“The gods must have played with time, again.” was a common saying.

Legends about the gods playing with time, as a sort of game when they were bored, was often talked about as a possible thing. 

So integrated was it in our kingdom that using it as an excuse when being late was a normal way of apologizing. Some people used it to explain why they sometimes felt like they were living in the same moment again. Others mentioned dreams similar to a situation that was going on in front of them.

But, common for all, it was legends. Myths. Excuses. Idioms.

It was a way to explain things and feelings in a way others would understand, but it was not the truth.

It wasn’t supposed to be.

If we truly lived in a world where the gods played with time and used us like puppets for their own amusement, could they not have saved me? Saved everyone? Made it so nobody ever had to go hungry, or die for fights over a throne?

The throne itself would be meaningless. What use would power be, if you were a king in name only, being controlled by something else?

No. I could not believe in the gods. I refused.

But I could not shake the feeling that going back in time was what had happened.

I had gone back to the lowest point of my life, just before I made the decision that set the course for the rest of it.

I thought back on the things I had experienced, now seen in a new light.

If it truly was not a dream, if this was real, all of it, then that meant three important things.

The Sixth Prince was still alive. I had not yet killed him.

I did not owe The Fourth Prince anything. I had not yet sworn my loyalty to him.

I now had the opportunity to forever pay for the sins I carried with me, in my previous life.

The smaller pieces started fitting into place, as well. Pieces of which I only had enough to create part of a picture, but not enough to see the details of it.

Lyric…

I couldn’t be sure that he was indeed The Sixth Prince, because whatever would a royal prince do pretending at commoner life? Yet, part of me was sure it was him. Who else could look so royal, even as a child?

And the clear anger in The Fourth Prince’s face, as he had knocked on the door and gotten no response, could very easily be understood in such a way, that he was looking for someone and didn’t find them. 

It was not too far off, to think that he was looking for The Sixth Prince for one reason or another.

Lyric asking me about who I’d seen was another clue. He had been inside while the knocking had been going on. Not opening. For fear? Because he was hiding? Something else was going on. Something more.

The pattern in which Lyric knocked on the door, before the baker’s wife opened.

Something involving the two princes was going on, here, now. Something I had never known about before.

And while it must have failed the first time around, I could not stand idly back and watch The Sixth Prince die again.

Not by my hand. Not by any other.

This time, I would live my life without regrets. 

This would be the first step to pay for my sins.

And maybe… 

Just maybe… 

I would be able to ask for The Sixth Prince’s forgiveness at the end of this life.

After I had given him my everything.

After I had successfully protected him until I broke.

No.

I cut off the thought. Sliced and diced it into tiny pieces.

Who did I think I was?

I didn’t deserve forgiveness for what I had done.

I would never deserve to even think about asking for it.

Instead, I would live with this burden, expecting nothing in return. Give him everything and ask for nothing.

I would not let him die.

If he refused to run, I would carry him. If he wanted to sit down and wait with a smile on his face, I would bring him tea and food and cards to make sure he was waiting forever, but at least was not bored.

I would put him on the throne.

Put him on the throne?

The thought came unbidden from somewhere deep within me. A part I thought had died a long time ago…

But I couldn’t ignore it. Putting him on the throne made a lot of sense.

The only true royal from the royal family, the favorite heir, the only Prince amongst all the princes and princesses that had been born from the Queen who was thought to be barren, like a miracle.

And I had killed that miracle…

I could make that miracle a king.

In doing so, I could help him save people. Save the kingdom.

I would never take orders from The Fourth Prince again.

I could even kill him right –

My thought didn’t finish before my stomach rebelled and emptied itself upon the stone road.

No, I couldn’t.

I may not owe him my life this time, but he did save it, once, and I could never repay that favor by taking his.

Letting him live but keeping an eye on him would be the best I could do.

Yes.

I had a plan.

While I still didn’t know how or why any of this happened, I had already changed my past. Now it was time to make sure I had a future.

With that in mind, I went back to the alley at the baker’s backdoor. I knew the way, though I had run in circles. I had spent a lot of time in the streets as a kid, and while my body still hurt and I was hungry yet again, I felt…

I felt…

Light.

There were so many regrets and sins I had carried with me, but now, this version of me had not yet done anything I couldn’t take back.

And while I would not simply forget what I owed, I could start fresh, dedicate my life to the one I had most wronged, and no longer have to kill people who did not deserve it.

Unless…

Unless The Sixth Prince ordered me to do so.

My legs stopped walking in the middle of a busy street, forcing me to think the thought through before I went to him. Before I swore my loyalty to him. Before I made another mistake.

What if he asked me to kill The Fourth Prince?

What if everything would play out exactly the same, but in reverse?

No.

It didn’t matter.

I was just a tool.

If he asked me to kill, I would kill.

If he asked me to protect, I would protect.

If he asked me to break, I would break.

It was not up to me to decide how I would be used, only who I would be used by.

And I had chosen my master on my own this time. I would bear whatever orders he would give me, knowing this. Being grateful for this. Surviving… No… Living with this.

My legs started walking again, direction set. There was nothing that would be able to change my mind, anymore. Nothing that could make me turn back to the person I was, and yet I would carry that person with me to remind me of what I must do.

Turning down the alley, the shadows here seemed friendly. The pile of trash looked nostalgic even though I had just been here. 

Even the smell could almost fool me into thinking it was nice. It was a bit rotten but there was a lingering flowery smell to it, as well. Something sweet. Something familiar.

Flowery sweet and rotten.

I could not believe I had fallen for this again.

Though I had been sure I had gone back in time just a second ago, this made me think it might be a dream. Might be the end of it all.

I closed my eyes and let the smell take over, waiting for the fuzzy and blurry feelings to overtake me, swiping any rational thought I had, but nothing came.

For good measure, I waited a few seconds more, but was still in full control of myself. I opened my eyes, and my vision was as close to perfect as it had always been. No blurry vision, no struggle to see. I took a step forward, but my balance held, and I moved… Normally.

Another whiff of the air made me finally relax a bit. It was there, yes, but it was more of a faint trace than that of the trap I had walked into before I died.

Because this was not a dream and I had died, I reminded myself.

The smell was even fainter than what I smelled in the hallway after… Leaving The Sixth Prince.

Had The Third Princess been here? Had she just left? Was she involved with whatever was between the two princes?

I would have to find out.