I woke under the stars, in a pile of wolf fur, surrounded by the oddly soothing combination of musty wolf and rose perfume. Warm bodies pressed close to mine, their weight a comfort. I sighed and snuggled closer.

“Destiny?” That was Fionnuala’s voice, stabbing through my skull.

“Mmh? Fin? Five more minutes… head hurts…”

“He’s awake!” she declared cheerfully.

Next thing I knew there were arms around me– more than one set– and Vida’s face buried in my shoulder as she hugged me fiercely. Something tipped sideways in the fog that was my brain and separated into a cloud before I could figure out what it was.

“I don’t understand,” I said, trying to focus. My head pounded, which didn’t help at all to clear my blurred vision. “What’s going on?”

“You’ve been asleep for an entire day.” Vida pulled back, her eyes shining with tears despite her smile. 

“A day?” My voice pitched higher. I lost a whole day? “What happened?”

“It was amazing!” One of the pairs of arms around me vanished and Pryderi appeared in front of me, wolf ears tall with excitement. “One minute there was that demon who wanted to… And then Vida came and thralled him outside and then BOOM! The stables were on fire! Ma had to come and get you and Vida before anyone else saw you."

"There was a bird with you," Seren noted, calm as ever. "We grabbed it too."

A bolt of fear lanced through the fog. Nayan!

There was a worryingly long silence, then, I'm okay. Feel like I've flown through a tornado, but I'm okay. The voice was quiet, but sharper than my own thoughts felt.

Oh, thank the Light. My shoulders sagged in relief, and then another thought made its way through my mind. "And… the Lightguard?"

"Dead," said Seren, chillingly calm.

"Serves him right,” Pryderi added, “for trying to hurt my sisters.”

"D—" My voice dropped out of my throat.

Blythe's voice came from somewhere behind me, gently scolding. "It wasn't you, Destiny. You didn't do anything except protect Vida and yourself. Don't scare him like that, Seren."

"They," I said, the cloudy idea finally coalescing into a coherent thought just as I realized my bindings were gone. I blinked and pulled my knees to my chest, feeling strangely vulnerable without them. "Uh."

"Don't scare them like that," Blythe said, in exactly the same tone. "How are you feeling, Destiny?"

I rubbed my eyes. "Um… Not good. What… happened?"

By the time I got my eyes open again, Vida and Fionnuala were to either side of me, leaning against me in support. Everyone else sat on the grass, no one looking at me except Blythe.

"Why don't you start, Vida?" she suggested, except it wasn't really a question.

Vida took in a slow breath. "I, ah. It was your magic, Destiny."

Panic shot through my body. They all knew now. I wasn't ready for that.

Fin's hand rubbed a circle on my back. "Breathe, Des."

"Not helpful," said Blythe. "Well. While the two of you were gone, we got a visit from a rather unpleasant Lightguard. Apparently he heard Fionnuala singing and set his eye on her."

Fin shuddered, her hand twitching on my back.

"Seren was arguing with him when you came back, and Vida enthralled him. Quick thinking with the glamour, by the way, Vida."

"Didn't want anyone realizing you had anything to do with it." Vida shook her head. "I didn't even know what I was going to do, but I didn't want you associated with it."

"And we appreciate it." Blythe shifted, tucking her feet underneath her. "Vida filled us in on what happened in the stable after we got you back here— and a few other things."

"I was going to tell you," I blurted. "Tonight— I mean last night— whichever night. When we came back. About my—" I couldn't even say the word.

"I know." Blythe held my gaze, unflinching, as she told me, "The important part is, when someone yelled that the stable was up in flames, Seren and I ran out to find you and Vida. It turned out to be an exaggeration, all that caught fire was a bit of hay. The Lightguard was lightly burned, but mostly unhurt and intent on getting past the flames to you and Vida. Apparently you set the hay on fire after he hit the crow and then you only just managed to get to and grab them before passing out. Vida was trying to think of a way out past the hay and the angry Lightguard when we got there. Seren went straight through it for you three, and I took care of the demon. Last thing he managed to do was ice over the flames. No one else was hurt."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vida look away. Blythe hadn't broken eye contact once.

"That means…" I looked down at my hands. They looked normal. The bright white opal bead still shone on my left wrist, a normal temperature now. "You killed a Lightguard. That's… that's treason."

Blythe's lips drew back, showing teeth in something that was decidedly not a smile. "And I'd do it again."

"But they're…"

"I know." Softer, she said, "You're one of us, Destiny. Anything for family."

"Besides…" Seren added. "It's time we told you."

"Told me… what?"

"Right now?" Vida protested. "He's all… They just woke up."

"What are you telling me?"

Seren scooted closer, still cross-legged. "Have you heard of the Darkness?"

"Ye-es." I had a sinking feeling that I wouldn't like what came next. "They're, uh. Traitors. They don't believe in the Emperor's divinity even though there's proof, and they want to destroy everything that he built. They hate Illustria and they…"

Dream was shaking his head.

"Some of that is true," Seren said.

"Some," I repeated.

She held up both hands, palms up, and moved them like she was weighing something between them. "We don't believe he's a god, that's true. And by his standards, we are traitors. Everything else? No."

I scooted back, right into Vida's arms. They weren't as comforting as they were only moments ago. "You're…"

"I told you when we first met, love. We're shadows."

"But—" I started. I stopped. I didn't know what to think. They were my home now. I'd slept piled up with people who believed what I'd been taught was heresy.

Wasn't I… well, traitorous was the only word I could think of. I'd practiced magic without a license, and whether I was a girl in love with a girl, or a boy who'd been born a girl… or, maybe, neither… what I wasn't was the good daughter I was supposed to be.

Maybe I was a shadow too.

I gathered my whirling thoughts together. "What do you want? The Darkness, I mean."

Seren and Blythe exchanged a look.

“Equality,” Blythe said. She ran a hand over her hair, her ears. “Many of us are shifters. We don't want to have to hide that anywhere.”

"Or who we love," Vida added. For the first time, I noticed Fiachra and Dream holding hands. "Enough of the Darkness members are like us that it matters. It could have been better, Des, he decided we couldn't so much as hold hands in public. The Darkness wants to change things like he didn't."

“Or who we are,” Seren said with an odd look on her face. “Women born as boys, girls who grow into men.”

"Beliefs, too." Blythe looked past me at Vida. "You know there were multiple religions before he came to power? Maybe hundreds, most lost to time. Different cultures, languages."

Like my name, Nayan mused. You said it's old.

It is. Where are you?

Here. And, as if I'd summoned them, Nayan swooped in to land on my lap. I folded my hands over them and felt their tiny heartbeat beneath my fingers.

Old. Old names, old words.

"But things are better now." I willed my voice not to shake. "The Emperor keeps us safe."

"From what?" Seren said, gently. Not a question. "If all the world is his, what's he protecting anyone from?"

I blinked, and her face flashed behind my eyelids. "I— I don't know."

Dream spoke for the first time. "A god without worshippers is like a storyteller with no one listening."

"I think he's— they're a little overwhelmed," Fin put in. "Des, want to take a walk?"

Yes. Light, yes, I needed to get away from this and clear my head. I nodded, and Fin and Vida helped me up. Nayan flew up, only to settle on my shoulder once I was upright. My legs felt unsteady, but I needed them to work.

"It's a bit much to take in all at once," Fin said in an undertone, linking her arm with mine. "Lean on me if you need to. How are you feeling about… everything?"

My stomach did a flip. "Fin, we're friends, right?"

"Of course. Family."

"What can you tell me about the Darkness?"

Fin smothered a laugh. "First, I've gotta tell you, I used to think it was amazingly unfair that I wasn't allowed to actually join until I turned sixteen. But now 'Deri's nearly there and I get it, he’s too little. Second—"

"Wait, you can't join until sixteen?"

She nodded. "It has to be a choice. It's a big deal, you know? Even if you're raised with it like I was, you still have to be able to understand what it means. Before that, if anything happens at least your parents can say it wasn't your choice." She bumped her shoulder into mine. "And Des? Join or don't, we'll all love you just the same."

"Are all of you…?"

"Nah. 'Deri and Bloom aren't old enough, and Dream said he won't until Bloom can too, they'll make that decision together when she's sixteen."

"But Vida and you and Fia…?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Um…" Fin looked up at the sky, then back at me. "It's home, you know? It's what Fia and I grew up with, up until we left to travel. Our parents made sure we knew the risks of joining, told us they'd love us no matter what and they'd understand if we made the safer choice. But I don't think either of us would have been happy if we had."

"Yeah," I said softly, though it was sort of the opposite for me. "So… It's not a big deal, if I can't decide yet?"

"We-ell… We were talking, while you were asleep, and…" Fin reached a hand up, tugging at the hair on the back of her neck. "Ma didn't want to tell you yet, but you deserve to know, Des."

"What? Fin…"

"Your magic," she said, all in a rush. "Ma said Lightguards take away everyone who has it. Kills them. We were talking over options last night, and Ma thinks we should take you back home so you can be safer but Mum said we should wait until you choose and just keep it secret for now."

"What do you think?"

Fin shrugged, a quick twitch of a gesture. "I think this is new to you, and you should take some time before you decide. If you don't join, you have to promise you'll keep this secret, and if you do it's just, a big commitment. It's like a bigger pack: you don't always have to agree, but you do have to stay loyal."

More flock? Nayan cawed aloud from up ahead.

Maybe. I kicked at a stone. It's complicated.

Why?

It's so… different from everything I learned. All of it. Light, dark— but I trust the pack, so I don't know what to believe now.

Tk. We can figure it out. Together.

I raised my arm so they could land on it, which made Fin give me a funny look in the seconds before Nayan actually appeared. Yeah. Together.