Donovan

Without much thought, I bolted out of the office, desperate to escape before I completely unraveled. My blurred vision betrayed me, and I crashed into someone hard. Asa landed on the floor with a sharp thud. I bent down to help her up, mortified that my tears were so visible.

“I’m so sorry,” I stammered.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” she asked, moving toward me, concern on her face. 

“I’m fine,” I muttered, avoiding her gaze. Before she could say more, I turned and hurried to my car, heart pounding in my chest.

Embarrassment settled over me I hated feeling this way, hated that even now, seeing Asa stirred emotions I couldn’t control. The image of her and Jeremy holding hands kept replaying in my mind, a sharp irritation gnawing at me every time.

I remembered the first time and the only time I had met Asa. She had been 21 then, giving a speech at the same place. I could still recall the way she stood there, poised and confident, speaking with a maturity that had drawn everyone in. I couldn’t take my eyes off her then, and the feeling hadn't changed.

She still looked just as beautiful, if not more so now. Her brown skin glowed under the light, and her almond-shaped eyes, always so full of expression, seemed even deeper now, like they held more stories. Her mid-back curly hair cascaded in soft waves, framing her face perfectly, and she had this slender frame that always seemed effortless in whatever she wore. Today, she was dressed in a fitted outfit that highlighted her natural beauty, but it was the quiet elegance she carried herself with that made her even more striking than I remembered.

Seeing her now, being so close to Jeremy, stirred up something inside me. There was a gnawing insecurity, a feeling that maybe he saw something in her that he didn’t see in me. I’d heard he wasn’t dating anyone, so why did it feel like they were something more?

I’d seen her on his social media before—those candid selfies where his smile was effortless and real in a way I hadn’t seen in years. She even shared pictures of him with their friends, all of them looking so comfortable together.

And here I was. 

Alone.

Most of the friends I made in college were still in the Netherlands. I hadn’t formed any connections here because Jeremy had always been my anchor. He was the one who didn’t make me feel weird or out of place.

The jealousy clawed at my chest, relentless and unforgiving. I started mourning what could have been all over again.

The thought of seeing him tomorrow night filled me with dread. I didn’t know how to approach him, didn’t know what words might tumble out of my mouth or his. Would we talk about what happened? Would we say the kinds of things that couldn’t be unsaid, things that might close the door between us for good?

What did I even want?

No, I knew.

I still loved him.

Back then, Jeremy took such good care of me, even when he was fighting his own demons. He stood by me, defended me, protected me—even when it meant getting himself into trouble. He never hesitated, never regretted it.

He showed me who he was, and I loved him for it.

But I’d grown spoiled. Deep down, I thrived on the attention he gave me, the way he doted on me. I loved that it was just the two of us, that I didn’t have to share him with anyone else.

When he finally confided in me about his depression, I thought we could fight it together. I thought I could support him, that love—our love—would be enough to pull him through. But when he looked me in the eye and told me it was over, I let my anger take over.

I shouldn’t have gotten angry. I shouldn’t have walked away.

Everyone said it wasn’t my fault, that I couldn’t fix what he was going through. “He was depressed,” they reminded me as if that made it easier. But my guilt lingered.

I’d had a savior complex. I thought love—teen love, at that—was enough to battle the storm in his mind.

The hardest part wasn’t the breakup itself. It was the silence that followed. I didn’t know if he was okay. I never asked, and no one told me.

I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him.

Now, I knew he did. His words confirmed it—the longing was still there for both of us. But that only made things more complicated.

Would it be a good idea to try again?

A storm of emotions raged inside me, making it impossible to form a coherent thought. All I wanted was to go home, but I couldn’t even do that. Work was waiting for me.

I took a deep breath, wiped my tears, and grabbed a bottle of water.

I was a professional. At least, I could pretend to be one.

🍃

I shoved my phone into my bag as I headed out of the office. It's been a long day and all I wanted to do was be at home.  I passed by the reception and noticed Aaron was still there. 

“Heading out, Donovan?” he asked, a smile playing at the edges of his lips.

I nodded and returned his smile. “I'm ready to sleep."

“Same. I'm so tired. I have to finish this paper before this evening," he replied, eyes never leaving the computer as he typed away. 

I recalled he’d mentioned being a university student once. “Good luck with it,” I said sincerely.

“Thanks, I’ll need it,” Aaron replied with a small laugh.

The moment I stepped into the cool evening air, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I glanced at the screen: a text from Amari.

Amari: Can you pick us up from Rory’s taekwondo practice? 

A small chuckle escaped me despite myself. I typed back a quick reply.

Me: On my way. 

I placed my phone in my pocket, climbed into my car, and headed toward the gym.

When I arrived, Rory was the first to spot me. He walked out wearing a black t-shirt with the bottom part of his dobok, his energy as vibrant as ever. Amari was right beside him, holding Rory’s backpack.

It was wild to see how much they had grown up since those early days. They still bickered constantly, but there was no mistaking how close they were. Rory had the biggest crush on Amari when they were younger, though I didn’t think Amari had any romantic thoughts about him back then. My mind still struggled to process how their parents could hurt them like that. I was just grateful that my parents had adopted them—they seemed so much happier now.

Amari’s hair was braided into two neat cornrows, framing their face perfectly. It made their features more striking and gave them the confidence to show off who they were. In so many ways, Amari was the opposite of me. After years of being bullied, I was terrified to express myself, but Amari didn’t care what anyone thought. They were tough, confident, and carried themselves with an ease that I admired. They didn’t let anything hold them back, unlike how I used to feel.

Rory, on the other hand, had waves in his hair and his confidence was undeniable. It showed in the jewelry he wore, from the large chain around his neck to the diamond earrings that sparkled in his ears. He carried himself with a self-assuredness that seemed to grow with him.

Rory was starting to grow a mustache and beard, and he’d been teasing Amari, joking that soon he wouldn’t have time for them because all the girls would be flocking to him. Amari just scoffed and rolled their eyes, like they’d heard it all before. 

Back when they were kids, I never really paid much attention to the dynamics of their relationship. They had plenty of time to figure things out, but now, it was clear how important they were to each other, even through all the teasing and bickering.

I glanced at them in the rearview mirror as I drove, seeing them both sitting in the backseat whispering to each other, as usual.

“Are you really not able to leave each other’s side?” I asked, glancing over at them. “I’m not a taxi.”

They laughed but didn’t budge.

“Wow,” I remarked, shaking my head. It was always like this with them—constant back and forth, but it was clear how much they cared about each other.

As we drove, I decided to ask Rory about practice. “How was taekwondo today?”

“Good, but intense,” Rory replied. “Good thing I had my cheerleader,” Rory teased.

He winked at Amari, who immediately blushed and swatted him away. “You always act like this, but never want me to go alone,” Rory said, leaning back and putting their arm around Amari's shoulders.

I smiled to myself, watching them. It was cute, seeing how close they were, even if they pretended to be annoyed by each other. Their bickering was just a way of showing how much they cared. 

Rory suddenly shifted in his seat. “I’m hungry. Let’s hit McDonald's,” he said, clearly ready for some food.

“I want McDonald's too” Amari said, shifting in their seat with the same enthusiasm.

I glanced at the long line in the drive-thru. “You know what? Let's go inside. It’ll be quicker.”

We all piled out of the car, and I walked in ahead, letting Amari and Rory walk side by side, practically attached at the hip.

Amari and Rory went to the counter to order. Amari grabbed nuggets, and Rory picked a burger. Amari reached into their pocket to pull out money, but Rory swatted their hand away, insisting on paying instead.

Who were they fooling? I thought, amused. 

I ordered my usual—salad, of course—and followed them to a booth.

“Can’t believe you’re having a salad,” they teased.

“I’m a happy vegetarian,” I reminded them with a grin. “Besides, I have food at home.”

“So,” Amari began, leaning forward. “Did you and Jeremy kiss yet?”

I stared at them, surprised. “What are you even talking about?”

“Well, I thought you two made up already,” Amari pressed. “Don’t you want your man back?”

I felt a little uncomfortable at the mention of Jeremy but shrugged it off. “I’d rather not talk about him. Tell me about school.”

“Are you sure? We give really good advice, you know,” Rory piped in with a teasing grin.

“I don’t know about that,” I said, shaking my head.

“I don't know about him." Amari motioned to Rory with a nugget in their hand, but I have given really good advice. I even got him to talk to his crush.”

“Is his crush not you?” I teased, watching as Amari blushed and Rory grinned.

“You’re not funny,” Amari muttered, rolling their eyes. “Fine. School’s great.”

“Do you like it?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“School is school,” Amari shrugged. “It’s boring, but I’m glad I have Rory. He makes it fun. We have most of our classes together, so I don’t die of boredom.”

“Right,” Rory agreed, “It’s really boring. And the teachers are so lame. We got detention, but don’t tell our parents though. So here’s why, Amari thought it would be funny—”

“Okay, so first of all, it wasn’t my idea,” Amari interrupted. “I just agreed to your dumb idea.”

I watched them both fondly, my heartwarming as I realized how much they had grown. They were still bickering, but in a way that felt more like genuine affection than anything else. They had become each other's constants, always there to support and challenge one another.

It helped make me feel better about everything I had been feeling earlier. It reminded me that even amid uncertainty and change, there were things that remained, like their friendship and the sense of stability it brought. It made me more hopeful about seeing Jeremy tomorrow.

(Not edited)