“I am so done with you!” Beau screeched at me as we stood in my parent's backyard and I glared at him, “You never have time for me! When was the last time you kissed me, Koa?”

“This morning when I woke you up,” shrugging, I scratched at my face, my newly grown beard soft under my hand.

“Then… then when did you tell me you love me last?”

“Three hours ago when I made you tea,” sighing, I sat next to Kaia as she watched us argue, “you’ve been yelling at me for a year. A week after we started dating. I don’t really know what I’m doing wrong. I take you on dates, spend all my free time I can with you when I’m not studying, and still do all the chores I did before including cooking every single one of your meals. I buy you everything you ask for, give you affection constantly, and I got through my fears enough that we can be intimate in some sense. I love you, Beau. It’s just so funny you broke all your promises immediately after we started dating. Hey Kaia?”

“Hm?” she muttered, taking a sip of sweet tea.

“Triss does all the same things I do. I went to him to learn how to properly care for Beau. Have you ever considered leaving him?”

“Nope. We get married in six months.”

“Ah,” I nodded and tossed my phone to Beau, “go ahead. I bet you’ll be surprised by what I found in your email.”

Beau unlocked my phone and swallowed slowly, “I… Koa…”

“How many matches?”

“What did you find?” Kaia poked me and I smiled.

“Beau has joined a website trying to find a sugar daddy. As if my catering to all his wants and needs isn’t enough. Beau? You asked where my parents and yours are. They’re getting your shit out of my house. I love you, Beau. But I won’t be used by you. Thank you. For good moments over the last year. You totally changed on me after I finally felt brave enough to give my heart to you and that kind of feels like shit. But I’ve been over it for six months and kept up appearances after I found out what you were doing. I know you’ve never physically cheated, we do have trackers on each other's phones for safety. But I did find it weird when I was fixing your computer and found so many nudes that I never got any of them but there was proof you were sending them to someone. That is cheating in my mind. Kaia? Is that cheating?”

“Seeing as I would tear off Triss’ dick if I found him sending nudes to another woman, absolutely,” Kaia glared at Beau and he brought my phone back to me before kneeling in the grass.

“Koa… please I… I am so sorry,” Beau hiccuped, tears streaming down his face, “I just… felt alone.”

“I spend no more than four hours a day away from you and you promised me that my time in medical school would be nothing. I’m not even there yet, I have another semester before I do, and you couldn’t even last that long before you started trying to find someone to spoil you. I wouldn’t judge it if you weren’t my boyfriend. But you’re free now,” I patted his head with my prosthetic hand, “I will always love you, Beau. At least a little. But I have plans for my life you no longer fit into. I won’t take you back. Not after this. We lasted six months realistically. The last six have just been me waiting for you to come clean while acting as normal as possible. Now, I have places to be, so I’ll be at my house tonight at 8. I really hope that your stuff is gone by then. I won’t be giving it back myself. If I do find anything, you can get it from my parents,” I jumped up and grabbed my leather jacket from the back of my seat, “it’s a great day for this.”

“W-where are you going?” Beau stuttered, “Don’t leave me here!”

“Hm? I’m going on a ride. I have plans. Your room is still waiting for you at your parents. Erica and Brooklyn are happy to let you move back in but I’m done. I deserve better than you,” I laughed bitterly, picking up my motorcycle helmet, “Kaia?”

“Yeah?” she smiled and I kissed her temple.

“Love you, sis.”

“Love you too.”

“Koa!” Beau screamed as I walked out of the backyard and climbed onto my motorcycle, starting it quickly as my parents pulled into the driveway in Alexander’s ute.

“Did you end it?” Caelan called over the rumble of my engine and I nodded, “Good. You deserved better than that."

“Mhm. I know. Anyway, I have a solo adventure to go on. Kaia has my itinerary and I promise to text you as soon as I get back to my place,” I flipped the visor down, grateful I kept my curls short at all times, “he’s pissed off. Sorry to leave him here but I can’t handle his screaming at me anymore. I’m sure one of the guys he was sending nudes to will be happy to take Beau in.”

“Find a man that loves you for who you are, Koa,” Alexander smiled, “not what you can give to them.”

“That’s my plan.”

I pulled away as carefully as always and started my ride around the south island.

Between Beau effectively cheating on me and the stress of school, I needed a small break from life. I bought a motorcycle five months ago once I passed the tests I needed to get licensed to drive it and I now used it as my only form of travel unless it was raining at which point I switched to the Jeep my insurance covered after the accident. I felt more free now than I had in my entire life, my fears gone. I could eat what I wanted, laugh openly, and talk to strangers without their voices bothering me, and I regularly touched people without wanting to run away to clean myself. I finally was truly a whole person in my mind and heart, as loving and open as I had been as a child. I no longer worried about how people would react to my arm, going out in tank tops or short sleeves everywhere I went and if I chose to go to the beach, I left it at home, not afraid to walk around shirtless. The entire reason I was on this trip was not only to clear my head and see as much of the South Island as possible but I was also set to meet with an old friend I hadn’t seen since Tokyo that still lived in New Zealand.

I reached Kaikōura two and a half hours later, parking outside of Emporium Brewery before I pulled my helmet off and headed inside, my keys hanging off my hip once I knew my motorcycle was secure.

“Koa!” Ricky yelled and I ran over with a smile, “dude!”

“Hey!” I laughed loudly and pulled him into a hug, Ricky shocked by my being near him, “Man, it’s so great to see you! Thanks for taking my spot by the way.”

“You’re thanking me for stealing your Olympic spotlight?” he snorted as I sat with him at the bar, “someone had to. There was no real replacing you though, we didn’t even win anything.”

“Still got to go,” I elbowed him, “how is life?”

“Well. I’m pre-med like you. For cardiology though. Got me a pretty little fiance. Her name is Amy, we met in one of our classes. Bought a house in Oyster Bay. I take a ferry to the North Island every time I have classes and stay there to make life easier,” he laughed, ordering us both a beer, “thanks for coming up. Where’s Beau?”

“Probably bitching to his parents about me dumping him,” I snorted, making Ricky gasp, “caught him sending naked pics on a dating site to try and find a sugar daddy six months ago. Gave him six more months to come clean and he didn’t,” I took a sip of my beer and relaxed, “so I ended it about… three hours ago? I feel so free. The accident saved me. I know that’s probably crazy to hear, I’m missing an arm after all. But I hit my head hard enough to mess up my brain chemistry and now I can eat what I want, touch people, and the noise around me is nothing. I’m an actual person, Ricky. Not a weirdo like you used to say.”

“I was a kid… I didn’t mean it. Not really. Just didn’t know how to talk to you. Couldn’t even give you fist bumps.”

“It’s all good. I don’t hold anything against you or I wouldn’t have come up when you asked me to get a drink. Why did you do that anyway?”

“Oh! Dude,” he laughed, handing me a card, “it’s from Coach Brenner. He didn’t get the chance to give it to your parents or anything after the ceremony and I held onto it this entire time, waiting for you to heal. It’s nothing big, just a copy of that group photo we took after we won the qualifiers. Has all our names on it.”

I opened the envelope and laughed when I found myself cowering on the edge of the group, my arms at my sides as I was terrified of any of them being close to me, “Man. I was weird, wasn’t I?”

“Little bit,” he snorted, bumping me with his shoulder, “but we’re good now. Still friends, I hope.”

“Absolutely. Beau is single now if you want to take him on that date.”

“I’m engaged, dingus. I’d never do that to Amy. She’s a great woman.”

“Better be. Hey?”

“Hm?” he finished his beer and I did the same slowly.

“Am I too different now to recognize?”

“God no. You’re still Koa. You look better these days though. Healthier. Happier. As you said,” he threw his arm around my shoulders and I smiled, “a whole person. Welcome to the land of the living, Koa Bennett. What are you planning to do now?”

“Meet a good man who won’t send provocative pics to other people. Finish med school. Get married and have a kid but still keep my identity.”

“If I come across someone I think you’ll be into, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks.”

We started to laugh loudly before getting one more beer. This was my limit before I drove anywhere as it was for my safety. We filled our stomachs with chips, beautifully golden fried and perfectly paired with a cheese sauce, and went our separate ways as the sun went down, agreeing to meet up again soon.

I climbed onto my motorcycle, starting it as I popped my helmet on, and looked up at the sky, stars starting to appear slowly, “I’m free. To be myself. To be alone for a bit. This feels so… right,” I whispered with a smile before leaving Kaikōura for my townhouse in Christchurch.