They wouldn’t want to date me anyway. No, no, I don’t even know why I thought we could work. I am invalidating their gender Identity for liking them. I really shouldn’t even have a crush on them. 

 I looked at myself in the mirror. The moment I met my eyes, I froze at the sight of my face. I looked like my mom when she was pissed or jealous. Oh god. Am I becoming like my mom? 

 I turn away quickly from my reflection and wonder what I am doing. I can’t be jealous, can I? No, that's ridiculous… They aren’t even my partner? Boyfriend…? 

 I ran a hand over my face as I groaned. Hell, I don’t even know what term to use. I just know it’s not my girlfriend. All I know is I really want to punch Henry in his face. We were about the same height… he was a bit shorter. 5’10, 5’11? No clue I just know I am 6 feet tall. 

 He is a bit more slender than I am. Being a 180-pound guy that says a lot if a guy can be thinner than you but he also didn’t have much bulk to him, I could probably take him in a fight unless he was secretly the Hulk or had super strength. 

 I took a deep breath. I wonder if River even dates people who aren’t white like them. Well actually is River white? Henry is a white guy but I think River has a more tan or olive complexion. Or maybe they like guys with blonde straight hair like Henry. 

 Fuck- I quickly turn on the cold water and splash it in my face. I am spiraling. How long have I been in the bathroom? 

 I cracked open the bathroom door just a bit to see that Derek, Rose, and Emily had arrived. I exhaled slowly as I left the bathroom. 

 I approached the table and noticed that Henry had switched seats with Derek to sit closer to River. Henry side-eyes me before he grabs Rivers's hand. I feel a frown tug on my face. 

 I sat next to Derek and noticed he wasn’t on his phone this time. Maybe he and his girlfriend made up. My eyes drift towards Rose and I realize she looks a lot like River. How did I not notice before?

 They are the same height, same complexion, same face. Actually almost the same face. They do share the same facial features but she wears more gothic makeup and doesn’t have the mole that River does above their lip.  

 I felt my face heat up. I didn’t realize I stared at their lips as much as I did until I looked at Rose. I slowly studied Rose more. They had the same wavy hair as River butcher's was copper red and much longer. Wait, did she dye her hair? I can’t remember. I looked at her clothing style. she was more gothic in her clothing while River had a skater-guy look. 

 Rose meets my eyes for a moment. “You have a problem?” she said. I flinched a little. I didn’t realize I was staring at her long enough to make her uncomfortable.

 I shake my head no. “No! I just… I think your makeup skills are amazing. I could never-” I pause. I realize I never told anyone I wear makeup. Well not really. My mom and I have the same complexion and without any daughters, she tends to test makeup looks on me before she does it herself. 

 Rose's face softens and she smiles. “If you want I can teach you. We love cis guys who aren’t afraid to be femme” She nudges Emily. Emily nods and hums in agreement. 

 I hear River chuckle. “Okay, guys. Knock it off. Let’s start the session.” I turn my head towards them. Like always they had my full attention.

 I was biting my tongue at this point. River had to stop the session because Henry and I started fighting. It’s 100% my fault and I know it. He had been more flirty and smirking at me for a while. I started to sabotage his character. 

 It felt like he was taunting me, rubbing it in my face that he had River. River had us separated as they talked to us One-on-one. They were talking to Henry first and I was sulking away on the opposite side of the Game center. We were supposed to be working on finishing a dungeon for the quest given to us by a Drow named Rex. 

 We were supposed to be getting a relic the drow wanted but with how much we were arguing and disagreeing to spite each other nothing was getting done. My leg was shaking a bit. I started wondering if I was going to be kicked out of the game. If it was possible that River hated me for this.

 I felt someone touch my shoulder which caused me to jolt my head to who it was. I saw River’s face and they didn’t look mad. More worried.

 “You okay? You didn’t look up at me when I appeared and didn’t respond to me when I said your name like three times?” They were speaking softly. I look away from their eyes. Their pitiful expression is too much for me. 

 “Yeah,” I mumble. I hear them sigh as they sit next to me. “Really? You were fighting with Henry a lot…” They said softly. I felt my leg start bouncing as my mind was racing when they said it. I was waiting for them to say what I feared the most.

 I felt them take my hand into theirs. My head snaps towards them. “Are you having a bad day?” They asked. I studied their faces a bit. Nothing about them ever gave off that they hated me. 

 “In a way…” I mumble. They nod and let go of my hand. “Can you tell me what happened?” They asked. I slowly bit my tongue. I couldn’t bring myself to say what it was actually about Henry and them.

 I shook my head no. I couldn’t tell them. I just couldn’t… They nod their head. “That’s fine but until you and Henry can make up the sessions are going to be postponed.” 

 My heart sank a bit. “Okay,” I mumble as I stand up. “I will see you later.” I quickly walked away from them. “Marco?!” They called out but I didn’t stop. I needed to leave. 

 I sat in my room on my laptop. I have been looking at transgender stories and gay stories. I looked for stories where people were dating trans people and most of them weren’t exactly what I was looking for.

 Most of them were just cis people finding out their partners were trans after a long time of dating. Apparently Cisgender is the term for people who are ‘normal’ from what I found. It feels weird thinking that people who are trans are not normal. 

 I also found that people have trouble dating when they are trans. Maybe that’s why the people didn’t tell their partners they were trans but a lot of other trans people say you should be upfront about the fact they are trans to them. 

 I have also been looking at people who date trans people and what it is called. Pansexual, queer, bisexual? Honestly bisexual got me the most confused since I originally thought it was like the person liked men and women. Some bisexuals use it when they like two different genders even if it isn’t strictly men and women. 

 I groaned and laid my head on my desk. I don’t even know where I can start. I have zero idea where to dive deeper and nothing is really helpful. I hate this. I wish I had someone to talk to about this…

 I sat up quickly. Someone to talk to. That’s it. I can talk to someone. I ran over to my phone and started typing away on the phone. 

-June 8th: 7:50 pm-

Marco: Hey, I have a personal 

question to ask you