JARED

It caught me off guard, seeing Simon standing there in front of me. I felt my chest ache, hoping it didn’t show on my face as I looked up at him. What could I say, after so many years? The last time I had seen him must have been our last year in high school. He hadn’t been quite so tall, his shoulders not as broad. He looked handsome…older.

I was going to make some kind of witty joke—something to mask the awkward, sudden reunion—when I remembered that he had been married.

He had a child, he’d lost his wife…joking was the last thing I should be doing.

Maya jumped between us, breaking the tense and uncomfortable silence as she shouted, “Daddy! Daddy! I want to go home now. I want dinner! Can we have pizza?!”

Seeing her come to life when there were no other kids around made me smile a little, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Simon for very long.

Simon jerked his gaze away from me; he’d been staring just as much as I had, but his daughter’s interruption stole his attention. His eyes warmed as he smiled at Maya. “Sure, kiddo. We can grab pizza on the way home since I was late.”

“Yaaaay!” Maya’s excitement, her hands clapping together, made Simon laugh.

It startled me, seeing that he still had the same smile that I had been confronted with every day in high school. His laugh brought back memories of hallways and small talk at lockers… Had it really been years?

“We can go home in a minute, okay? I just want to make sure you had a good first day! I was worried about you.” He hugged his daughter close for a moment before pulling away. “Did you do anything fun?”

“I drew a picture!” Maya answered proudly.

“That’s great! You’ll have to show it to me.”

“Oh! I have a name tag, too! On my cubby! Come see!”

Simon followed his daughter to the cubbies, amused by her excitement as she told him how much she loved the butterfly sticker. He let her ramble for a minute before he put a hand on her shoulder and gently interrupted her. “I’m glad you weren’t bored. Can I talk to your teacher, kiddo?”

“Mm…guess so,” she grumbled, not sounding happy that he wouldn’t be paying attention to her.

“Thanks, Maya,” Simon said before he walked back over to me, holding Maya’s hand so she would follow along. Though he glanced up at me a few times as he spoke, Simon didn’t seem to be able to hold my gaze for long. “I’m sorry I was late; I didn’t expect to be held up with clients past my normal hours. But Maya looks like she had fun while she waited. How was her first day?”

I blinked rapidly as I broke my gaze from his face, looking instead at Maya. “I think it was to be expected. She’s such a sweet girl.” I glanced back at my desk where I had compiled my notes throughout the day. I fidgeted for a moment, seeing the tiredness in the way his shoulders slumped. “Actually, do you have a moment? I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Oh? Were there any problems?” Simon asked defensively. He looked worried, and I could understand why. With the number of times Maya had been moved between classes at her last school, conversations with teachers must not have gone well for him.

Maya whined a little as Simon stood up. “Dad! I want to go home! No talking!” Though she’d hardly spoken a word all day in class, she was being much more talkative now that her father was with her.

“It’s just for a minute,” he promised, giving me an apologetic smile. “I have time. She’ll get extra pepperoni for being patient.”

I tried to give a smile, but my face felt stiff, my heart pounding. Turning away from him, I stole a moment to inhale deeply, attempting to calm myself as I grabbed the folder off my desk. I brought it back to him, pushing my glasses up my nose out of nervous habit. “I, uh, took the liberty of writing down a few things about her day. She’s very shy, which is understandable given the…circumstances,” I murmured. How much could I say? I hoped my sympathetic gaze was enough to convey my condolence. “If you have some time tonight, I’d like you to look at my notes and fill out this IEP. I noticed Maya didn’t have one transferred from her last school.”

Simon took the folder to frown at it, puzzled. “I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. An IEP? The last school never asked me about any of that. They didn’t seem to take much interest.”

My heart broke a little, looking down at the small, innocent face of Maya Hayes. They didn’t care? How could they not care? She lost her mother! I wanted to say it out loud, let Simon know that I at least cared.

I cleared my throat, swallowing the words as I said instead, “An IEP is an Individual Education Plan. If you fill it out, I’ll know what you feel Maya’s strengths and weaknesses are, and I’ll…” I looked at Simon, watching him scan the contents of the file briefly, looking up for a split second at my silence. I flinched, finding my words as I said quickly, “I’ll be able to give Maya the best education I can.”

“That’s…great. Thanks, I’ll fill that out once she’s tucked in for the night. I want things to go well here, for her sake.” Simon gave me a polite smile, distant and distracted; he was looking down at his daughter. “We’ll bring it back bright and early in the morning for class. Right, Maya?”

The little girl looked up at her dad with a pout. “Fine.”

“Maya…” Simon’s chiding tone turned into a sigh. “Why don’t you get your things so we can go home. Don’t forget your jacket, it’s cold out.”

As Maya called out, “Yes, Dad!” I couldn’t help but feel cold myself. It drew off of Simon as if I were someone that he’d never even met.

And it killed me.

Simon watched his daughter happily collect her things for a moment before he looked at me—really looked at me—without awkwardly glancing away. “Look… I mean, Jared… I…” He was finally using my name, instead of acting like I was a stranger, and it was obvious it made him struggle with his words.

I couldn’t do this right now; I couldn’t think about it. “It’s been a while, I know,” I said anxiously. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I also didn’t want to be rude or insensitive. I glanced over at where Maya was doing up her jacket on her own, trying to keep my voice low. I was walking a fine line as I offered sincerely, “We should...catch up sometime and...talk.” I chewed at my bottom lip, nodding as if to convince myself that it was the right thing to say.

It was a relief when Maya came bounding back over to us. “Daddy, look!” She turned around to face away as she pointed to her bag. “All zipped! And!” She spun again, pointing to her jacket. “All done up! All by myself!”

“Good job, kiddo!” Simon’s awkwardness dissipated as he praised his daughter. He found words easily when he spoke again, less lost than when he’d first tried to make conversation. He nodded in agreement at me, saying, “Yeah, you’re right—we should meet up when we’re not busy. It’s a little late now, and I’ve made Maya wait around long enough. I don’t want to keep you here all night, either.”

“Dad!” Maya tugged on the sleeve of her father’s suit jacket, offering up the paper she’d been drawing on while we waited for him to pick her up. “Look, stickers!”

Simon took the drawing with a grin. “Beautiful! I’ll put it on the fridge. Thank you.”

“Welcome!” Maya beamed at her dad.

He was more relaxed when he looked at me again. “We’ll head home, sorry for keeping you so late.” Simon paused, frowning a little, before he offered, “It looks like it’s going to rain—maybe snow at this temperature. We can give you a ride home if you want. I know you’ve never liked to drive. Wouldn’t want you getting sick; it’s pretty cold out there.”

I felt my face falter, imagining the awkward ride home. The situation was stressful enough without my anxiety getting in the mix of a twenty-minute drive. “Oh, thank you, but I don’t live very far.” It was a lie I was accustomed to telling. “Don’t worry about it.” I felt a genuine smile tug at the corners of my mouth as Maya pulled on Simon’s hand. I met his eyes. “Thank you for your time, I’ll let you get going. Drive safe.” I crouched down to Maya’s height, grinning at her. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Maya’s shyness returned for a moment as I leveled with her, watching her shuffle closer to Simon’s side. “We’ll…play with stickers?”

I felt my knee crack as I stood, grabbing the sticker book off the table. I watched her eyes sparkle. “Will you promise to bring this back tomorrow?” I asked, gesturing to the sticker book.

Maya nodded enthusiastically, staring at it, hypnotized.

I laughed lightly as I outstretched one hand, holding out my pinky. “Pinky swear?”

She hooked her pinky around mine, delighted as I handed her the sticker book. I watched her small arms drop for a moment at the weight of the booklet. She clutched it to her chest with both arms tightly wrapped around it. She looked up at me, saying sweetly, “Thank you, Mistah Nowan! See you tomorrow!” She gave one big nod.

Simon shook away the surprise which had shown on his face while Maya talked to me and gave me a genuine smile. “Guess she likes you, huh? I’m glad,” he said softly, brushing her hair back from her face. “Thanks for taking care of her at school—I’m glad she has a teacher who hasn’t given up on her already.”

“Dad! I’m hungry!” Maya complained, bumping into her father with the weight of her small body since her hands were full.

Simon laughed and put an arm around her shoulders. “Got it, little monster. Let’s get out of here,” he said, guiding her toward the door. He paused as he let her through, glancing back with another polite, distant smile. “Have a good night, Mister Nolan,” he said, before he let the door close behind them, shutting off the sound of Maya’s excited chatter.

I felt a lump in my throat, staring at the closed door. “Goodnight…” Simon, I thought; glad no one could hear me.

I took a moment to tidy Maya’s workstation and gather up my things. Locking up the classroom, I said goodnight to the caretaker before stepping out the front doors into the cold night. It smelled like campfire, my breath puffing out in smoke as I shoved my hands into my coat pockets. Streetlights created a haloing effect against the dark sky, and I watched my shadow along the pavement as I walked towards the bus stop.

My chest felt tight as I recalled Simon’s words, Mr. Nolan. Mister Nolan? The anger dug into me, though I couldn’t find sense or justification behind it. I did the math in my head; it had been nearly ten years since we’d last spoken to each other. Ten years.

And it took half that time to forget— I stopped the thought, taking in a deep breath. It wasn’t worth agonizing over.

The bus ride took nearly an hour, and I desperately tried not to doze off. Finally reaching the tall, dingy apartment building, I sighed, pressing my card to the front door and opening it after the loud buzz. I walked through the lobby, where I gritted my teeth at the elevators—still out of service. They had been out of service for nearly four months, no one bothering to fix them despite my numerous letters and phone calls. It was a long climb to the seventh floor where my key got stuck in the lock of my apartment door. After wrestling with it for what felt like a good few minutes, the door finally popped open, allowing me to half stumble inside.

It’s fine. It’s all fine, I told myself, trying to remain positive about the day.

I closed the door behind me, tearing off my coat and scarf and removing my shoes. My skin prickled against the heat as I turned on the light to the simple, small apartment I tried my best to keep clean. It was a polarizing opposite from my colorful classroom; everything grey and relatively bare.

I walked over to the sofa, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV so there would at least be some kind of noise as I made my way to the fridge. I hardly paid attention to the news as I wondered what ingredients I had on hand for dinner. I stopped with my hand on the handle of the refrigerator, looking at the blank surface.

I had a takeout menu magnetized to the fridge...that was it.

I thought about the sweet picture Maya had drawn her father; she’d been so proud. Maya, I had to focus on her, I had to make sure that she was looked after during the day, not like her last school.

Closing my eyes, I let my forehead fall to the cold metal surface of the fridge. Simon, I thought; I couldn’t help it. It was like I was unable to expel him from my mind, his smile, his distant voice...

“Why does it have to be you?”