Blue hasn’t left his room in a week.

I don’t get it. He was clinging to me the entire time in the hospital and throughout the days leading up to the report, but now he won’t let me in his room. I check on him hourly to make sure he’s okay, he says he is. I drop food off outside his door and he takes it in and leaves an empty tray in return.

After the first day I had thought ‘okay, he’s probably processing everything. It was a difficult thing to do.’ But now I’m worried I’ve upset him somehow.

“Bri, I don’t know what to do I’m worried,” I gnawed on my thumb as I paced my office. “He didn’t even bring any of his belongings and that room is completely empty. He has to be bored out of his mind. People go crazy like that.”

“Okay… I mean, if he isn’t just adjusting maybe he’s self isolating,” Bri said through the phone.

“Self isolating?”

“Yeah like locking himself in his room. It could be for multiple reason, you know. You said he went through something traumatic so maybe he feels embarrassed, not understood, helpless, self-doubt, unwilling to talk about it.” Bri listed robotically.

“You sound your psychology textbooks.” West joked lightly and he could just see Bri rolling her eyes.

“Regardless, there’s a lot of reasons and self isolation is definitely unhealthy especially if he has nothing to do and is just simply existing there. He isn’t being stimulated, and as a siren, who are usually playful, clingy, and outgoing creatures, it’s highly abnormal behavior.”

“What should I do?”

“You could try to talk to him. If he doesn’t want to talk about himself maybe try talking about you? Build trust. Have you told him you’re an actor?”

“No… I think he knows though. This house is filled with all the shit I stole from sets, posters, movies, awards. It’s pretty obvious, no?”

“Maybe. It may build trust to actually tell him though, You could also give him activities to do. Like a puzzle, drawing, maybe watch one of your movies or go for a walk. Just something to get his brain stimulated.”

“I feel like I’ve adopted a puppy.”

“Regrets?” Briana asked and I could hear the teasing in her tone.

“No. I’ve grown to really care about him. He doesn’t deserve the cards he was dealt in life.” I answered.

Suddenly my phone started ringing, Jane’s name popped up on the screen.

“I’ve gotta go, Bri. Jane’s calling. Thank you so much and good luck with the show tonight.”

“Of course, Wes. Good luck with your little mer-friend.”

I hung up on Bri and answered Jane’s call.

“West Klein! I can’t keep holding them off and making excuses. Your vacation is over. You have an interview the day after tomorrow at 9:00am for the new movie and immediately after is a photoshoot for a fashion magazine. The next day you’ve also scheduled that talk show and I sent you some scripts they should be on your desk, pick what movie you want to do next. Might I recommend the one in Miami? I could use a tan and a very large piña colada while I dig my feet into the sands of South Beach.”

“Hi Jane. Nice speaking with you too.”

“West… you’re an actor. You can’t take month long vacations for a cute girl.”

“Boy. And it isn’t like that. He’s a friend of mine and he’s going through some pretty rough stuff. Plus I’m not just here eating shit. I’ve been taking surfing lessons for High Tide! The Hawaii movie that you’ve been mentioning since last month!”

Jane sighed in defeat. “You made a friend? West you don't even trust your mail man to know your name."

I rolled my eyes, "yeah, well he's different." Sure, my trust issues are a problem sometimes but it's one of the many things that come with being famous. Right next to having no real friends besides Bri who I grew up with.

I heard Janes audibly sigh, "just be careful with the press, West. You’re openly pansexual and those vultures will latch onto that fact if they spot you with some new guy. You know what happened last time. No more scandals.”

“I understand, Jane. I’ll be there tomorrow could you tell Larry to pick me up?”

“Already did.”

I hung up the phone and leaned back in my desk with a tired sigh. With all that over with, my worries for Blue came flooding back. Jane's right, it's unusual for me to be this attached to someone I'm not also, well, fucking. But through the time I've gotten to spend with Blue I've realized how much of a genuine person he is. Hell, he was concerned about paying me rent. It's the first time I've gotten close to someone after becoming famous that the gnawing feeling of being used isn't present.

He's given me the gift of genuine friendship for the first time in my career. The least I can do is support him through what he's going through right now.

🌊🌊🌊

I took a deep breathe before knocking lightly on the door, “hey there, Blue. Can we talk for a minute?”

I heard some shuffling behind the door. Then silence. Then more shuffling. Then the door slowly cracked open revealing a very tired looking Blue. His hair was greasy and his braid was loose with some strands falling out of it, he had dark bags under his eyes and he just looked overall really…sad.

This was definitely a problem.

My stomach twisted at the thought of leaving him alone for the few days I had to work. I can't do it.

Shoving my concerns aside I spoke up, “can I come in or would you like to talk out here?”

Blue stepped out and shut the door behind him, sitting on the floor in front of his door and motioning for me to sit in front of him.

Guess this works.

I took a seat and cleared my throat, “I know this was a big change and a lot happened. It’s totally okay for you to take your time to process everything but... I’m just worried about you." My voice came out pleadingly, "you’ve been locked away in your room all day and I was just wondering if you’re okay? And if there’s anything I can do for you?”

Blue stared at me, emotionlessly, not saying anything for a beat or two.

“Don’t you want something from me?” He asked. His tired eyes looking up at me but they still seemed unfocused.

Has he been sleeping at all?

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I live in your house, I'm eating your food, you drive me around and you’re doing so much for me... you must need something in return. I’ll do anything, I promise. You’ve been nice. I don’t have money to give but… Reid sold me for $250 per person. I’ll let you do it. I can pay you back like that. Or if you wanted to get off-“

My eyes widened, his words weaving pain into my heart. I quickly shut down his thoughts, “Blue, listen to me.” I spoke very seriously, “don’t ever offer yourself up like that to me or anyone else ever again, do you understand me?”

Blue nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. Guilt and panic were written all over his face. I wrung his hands together and looked down in shame. I felt bad for my harsh tone but it needed to be said in a way that left no doubts.

I felt sick at the thought of anyone else finding him on that beach.

I took a deep breathe to calm myself before I continued in a much softer voice, “I’m not asking for anything in return. I’m helping you because I care and we’re friends. But if it really bothers you then I could use some help keeping the house clean. It’s a hassle sometimes and I hate doing it.”

This was a lie. I had someone come in and clean every two weeks but it was a harmless job for him to do. I didn’t want him to worry about a nonexistent debt piling up or whatever he thought was happening here.

Blue’s eyes brightened, “yes I can do that. I’m very good at cleaning.”

I smiled at him and gave a dramatic sigh of relief, “gosh thank you. That takes a huge responsibility off my shoulders.” I'd say I deserve an Oscar, but I already have two.

Blue beamed at me with a renewed sense of determination.

Was I an awful person for lying if it made him smile that brightly?

I watched as his quick burst of energy fizzled out into the same deep tiredness I noticed the second he opened the door.

“Have you been sleeping alright? Did the nightmares come back?” I asked worried.

I watched as he guiltily averted his eyes and bit his lip. Before he gave me a quick subtle nod. “I’m scared of sleeping.” He looked down at his hands as he picked at the skin near his nail.

He’s scared of sleeping. Has he been sleeping at all these past few nights? No wonder he looks so sickly he’s probably exhausted. Shit if only I had talked to him sooner.

“Would you like to sleep with me? Like how we did for your first few nights here?”

Blue’s cheeks flushed and he nodded, but also shrugged his shoulders, “you started looking really tired so I-.” He peeked his eyes up at me.

I smiled at him, “I don’t mind. Honestly. My job requires me to have very little sleep and you actually help me sleep better. Would you like to take a nap now?”

He seemed to consider it before nodding.

“Your room or my room?”

Blue bit his lip, looking back at his door, “um...yours.”

“Alrighty.”

I lead him to my room and held the door open for him.

“Can you leave it open?” He asked.

“Of course.”

“And lay down first,” he started to ring his hands nervously, “sorry.“

“No worries,” I lied down, getting comfortable under the blanket and positioning a pillow out for him if he decided to put it between us.

He slowly made his way over to the other side of the bed, sheepishly scooting in under the blankets. He hesitantly pushed the pillow away, getting really close to me. So, close I could feel his breathe on my neck but no parts of our bodies touched.

As soon as he settled, he closed his eyes and his breathing evened out. Soft snores sounded from him.

Shocked by the closeness, I didn’t dare move a muscle until I was sure he was asleep. Usually I wouldn’t move to touch him anywhere in case it triggers something but that one night in the hospital I had tiredly acted on instinct and ran my fingers across the top of his head, lightly scratching every once in a while and he ended up purring like a cat so I assume he likes it.

I ran my hand through his hair now and he immediately started emitting a low purr and scooted closer to me, his arms now pressed to my chest.

I chuckled.

I hope this reaches him in his dreams.

🌊🌊🌊

I woke up from a dreamless sleep. The first one since the last time Reid hurt me. It felt nice waking up naturally without being drenched in sweat and in the middle of a panic attack.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was West’s sleeping face. He looked a lot younger when he was fully relaxed. Like a baby. His hand rested on the back of my head, weaved through my long hair, as the rest of his body curved around me like a shield of sorts.

I felt safe here.

I turned my head to look out the window. The sun had just risen. I must have slept the rest of the day and through the night. No wonder I feel so well rested, that should be around 18 hours of sleep.

I hadn’t really slept since being here. I was afraid of waking up from a nightmare alone but also too scared to ask West for help. But now that I’m here I never want to sleep in that guest room again.

I don’t like being alone anymore. Sirens are naturally supposed to be surrounded by family and friends. They’re always in a pod, it’s more comforting that way. Feels more safe. So, being alone all these years goes against my entire being. Now that I’ve had a taste of comfort, I don’t want to let it go.

West stirred next to me. I watched as he sleepily stretched and rubbed his eyes, slowly blinking them open until they focused on me.

“Mm morning,” he mumbled, turning over on his back and yawning, “how’d you sleep, Blue?”

I hummed.

“You hungry? Want to have some breakfast?”

I shook my head, no.

“You need to eat, bud. Come on, I’m sure once you smell the food you’ll start getting hungry,” West sat up, sliding on his slippers as he pushed off the bed and waited for me at the door.

I followed him down to the kitchen and sat at the table while he rummaged through the cupboards.

The truth was I couldn’t really hold in the food. I’d eat what West would bring me but after I’d feel bloated and fat which made me feel nauseous to think about. I ended up throwing most of it up after.

I didn’t want him to see me like that.

I nibbled on the skin of my thumb getting lost in the sound of dishes clanging and water running until their was a plate of food sat in front of me.

Two scrambled eggs 182, white toast with butter 167, raspberries 64, and orange juice 112. 520 something calories? And probably around $15.

Plus whatever he plans to feed me for lunch and dinner.

That’s a lot.

“Blue?”

I snap my eyes up to meet West, who’s looking at me concerned, “you okay?”

I nodded, piercing a few eggs with my fork and eating them.

After a few bites I started hearing him, like always.

“You’re beautiful, Sammy.”

“So pretty, almost like a woman.”

“You have wide hips, Sammy. They’re beautiful.”

“Such a flat stomach.”

“Pretty.”

“Beautiful.”

“Lovely.”

“Just like a woman.”

I dropped my fork on my plate with a loud clang, getting West’s attention.

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“No worries.”

“I’m full.”

“Huh? But you haven’t even-“

“Please, excuse me,” I stood up from the table, turning my back on my nearly full plate of food and West. I was too focused on getting to my bathroom to feel bad.

I don’t remember the walk upstairs, down the hall, through my room.

I’ve just found myself hunched over the toilet, vomiting the little bit of food I had ate.

Thin and small and pretty like a woman. I won’t have to sing.

Panting from the energy it took to empty my stomach, I rested against the coolness of the porcelain bathtub next to me.

I stood up after a minute to wash out my mouth and caught my reflection in the mirror.

I was a mess. I hardly looked like myself. Normally I keep my appearance looking nice. I mean, my entire life was based off of how I looked. I didn’t have any makeup, I was wearing clothes that covered most of me, my hair hasn’t been washed or brushed in a week. For the first time in years I look completely unkept and I don’t even care anymore.

I will always be tainted and dirty. My appearance just reflects that now.

I dragged myself out of the bathroom and back into the bare guest room, flopping down on the bed and trying to fall asleep but I couldn’t. I was tired but the fear won over the urge to sleep. So, I lied there wishing I could go back to this morning.

I curled up and wrapped my arms around myself feeling cold suddenly. My eyes watered and I hugged myself tighter.

I want West.

I know he’s right downstairs. I know that if I asked he’d probably lay down next to me. But I just walked away from him after he took the time to cook me a really nice breakfast and I didn’t even eat it or say thank you.

I’m truly pathetic.