“Messes can be massive headaches." Mara began. "My father always said, ‘glorious messes are imagination’s truest allies’. The messier the mess, the better the reward, he'd say. Mostly, he'd be referring to my paintings or our messy garden. More recently, he’s been using it as an excuse to my mother after the mess he makes in the kitchen, washing his tools.”

“Your father and messy don't really go so well in my head. I’ve seen your family's garden and your paintings. There’s nothing messy about them. They’re beautiful. And aren’t you super famous now?”

Mara chuckled. “Far from famous, but I get by. That’s the point, though. My paintings weren’t always beautiful; our garden wasn’t always so wonderful. We worked on it. You can work on messes; or work through them. We can even fix some; improve them. I always thought that the hardest bit was figuring out whether or not they’re worth the hard work. I’ve settled that if a mess is such a headache that you can’t let go, it must be worth that effort. At least, something with more meaning can come out of it. Once you decide on that, I think you can pretty much fix any messes.”

Miina’s eyes drifted to Mara’s chest, as they did whenever she peered into her soul. Mara had never been able to see how it looked like to Miina, but like night lights pacifying a small child, it seemed to soothe here. When she looked away again, Miina’s lips curled into that soft smile of hers. “You’re so…” Miina bit her lower lip. “How you kept your mind sound after all you’ve been through here is still beyond me. How you still deal with all these demons is… incredible. You’re incredible, Mara.”

“I-I suppose being a rare soul has something to do with it!” Mara chuckled, while she contended with the tingling heat rising from her neck to her cheeks. “I’m also no one’s captain, so my responsibilities are quite different.”

Miina chuckled softly, but Mara saw her friend’s mind clouding again. It was time she opened up. Mara gave another gentle squeeze.

“I don’t know if I have any way to fix my mess, or whether it’s even fixable. I have no idea what I’ve been doing, but I kept on doing it. I think I’ve been misleading him…”

Mara cocked her head. “Misleading?” 

“We kind of… I kissed him… Leviathan.” Miina kept her eyes downcast, her thumbs interlaced with Mara’s. She refused any notion of eye contact. It seemed this was the only way to get it out. But she finally said it.

“I’ve been kissing him. A lot. And for a while. I-I’m sorry I never told you. I just find it hard to believe myself.” 

“Miina, no; please don’t be sorry—”

“I feel like I need to be. You’re the only one I could think of sharing this kind of thing. And before you ask, I had no idea why I did it, or why I kept going back. At the Kumani, the girls were always going on about boys and kissing, and doing… other things.”

Mara felt her friend’s hand tremble slightly at the mention of the last, but maybe now was not the time to interrupt, asking for details. She hadn’t seen Miina this shaken since that time when they thought Leviathan was out hunting her.

“Sagiri-oneechan was the most experienced of us. She went on about how easy it was to fool pervy guys. She was right. She made it look so easy! But Sagiri-oneechan was older, more experienced, and smarter than all of us combined.” Miina clenched her jaw. “Her miserable parents sold her off to the first brothel they found before her tenth birthday. She had to fend for herself using her mind and body for most of her life. And if you asked her, she would always smile and say she was better off.

“It was different for me. I knew how to work my fists and knives. Maybe the only good thing my father passed on to me. I could rely on myself to keep safe, not having to rely on body games to seduce anyone. Here, everything’s different; my skills will never be enough. Leviathan fit the pervy bill, so I took a gamble. It wasn’t something I planned ahead, and I can’t even remember why I thought of doing it.”

Mara squeezed her hand again, and let Miina continue. By now, Mara’s only hope was for this deluge of realisation not overwhelm Miina more than she already seemed.

“In Hell, I truly lost myself. I was someone else. Then, I got myself back. I got everything back, including the nightmares. And then Leviathan comes along... his bed. His smell. The way he looks at me. He overwrites everything! I don’t — I don’t know what I was thinking!”

Mara covering her mouth with one hand caught Miina’s eye. “Oh! No, no no! I just slept in his bed! Not together. Not with him there. Nothing happened!”

But Mara’s wide grin couldn’t fit under her hand, and Miina flinched. “Oh, you’re baby hamster…”

“Baby…”

Miina waved her head. “Is it even surprising how much you take after your mother...”

It was Mara’s turn to flinch, with an icy shiver that ran the length of her spine.

“Believe me. Nothing aside from some kissing ever happened; I never let it get that far. For a while, it was even alright. I mean, it was never going to go anywhere. I’ll admit… it felt good. I’m finding out a lot about myself I never knew. Lately, he’s… been acting strange.”

“Strange, how?”

“I don’t know. He’s just… slowing down. He’s preferring to take his time. The way he looks at me… I don’t know; it’s just changed.”

With an intent glance that scrutinised Mara’s silence, Miina finally faced her. “You knew, didn’t you?”

Mara waved her hands in a placating gesture, “n-no, I had no idea!” Unable to repress her glee. To her dismay, Miina was right. She was like her mother. She wondered if her mother felt this euphoric all those times she was sure she had found Mara the perfect match. The image of her cackling alongside her mother while they compared notes sent another shiver that perished the thought. “Not to this extent. I suspected. I hoped, more than anything.”

“You hoped?”

To Miina’s deeper tone in her mind and slight raise of her chest, Mara paused. Just as Miina had been holding back, Mara thought it best to withhold her conversations with Leviathan. “That night of the engagement, he not only apologised for attacking me at the banquet; he also made me understand his interest in you. I wasn’t supposed to intervene or share it with you. Not unless you reached out to me first. That was one of the conditions we agreed on.”

The crease on Miina’s brow was back. “So you’ve known since then? You’ve been talking about me… since then?”

Mara bit the inside of her lower lip when Miina pulled her hand away. From Miina’s perspective, of course this looked bad. “It wasn’t like that. I’ve been helping him expand his understanding of souls. And I believe a lot of it had to do with you. He wanted to know about things you liked, or didn’t like, or how to make you smile. Miina, he’s just been trying to get to know you better. I felt like his intentions were genuine.”

Miina narrowed her eyes away. Mara was no stranger to silence, but this one was cutting her breaths too short. “Miina, I’m so sorry! I-I… it wasn’t any kind of scheming. For the most part, I just listened to him. I wanted to talk to you about it… it just seemed like you weren’t ready. H-he never even mentioned you kissed!” Mara quickly added, “or that there was any kissing. He never said you two were meeting in secret.”

“It’s alright, I’m not angry or blaming you,” Miina said, though to Mara’s anguish, her friend still kept her eyes away. “It’s Leviathan. You can’t trust anything he tells you. It only leads back to his fetishes and stupid plays. He’s working his way to get to me, and I’m the idiot falling for it.”

“What?” Mara blinked too fast, as if it could bring back a turn they missed somewhere.

“You didn’t see what he used to do to souls before he became king. He had rooms for special plays. He’s all about the thrill of the act. It’s all he cares about. With me, he’s puzzled because I’d never let it get to that stage. So he’s using you to find his way through. Yeah, I started our kisses, but there was never any doubt in my mind that he was using me. So I’ve used him back; We were using each other. Whatever he’s doing now, he’s just trying to get me to-to keep falling for whatever he’s planning.”

Miina’s wide eyes were fixed on the floor, as though her own words needed to seal her thoughts. It occurred to Mara then that perhaps Miina was just as lost and confused as Leviathan; strangely, in different ways. Mara reached again for Miina’s tense fist she’d been clutching. “That wasn’t at all what I saw from the king. On many occasions, you told me yourself how much he’s changed—”

“That was different. I was talking about his ability to rule.”

Mara paused. Saying it aloud would only make it worse. Denial this strong couldn’t be reasoned with just words. But maybe, there was just one last thing to point out. “I’m sorry, Miina. I don’t think you believe any of what you’re saying; not truly.” As expected, Miina’s wide eyes met hers. “Otherwise, why would you be so hard on yourself for this mess?”