wh-Wh-What?!?!?

I shook my head. "You're lying!"

Hidemi shook his head, "Nope."

It's burning hot. "I don't believe you!"

Hidemi chuckles. "You sure?" He takes out his phone and presses buttons.

Ding!

<Call from Kim Hyun Oh to Jinki Hidemi>

"Hello?"

"HIDEMI!!!"

"Gah--Hyun Oh?? I can't hear--"

"Waahahaha, can you pick--HIC--meh up, pleaseee--ahahaha ahh~"

"Are you on drugs??"

"Nu, nu nuh....I'm walkinggg....Oh--I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm passing through~"

"Hyun Oh, where the hell are you?"

"Uh...umm...downtown?????? Hehehahahahaa~"

"Oi! What the f---!!"

Beep beep!

I'm shaking.

Did....did I really do that?

I'm all red, head to toe. My hands are red, my ears and...I can't even look at him.

"Hmph." I hear him. He presses the button to turn off his phone.

He smirks, "You sound so drunk...how much did you drink?" He puts his phone on the table and stares at me. "Answer me."

"I-I-I don't know..."

"Really? Your friend, Ken...doesn't he take you out drinking?"

I quickly look up at him to defend but...he looked mad. "...I--He doesn't make me drink--"

"Then why were you drunk?" His voice is sharp.

I couldn't...answer.

Hidemi sighs. "This isn't even like you."

You're not even letting me finish!

"It was just a mistake! Ken made me drink because...because he wanted to know stuff...." I yelled.

I didn't know I stood up. Hidemi looks away, his eyes were downcast in anger.

We were quiet for a few seconds.

His chair moves back, he stands up and adjusts his glasses. "You shouldn't hang out with him if he's going to do things like that."

Ken didn't mean to do this anyway!!

"Why the fuck do you care?!" I shout. "Ken is my friend, he hasn't done anything to you!"

"It doesn't matter, he made you drink when you're just a kid." He points at me, standing over me...

I pushed him.

"What the fuck-"

"Shut up!!" I yelled.

His eyes froze. "Why are you cry--"

"Shut up!!" I yelled again. "Don't call me a kid!!"

He growls, "Calm down, damn! You shouldn't be pushing--"

"W-Well, you shouldn't believe me when I said I was busy!!" I cried out. "I wasn't busy!! I was taking my little brother out an-and-and, I wasn't busy!!"

.....wh...why....did I say that...?

Hidemi took a step back. "What are you talking about?"

"It-It's nothing!!" I tried to look for the exit.

"Kim Hyun Oh, look at me!" Hidemi tries to grab my arm. "Hyun Oh--"

"Don't touc-chh....--"

I looked up at him. He pushed me to the fridge door. Pinning me back...

"Calm. Down. Now." His voice is darker.

I stopped, I turned my head away. I sniffed. Hidemi exhales and glances at me. "Are...are you talking about...when I left for Tokyo....?"

I didn't answer.

He lets go of my wrist. Hidemi pulls back his hair and looks down. "Does it really matter if you said you were busy?"

What?

I looked back at him.

His eyes switch the locks on me. "It doesn't matter now...why...why are you crying over it?"

"I'm not!!"

"Then what is it?"

It's...it's-it's you!!

I kept looking down. I don't want to make eye contact with him...

"Answer me, Hyun Oh." His voice is stern.

...

"I....I..." I tried to speak. "I don't know..."

Hidemi groans, "You shouldn't be crying over those little things. Ugh...man, just go to bed in the guest room." He swipes his hand away and starts to head for another room.

No.

That's not it.

It's not it.

It's not what you think-!!

"Uwah!" Hidemi looks behind him. "Hyun Oh, why are you hugging-"

"Do you hate me?" I hide my face behind his back.

"What-?!"

"Do you hate me?!"

Silents...

"N...No...I don't." His voice calms down. It's soft...like it would be...

"I'm sorry..." I tried to say.

He heard it. He takes my hands and turns himself around to look at me. "Come on...why are you being like this..." His eyes were languid. Weak.

I want to tell you. But...it just seems it's too late to say so.

You lost interested in me.

I pulled myself away. I shook my head. "I'm sorry for all of this...." I bowed and quickly walked to the guest room. Closed door, I slide down and covered my face.

Fuck...I messed up.