At High school
Cheesy and Creamsweet are walking in the hallway, fake holding hands……
Creamsweet: Cheesy, are you sure this is a good idea?
Cheesy: Of course, Marla must be jealous!
Creamsweet: Just confess your feelings, don’t act like a baby!
Cheesy: I’m not a ‘’baby’’!
He starts sucking his thumb……
Cheesy: I often do that when I’m nervous……..I’m not a ‘’baby!’’
Everyone is looking at them, surprised why they are dating…..
Creamsweet: Che-
Cheesy: Forget about them…..
They go to Marla…
Marla: Oh, hey Cheesy, how are you?
Cheesy: I’m very, very, fine, and in love!
Marla: With who?
Cheesy: My girlfriend Creamsweet over here!
Marla: Oh…..okay….
Creamsweet: I’m not your-
Cheesy: *puts his thumb on her mouth* Yes….Yes….very nice….she is sweet and nice…..
Marla: Wow….your so lucky to have a valentine..
Creamsweet: *removes the thumb* I thought you popular girls are supposed to be mean and stubborn, and reckless…
Marla: *laughs* Oh, no, for the sake of peer pressure? But yeah, many people ask this question….
Cheesy: *whispering to creamsweet* Act um, in love!
Creamsweet: No.
Cheesy forcefully wraps his arms around her….
Creamsweet is chocked…
Cheesy: Move out the way Marla, we are making love!
Marla: Aww….
Creamsweet is squeezed, and trying to get out…..
Marla: What a sweet relationship…
Cheesy: Yes…..Yes….Very
Marla goes, and Creamsweet faints on the floor…
Cheesy: *gets a stick and touches her with it* I’m not doing that gay CPR thing…..
With Fireslayer….
Fireslayer and his girlfriend are continuing their sex in the car…..
Fireslayer: Ah, yes, MORE….MORE~
Girlfriend: AH SQUEEZE ME!
The Girlfriend forcefully kisses him, and squeezes his…..part…
Fireslayer: Woah, babe, what are you doing?
Girlfriend: Love…
Fireslayer: It’s hurting! I’m not a slave!
Girlfriend: Sorry…I got over-the-top there……
Fireslayer: Yeah, you did! Now get out babe!
Girlfriend; But FI-
Fireslayer: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CAR!
She sadly comes out….
Girlfriend: Sorry FI-
Fireslayer drives the car fast….
He then arrives next to bar……and gets beer, and starts peeing on the floor….
Fireslayer: I want more shots…..
With Mr. Corn Flakes Boy…
Mr. Corn Flakes Boy: Your tricking me right?! Your alive!
Corn Flakes: Of course, let’s spend the valentines together!
Mr. Corn Flakes Boy: Bu-Bu-Bu-, my valentines resolution was to eat you!
Corn Flakes: First of all, do you have an idea what valentines is?
Mr. Corn Flakes Boy: Oh, yes! It’s when you fail to touch the Kellogg’s chicken’s ass!
*SILENCE*
*MORE SILENCE*
Corn Flakes : Are you okay?
Mr. Corn Flakes Boy: No.
Corn Flakes: Why?
Mr. Corn Flakes Boy: Your alive…..
*SILENCE*
Mr. Corn Flakes Boy then runs fast to get a broom, and swings it to the corn flakes….
Mr. Corn Flakes Boy: With Great valentine-ruining comes great-eating!
At the Hospital with Tiffany….
Tiffany: Doctor, what do I do?! I’m a boy!
Doctor: I don’t know…your voice is different than the way it sounded….
Tiffany: Oh please, change this thing!
Doctor: I can’t….you have to embrace it….
Tiffany: So this is Turning Red now?
Doctor: I watched that movie…….it’s about a Chinese girl turning into a red panda, and has friends….and yes, same 4 town song as well…
Tiffany: Yeah….it’s a great one….
Doctor: Not for me….it’s about puberty….
Tiffany: I hate puberty..it’s just falling in love with boys and pimples and peer pressure!
Doctor: You watched Encanto?
Tiffany: Yeah, about Mirabel and the song for Bruno right?
Doctor: Yeah….and you have watched Mufasa?
Tiffany: Are talking about Disney movies or about my boy gender problem?!
Doctor: I went to IMAX last week, 3D glasses watching Mufasa…..and jeez it’s on Numetro….
Tiffany: I pirate movies from the pirate bay…..
Doctor: Seriously what the hell is that?
Tiffany: Also Family Guy
Doctor: The hell’s Family Guy?!
Tiffany: You’re a Disney fan….
With Cheeseburger….
The house is full of food and beer and drinks…
Cheeseburger is now obese….
Cheeseburger: Tha-Tha-That’s valentines day……..
Tiffany, now as a boy comes…
Tiffany: Cheeseburger?! Why are you eating so much?!
Cheeseburger: *gets a huge cake* No one’s loving me, my wife Jess is in Canada, y ex-wife has cancer, my other other ex wife has got TB…..and my great…great….great….great…..great….great….great…..great….great…….great….great…great…great *gets a huge bottle of wine in his mouth, and a burger and stuffs it* Great….Great….Girlfriend…
Tiffany: Well…your not alone…I was supposed to have valentines but now I’m a boy!
Cheeseburger: Is dead. Wait…..your not Tiffany! Who are you?!
Tiffany: I am Tiffany, but I woke up as a boy who tells dad jokes in a pizza restaurant!
Cheeseburger runs outside, with his obese stomach….
Cheeseburger: EVERYONE! GET HIM!
Everyone gets pitchforks and knives, and follow Tiffany around town….
Guy: *with a knife from far* Where’d Tiffany GO?!
Everyone: HE KILLED HER!
Tiffany: No you- *an arrow is on her arm* OW!
She runs into a bar, but the people follow her, everyone is now following her, until she hides behind a tree….
Tiffany: *panting heavily* Oh….god……how am I going to live?
[Verse 1]
Woke up this morning, something felt wrong,
Checked the mirror—oh god, I’m gone.
No makeup, no curls, no Tiffany charm,
Just a dude with a five o’clock alarm.
I stepped outside, took a deep breath,
The townspeople screamed, thought I was a threat.
“Who’s this guy? Where’d Tiffany go?”
Man, I don’t know, but now I got… dad jokes.
[Chorus]
I got dad energy,
Cargo shorts and New Balance on my feet.
I don’t know how, I don’t know why,
But suddenly, I wanna grill outside.
Dad energy,
Making bad puns instinctively,
I don’t have kids, I don’t have a wife,
But somehow, I feel like I paid taxes twice.
[Verse 2]
Tried to explain, but they wouldn’t believe,
Now I’m running through town like a Home Depot spree.
Chased by a mob with pitchforks and flames,
Guess looking different just ain’t the same.
I ducked into a bar, tried to order a drink,
Bartender said, “Sir, aren’t you Tiffany?”
I said, “Not anymore, man, things have changed,
Now I just wanna complain about gas exchange.”
[Chorus]
I got dad energy,
Fixing things that don’t need fixing, see?
I used to vibe, I used to dance,
Now I just stand up weird and adjust my pants.
[Bridge]
Maybe I should lean into the role,
Buy a minivan and mow the lawn slow.
Start telling stories that go nowhere fast,
Like “Back in my day, we didn’t have apps!”
[Chorus]
I got dad energy,
Grilling steaks like it’s a prophecy,
Button-up shirt tucked into jeans,
And I yell at the TV screen.
[Outro]
So here I am, a dad with no kids,
Stuck in a life that I never did pick.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up right,
Or maybe I’ll just go compare gas prices tonight.
Tiffany is lying on the bed…as a boy…
Tiffany: *sniff* Goodnight…
TO BE CONTINUED.....
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