“Dad?” I whined from my parent's floor as their cat Marmalade climbed on top of me, “I’m scared to do this again.”

“Well, it has been six months since you ended things with Beau,” Caelan laid next to me, “it’s a good amount of time to start dating again. If you feel up to it.”

“I asked Evan out of nowhere and he agreed. It’s been two weeks of constant talking since I told him it would need to wait until the end of the semester. He totally respected it, not bothering me when I told him I was studying and just waiting for me to call. He tells me all about his day and it makes me smile. I enjoy his voice. I remember him from when we were younger but he’s… so different now.”

“He’s not sheltered anymore. I looked into his parents out of curiosity. They’re part of something called Gloriaville. Heavy emphasis on the male figurehead of the family, women are meant to serve, making the family as large as possible. They follow something called the Quiverfull movement. Do you know what that is?”

“No, but I remember Evan mentioning something about it at the wedding,” I turned my head and Caelan sighed.

“No birth control. Every child born is a blessing regardless if it can kill the mother. They don’t believe in abortion even for medical reasons. If Evan hadn’t escaped, he would have been forced into marrying another member of their church and birth as many kids as he could have, even if doctors told him to stop. I have nothing against large families, look at my parents, but Teddy knew he shouldn’t have any more after Cruz was born. He was incredibly sick with Cyrus and almost didn’t have Cruz. I found the Kleins; Evan and Kipton are still listed under the family. They have 12 siblings and they’re the oldest. Every kid is 10 months to a year apart. It’s not healthy. A childbearing person's body needs two years minimum to go back to normal. Religion can be good. It gives people hope and community. But not like this. Never like this and I am so fucking glad that Evander and Kipton got out of there. If they hadn’t…”

“I don’t think Evan would have made it,” I whispered, “or he would have been trapped and miserable. He has no real understanding of the outside world still. I want to show it to him. He’s curious about our family, how things are with two dads. He told me he didn’t know that he could still carry children even if he’s a man now. We should have him talk to Auntie Belle I think. Evan doesn’t understand how to properly transition. He does use birth control, I know that, and he meets with multiple therapists. One regarding his gender, one for religious trauma, and one to help him understand that how he was raised isn’t normal. I ordered him a chest binder and sent it to his apartment. He’s been using an athletic wrap for years and it warped his ribs. I’m doing what I can as his friend, but I think he needs someone who understands truly and I can’t do that. I like him,” I laughed loudly, making Caelan smile, “but I don’t know how ready he is to be with someone.”

“Take it slow. I think that was something you and Beau should have done. Or don’t and support him through the changes. Where are you taking him today?”

“Um well… I didn’t really plan it so…”

“Koa,” Caelan groaned and I shrugged, looking over to see if my arm was done charging, “you’re hopeless.”

“I’ve had one boyfriend who I was around every day for years before we even dated. I knew what he would like. But Evan is different. Everything is new to him.”

“Beach date,” Alexander yawned, coming into the sunroom with us, “pack a picnic, bring something to do like writing to each other, drawing, painting, anything like that. Walk along the sand together, play in the waves. Collect shells and driftwood as a memory. The sun goes down early this time of year so find a bonfire pit to stay warm and watch the stars.”

“That… is perfect actually,” I whispered, scrambling to my feet to get my phone from the counter and texting Evander.

-K: Wear something comfortable today. Sandals, capris or shorts. Bring a sweater in case it gets cold.

-E: Where are we going? 🙂

-K: I thought having our first date on a beach would be fun since you’re not used to that. Well… Alexander was the one who suggested it but I thought it would be nice. Would you rather me bring a journal so we can write questions and answer them together or painting supplies?

-E: Ooh… paint! We could draw the ocean 💜

-K: I forgot how much you use emojis. I’m bringing my Jeep to get you so don’t worry about wearing something to be on my motorcycle. I’ll save that for our next date.

-E: I can’t wait to see you…  only two hours to go💙😚

-K: Be a little patient. I’ll see you soon. 😚

Laughing, I set my phone back on the charging pad and shook my head.

“What’s up?” Alexander smiled, handing me a water bottle.

“Evan is just so cute. He doesn’t realize it I don’t think. Well. I need to get supplies and get ready so I’ll be heading out,” I took a quick drink before hugging my parents and running out to my Jeep.

My first stop was the closest store to get picnic foods. I was thankful that Caelan had been teaching me to cook for a while, and I settled on croissant sandwiches with ham and Swiss cheese, a quick pasta salad with tomatoes, olives, red onion, cucumber, feta cheese, and a dressing I grabbed since I wouldn’t have time to make it myself. Once I had those, I found a mix of cookies, a bottle of white wine along with watermelon juice as Evander once mentioned how much he liked it, and ice. I raced to the craft store nearby and bought everything we’d need to paint together. Once I felt I had everything, I went back home to get ready, settling on a white tank top under a striped blue and green button-up and tan shorts. I had left my arm off until I started cooking, needing both hands to do so. My heart felt full as I watched things come together as I had gathered that Evander would be happy regardless of what I did for him.

“Hello?” I answered my phone when it started to ring.

“Hey you,” Evander laughed softly, “I’m ready when you are.”

“I just need to load up my jeep. I’ll be there in about 15. Wait outside for me?”

“Absolutely. I was just making sure that you were still coming.”

“I wouldn’t miss this if I could help it,” I leaned against the driver's door, swinging my key around my finger, “did you get a sweater? It will get colder later. I grabbed blankets but I want to make sure you’re prepared.”

“Mhm. I did.”

“Good. I’ll be there soon.”

“I can’t wait to see you.”

“Only a little bit longer.”

“Okay.”

We ended the call and I looked up at the sky, my heart full.

I headed toward Evander’s apartment a few minutes later, my music loud now that I could deal with it and I sang along, parking outside of the apartment building where I found Evander rocking on his heels, playing with the bottom of his shirt. Evander looked gorgeous, wearing a thin light green sweater over what I realized were knee-length swim trunks that matched my shirt.

“Hey you,” I called and he immediately ran over, climbing into the passenger seat, “you look so nice. Oh!” I reached over and touched the back of his head, smiling, “You shaved the underside of your hair!”

“Yeah I wanted to wear the top up, it was getting in my way when I was working but I get hot so this was easier. Shaved the back and sides. We’re twins,” he snorted, gesturing to my hair as I always had an undercut due to my curls being so thick.

“True. Well, I made us a nice lunch, gathered stuff to paint, and I have a bunch of blankets so we can watch the sunset. I might not have quite known what to do when I first asked you to go out today, but once I did I threw myself entirely into making it good for you.”

“Yeah?” he smiled, leaning over and laying his head on my arm, “thank you.”

“Mhm,” I kissed his hair, making Evander giggle.

It was nice for me to have these moments, to know that someone else wanted my affection. That had been my biggest fear with dating, that I didn’t know if the way I showed my care was going to be enough for anyone after Beau. But Evander happily soaked up everything I gave him, even kind words, and was more patient than I expected as there were plenty of times I couldn’t respond to his texts. But he never complained and I believed him every time he said it was okay.

“Evan?” I whispered when we reached the beach I wanted to take him to and he nodded with a smile, “Can I check something?”

“Of course.”

“You know I start medical school soon. I’ll be taking five classes, attending labs and lectures as well as studying and papers I need to write. I won’t always have the most time for you, maybe a day or two a week but I will always call and text you between classes. The second year will be the same but I’ll probably have a better ability to manage my time because I’ll understand what’s needed of me. Third year is my rotations. I’ll be working at the hospital, learning to care for patients and what it takes to be a doctor. Fourth year is entirely focused on my specialty. I’ll get to work with kids. But it’ll be hard at first. I know I’m jumping ahead, planning for life when we’re on our first date, but I just… need you to have real expectations if you want to keep seeing me after this. I’ll be busy but I will include you in my life. Take you on dates, develop a relationship with you, and keep treating you well. I just won’t be available for more than a day or two a week in person. Then I’ll start my residency but my Matua explained that it’s similar to having a job and if the place I do my residency likes me, I can be kept on permanently.”

“I figured,” he shrugged, “I already travel a lot because I run the mobile bar. I was going to warn you of the same. We have a realistic understanding of each other, and how our schedules align. I’m home every Saturday and Sunday.”

“Me too. For the next two years at least. I’m not sure what my clinical rotation will be like but… we can figure it out if we get there.”

“I hope we do.”

“Also,” I gently took his hand, rubbing his knuckles, “my Aunt Belle would be happy to talk with you about transitioning properly. She understands living with a family in the beginning who didn’t support it. Would you be comfortable if I gave her your phone number?”

“You’d do that for me?”

“What kind of potential partner would I be if I didn’t support you?” I smiled gently and Evander blinked a few times before throwing his arms around my neck and squeezing.

“Thank you so much,” he whispered, “thank you, Koa. I am so glad I can touch you… I remembered that from before. How you panicked every time you caught me. The fact I can hug you makes me so happy.”

“It makes me happy too, Evan. Come on,” I nuzzled his hair and he giggled, “I want to spend the rest of the day on the beach together.”

“Deal.”