We played cards for the next couple of hours with a group of guys and a couple girls. We laughed and the adult chaperones shushed us a few times if we yelled “bullshit” too loud. But all I wanted was to be alone with Derek.

We arrived at Kings Island, and I hoped we’d be alone then, but no, the entire Bullshit playing group decided to stick together. We got to the first roller coaster, and Brandon, the guy who suggested the game in the first place, stood next to Derek in line.

“Dude, this is gonna be boss,” he told Derek. I was getting pissed now. I was supposed to be Derek’s partner. Why didn’t he come stand next to me in line? On the first ride, Derek and Brandon rode as partners, and I rode with a girl named Jackie.

“What a rush!” she shrieked after the first ride. My gaze was in the distance. Derek and Brandon had already exited and were walking to the next ride. In a matter of hours, I had felt two of the most extreme emotions I had ever experienced. This second one was not enjoyable. There was a pressure behind my eyes and a boulder in my stomach. If I had possessed Jedi mind powers, the rest of this group would have been incapacitated a long time ago in my jealous rage.

Jackie and I caught up to Derek and Brandon at the next ride. “Hey,” Derek said to all three of us. “Should we switch up partners?”

“Sure, if you want,” Brandon said, disinterested, staring at the roller coaster.

“I’ll ride with you,” Jackie said to Derek.

Shit, I almost said out loud. But Derek looked at me, smiled knowingly, and said, “Alright, cool. And then I’ll ride with Nick on the next one.”

This ride could not get over soon enough. We waited in line for nearly thirty minutes, and it felt like a year had passed. No one talked. It was hot, we were soaking in our own sweat, and we were reminded of what amusement parks are really like during the summer: a bunch of people baking and sweltering under the sun waiting in line for hours to enjoy a sixty second thrill.

But the ride did come and go, and in line for the next one, Derek said, “I’ll ride with you this time, cool?”

“Cool.” I tried to keep my voice calm. Of course, this ride went much more quickly. I don’t think we waited more than a few minutes, and then there we were: seated, a tired employee double checking our safety belts, my forehead burning in the sun, and a fresh breeze blowing in our faces as the ride began. And then the next amazing thing of the day happened. The ride jerked hard as it climbed a long hill, and when it jerked, Derek jumped and grabbed my knee with his hand.

And he left it there.

We climbed and climbed an enormous ascension, and I never wanted it to stop. We reached the top and the ride curved before its sharp, steep descent down. I turned and beamed at Derek, and he smiled back. The ride dropped and we screamed. He squeezed my leg, and in a pure, impulsive moment of bravery, I grabbed the hand that rested on my knee. Seconds later, the ride was over. I squeezed his hand gently, not wanting to take it away. He turned his head, his lips curled up, and his eyes sparkled. He squeezed my hand back, and my heart slammed against my chest.

I could have cried. I don’t think I had ever felt such a wonderful emotion before.

People started getting off the ride. Slowly and regretfully, I pulled my hand away, but I didn’t want to get up. Jackie and Brandon were seated behind us. They stood, and as I turned to get out, I saw Brandon’s gaze was locked on us. He saw Derek’s hand on my leg. I couldn’t interpret his facial expression, but he wasn’t smiling. I felt sick to my stomach.

In the matter of seconds, fear replaced my love buzz. Why should I care what anyone else thinks? I shouted the question at my brain, but my legs and arms still shook as I got out of the ride.“I think we’ll let you guys have some time to yourself,” Brandon told us. Again, I couldn’t read his tone. Was he supportive or disapproving? And why did it matter what this stranger thought anyway?

“Whatever, man,” Derek said with such cool confidence. I looked at his broad shoulders and thick chest. Yeah, whatever, I wanted to say, too. Brandon was short and overweight. Derek looked like he hit the bench press every day. I was pretty thin and had never been in a fight, but one look at Derek and I felt pretty comfortable that we’d be okay if we were in trouble.

Brandon and Jackie left, and Derek looked at me, smiled, and asked, “So what next?”

“We have to try that fastest wooden roller coaster!”

“Absolutely. Let’s do it.”

We rode coaster after coaster that day. Some rides we just hollered and giggled. On one or two, I’d reach out to him. On one or two, he’d reach out to me. We didn’t talk about it. We didn’t try to explain it. I didn’t even know his last name or what school he went to or where he lived. I was living in the moment and felt absolutely perfect.

And no steep drop on a ride could compare to the wonderful feeling I had inside when Derek held my hand. It was pure magic.

When the sun went down, we took a break to play some carnival games. The smell of fried food and sounds of bells called to us. “Should we play something?”

“Yeah. And then I think we need a funnel cake,” I told him.

He looked around at the variety of games and chose basketball. All he had to do was make one basket, and he’d win any choice of stuffed animals.

“You know the rims are smaller here?” I asked.

“I’ll take my chances,” he said, holding on to the ball. Bending his knees into a slight squat, he threw the ball high in a beautiful arch.

“Yeah!” I cheered as the ball swished through the net.

“I’ll take that one,” he told the attendant, pointing at a stuffed lion. He then handed it over to me and said, “For you.”

“Thanks.” All the dentists and all their drills in the world couldn’t remove the smile from my face.

I wanted to tell him how much I liked him. I know it had only been hours, but I had never felt like this around another human being before. He made me feel . . . fully alive.

“You’re really cool, Derek.” I kicked at the concrete under my feet. Stupid, Nick. Stupid. You can do better than that.

But Derek reached out to me and grabbed my hand, not even once glancing over his shoulder to see who was watching. My stomach dropped and tingles erupted in every inch of my arms at his touch. “You’re really cool, too,” he told me and smiled.

He let go of my hand and gently punched me in the shoulder. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to kiss him. But I didn’t know how to act. We were surrounded by who knows how many people. Derek didn’t seem to care, but I didn’t know what to do.

We played a couple more games, and then sadly it was time to go. The fundraising company paid for a hotel stay for the group so we didn’t have to drive home late at night. Unfortunately, the adult chaperones had already arranged who was staying with whom. We each were stuck in a room with four people, and Derek and I were not assigned the same one.

After we checked in, I showered and got ready for bed. My brain was buzzing, and I could even still smell the funnel cakes and elephant ears. Like salt from an ocean swim, it lingered in my senses. I was rooming with Brandon and two other guys from the trip I didn’t know, and I was eager to get to bed so I could see Derek again in the morning. It may be hard to sleep, but all I wanted in that moment was to fast forward time until I got to sit next to him for the long ride home. But right when I went to bed, there was a knock on the door.

Brandon opened it. Derek stood outside in the hall. “Hey,” he said. “Can I stay with you guys?”

“This room is already full,” one of the other boys yelled.

I sat up. Of course he could stay! But before I found the will to speak up, Brandon told Derek, “Go back to your own room, faggot.” And he slammed the door shut. He looked at me, as if testing me. I was frightened. I was mad. I didn’t know what to say or do. It was late at night. Suddenly, I was shaking. My mouth and body felt paralyzed. My lips parted, but I couldn’t find any words to speak. Brandon stared at me, like a wolf trying to control a pack. A million thoughts swirled in my mind. I should leave the room and go to Derek if nothing else, but Brandon turned the lights off and I sat up in bed staring at the wall.

I could just talk to Derek in the morning, right? It was late after all. He’d understand, right? I rolled over and tried to fall asleep, dreaming of the ups and downs of the day, like riding the coasters all over again. But this time fear kept me from doing what I most wanted to do.