Chapter 1
Feb 16, 2025
Art and story by:
@Ghostx_Artx
@Min.tart
Eldritch Troubadour
Top comment
While starting with what I assume is the protagonist locked in a cell and being rescued by another person is intriguing, the way you delivered exposition of the world through the dialogue feels unnatural and forced. Like instead of talking like real people, the characters are reading from a wikipedia article.
When writing dialogue, always read them out loud to check it it doesn't sound off in any way. Ask yourself if you were in that situation, would you talk like that? It can help with improving it by a LOT.
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