“Do you want some wine?” I smiled at Evander as we relaxed on the beach, the ice chest that held our picnic settled at our feet.

“I would love some,” he giggled, and I poured a glass, handing it over with a smile, “this is so nice. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for treating you like this. I copy my parents. I didn’t really know what dating meant and I don’t know that I still do. I never dated Beau. We were a couple immediately. I don’t mind that and because I had known him so long there was none of that getting to know each other awkwardness. We were comfortable. It lasted a week before he started screaming at me every day. All day. I don’t miss that. I’m gentle. I shut down when I’m yelled at and just take it.”

“I can understand that. I’m the same way. I grew up with my mother never being able to speak her mind,” Evander whispered, “but I don’t think a woman in her position was even allowed to. It was… looking back we were emotionally abused. Physically with switches. We would get hit if we did anything my father perceived as incorrect. Things any normal child does were deemed inappropriate. S-sexually,” he cleared his throat and I wrapped my arm around his waist for support, “thank you. I didn’t know that how we were touched was inappropriate until I ran away to find Kip. I was pregnant,” he laughed bitterly, “and Kip took me to the hospital. I was terrified, thinking that the abortion meant God would kill me that day. It saved my life. I talked with the doctor for hours, he was so patient with me. Explained that how my father uh… what he did wasn’t normal. That parents don’t have sex with their children to make God happy, to make the family bigger. I then mentioned how being in the dress I was wearing felt wrong, how I hated my body because I thought I was weird and wrong in my skin. That’s when he explained not only what transgender people are but the entirety of the LGBTQ community. Something I had no real knowledge of. We had moved onto a compound, that’s why I disappeared from your life suddenly. We were locked down. I ran through the desert for hours, tearing up my feet. Collapsed dehydrated for a while but I kept pushing until I found the house Kip gave me the address to the last time I saw him. Queenie’s parents immediately took care of me, nursed me back to health and I told Kip everything at which point he took me to your Matua’s hospital. I remembered Alexi worked there. Running like that saved my life and I am eternally grateful for Dr. Miller. He recommended therapists, how to change my outer appearance to match my inner, and explained that I wouldn’t go to Hell for being myself.”

“Dr. Miller huh? He’s best friends with my Matua. He saved me after the accident. Best doctor I have ever met. Don’t tell Alexi I said that. Evander,” I kissed his temple and he squeezed my knee, “if I had known, I would have helped you.”

“Mhm. I know. But I had to save myself to have the strength to keep moving forward. I have a true understanding of myself, sexuality, gender, and how pregnancy works now. I still don’t know much about the outside world, what I’m allowed to share with others, how to make friends or date. But I can and want to learn.”

“Can I help teach you?”

“Absolutely,” he laughed softly, taking a sip of wine, “this is my first time on a beach. I love it. I want to live near one.”

“I do,” I pointed to my left and he looked over, “that’s my townhouse. The one on the corner over there. I can walk out of the gated complex and down those stairs and I’m here. I love my townhouse. I don’t think I’ll ever leave it. It’s meant for a small family but it works well for me right now.”

“It’s so cute,” he smiled before clearing his throat, “Koa? Does knowing… what I went through… the fact I was so sheltered change anything for you? I can understand if it did.”

“Not at all. I like men, you’re a man. The life you had before is your past, that’s true, but you gained the strength to get through it. You pulled yourself up piece by piece and found who you are. You’re a sweet, kind, caring man. Maybe a bit naive, but I can protect you from that and help show you ways through it. I missed you, Evan. I thought about you a lot. Wondered why your parents glared when I would touch you but I understand now it was due to their beliefs. I was only trying to keep you safe. I don’t get why they would let you be in a space like the gym.”

“Lessens speculation of abuse if you let your kids out into the world a bit I think. I don’t know, I don’t understand how their minds work.”

“I love hearing about your past. It shows me how strong you are now, how gently I need to treat you when I’m teaching you about the lovely land we live in. But can we switch topics and be happy? Let’s eat. Does that work? Or do you want to keep talking? I’m happy to listen.”

“Not right now,” he smiled at me, the light blue of his eyes glittering in the sun and I gently caressed his cheek, studying his face, “over time I will. But you know enough now and it makes me feel safe to be able to share with you.”

“Always,” I whispered, running my thumb along his lip and Evander scrunched his nose.

We settled in for lunch, Evander wiggling with every bite and complimenting the way I made the pasta salad. We finished the bottle of wine, both a bit buzzed as we started trying to paint the ocean, laughing loudly as we could barely make a cohesive painting, just splatters of blue and white on our canvases. Evander dragged me down the beach, leaving everything behind and we started walking hand in hand, gathering bits of sea glass and shells. I found one that matched Evander’s eyes and gave it to him and he shook his head, holding up a small brown pebble before trading with me.

“You get the piece that matches me and I’ll keep the one that matches you,” he whispered, closing my hand over the glass, “so when we can’t spend time together, we’re still close.”

“Evan,” I whispered back, my eyes wide.

“You’re already making me happy. I’ve never dated before, you’re the first person to attempt it. But I’ve watched Kip and Queenie for years and think I know how to do this. I might be a bit… I won’t be the most vocal about my feelings. It wasn’t allowed growing up. But I do show it in my actions. I hope.”

“You do,” I smiled, pulling his arms around my neck and leaning down to pick Evander up, making him squeal, “you absolutely do.”

I carried him back to the blanket and set him down carefully before joining him after pulling my arm off. Evander immediately started looking over the mechanics, flexing the hand and checking how it was all connected, genuine excitement on his face.

“Evan?”

“Hm?” he muttered, the tip of his tongue sticking out as he focused, never looking at me.

“Why didn’t you go to university for engineering? You love it.”

“Oh, I don’t want to do that. I told you, I’m happy with the life I have now. Just working in the bar, spending time with my brother, getting to go on dates with you. It’s all I want from life. It would never have been something I could have had if Kip hadn’t left and I followed. We’re twins,” he smiled at me, his hair coming loose from its tie and falling over his eyes, “we share a heart. Half of my heart was gone and I knew I had to follow. We made a life where we can be authentically ourselves and support each other. He’s my best friend.”

“As long as you’re happy, it makes me happy.”

“I’m glad. I’m also happy you won’t push me to make more of myself. I hate when people say that. I shouldn’t have to. Happiness is the key to life. I wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t get to travel around, watching people get married or celebrate birthdays.”

“Is it really that fun?” I whispered and Evander tilted his head, “To travel? Celebrate moments with people you don’t know.”

“Of course! Are you kidding me? You get to see a couple share one of the most important parts of their lives. People graduate university, birthday parties. I get to see a lot of the lower parts of the south island and they give me food most of the time. I make great money! A few thousand a month on top of what Kip pays me and all I have to do is make drinks with a smile.”

“Oh,” I chewed my lip and Evander got on his knees, setting his hands on my shoulders as he studied my face.

“You don’t want to be a doctor… do you?”

“I just… always thought if I wanted to start a family someday I needed to have a great career. Take after my Matua. Find a husband who can stay home with our kid. I didn’t… consider just living for me. Even after the accident, I came back to this. Kaia is going to be a wild animal veterinarian. I’ve always been stuck in this cycle of competition with my sister.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I…”

“Anything,” he rubbed the side of my throat with his thumb, the sun starting to set on the water behind him, “just throw it out there.”

“Photography. I’m really good at it. I want to be able to travel places and take photos like my Papa Lio did when he was with us. I was taking most of Kaia’s wedding photos. It would be so fun to do that for others, newborn and maternity shoots, family photos. I could do it anywhere, I wouldn’t need a studio and I already have all the software since I enter photography competitions sometimes. I win a lot too. Vaulting wasn’t the only thing I practiced. I’ve spent years honing my abilities to capture intimate moments.”

“See?” Evander laughed at how rapidly I spilled my heart out, “There ya go. Fuck medical school, Koa. Screw it. Be a photographer. You can change majors tomorrow if you really want to. Get a bachelor's in business, open your own photography company, and then… we can travel around together in the van for the mobile bar. We can combine as a business. It would be so fun and fulfilling for you. You survived a horrific accident,” he rubbed where my arm had once been and I felt my eyes grow warm, “it gave you a second chance at life. So take that chance and run with it. If your family is as loving as you say, I guarantee they’d support your choice.”

“You really think I can do that?”

“Mhm. I believe in you. I’ll support you every step of the way even just as your friend. You seem so stressed. I know you would be a great doctor. But I think you deserve happiness after so many years too afraid to go after it.”

“Evander… thank you,” I whispered and gently kissed his forehead, “Y-you’re right… I want to do this. I always did. But it was scary for me to walk my own path. I just want to make my parents proud.”

“They wouldn’t be proud to see their son run his own business, travel around, enter more photography competitions, and see the world? Your photography can take you everywhere. I’ve seen your website you don’t tell anyone about,” he giggled, “you sent me the link after all. Your skill is immense. Better than your vaulting and that took you to the Olympics. This can take you further and make you happier. You can still follow the dreams of having a family but you bring them with you, Koa. Silly,” he rubbed his nose on mine, making me laugh loudly, “it’s easier than you’re making it seem. Probably easier than medical school.”

“True. Um… it’s a bit quick but will you come with me when I talk to my parents? I have to go to the university first and withdraw my application to change majors. I’ll do that this week. But next weekend… I need you to be there for support.”

“Duh,” he knocked his forehead on mine and I laid down as the stars started to come out. Evander stared down at me before laying his hands on my chest and moving up to straddle me to be closer, “you’re squishy.”

“Ever since I stopped vaulting and started actually eating new foods, I’ve gained a lot of weight. I do run daily and weight lift though,” I smiled, putting my arm behind my head, “um… how was this for a date?”

“It was wonderful… it is a bit cold now though.”

“I brought wood and we’re near a fire pit. Why don’t we enjoy it and spend a bit more time together wrapped in a blanket?”

“God yes. I never want this night to end.”

I smiled and gently moved Evander off me before starting a fire, nursing it bigger as Evander set the blanket out a bit closer and wrapped up in the other. I joined him, sliding my arm behind his back as I had never put my prosthetic back on and Evander laid his hand on my thigh, squeezing gently.

“You… I have no words,” I whispered, “I’m so at peace.”

“Me too. I want to stay dating okay? As long as you’ll have me.”

“I do too.”

Evander smiled up at me and I swallowed slowly before pressing my lips to his cheek. Before I could move back, he turned his head and kissed me softly, his hand shaking on my thigh. I let out a small sigh and pulled him closer, smiling as there was no struggle to find a pace and rhythm that worked for us.

“Koa,” he whispered against my lips and I nodded, kissing him again, “you… were my first crush… um. This was my first kiss and it… it was so nice.”

“It was. Can I do it again?”

“Every time we’re together, you can kiss me as much as you want.”

I kissed him as gently and slowly as before, cradling his cheek to trace his jaw with my thumb. Evander was smiling every time our lips met again, his hands now on my chest as he played with my shirt collar.

“God…” I hummed, “Your lips are so soft.”

“Yours too,” Evander giggled and I wrapped him in a hug, cradling him against me.

“I wish I had my other arm on so I could squeeze you tighter. I hope this is enough.”

“It’s everything I want,” he moved around and sat in my lap and I tucked my arm around his waist, my chin on the top of his head, “thank you. For tonight.”

“It’s the first of many, Evander. I promise.”

“I believe you,” he tilted his head back and I kissed his forehead, “can we stay a little longer?”

“As long as you want.”