He was agitated, so it was likely that he had come running, looking for me.

I winced and jumped up.

It had been so long that it felt unreal and my emotions were mixed. I wanted to jump into his arms, but also wanted to hit him. I wanted to kiss him and take him with me, but I also wanted to push him away and yell at him to never come back. 

Instead, I just watched him.

Why did he come here? Last time was supposed to be our last conversation, but now I had him here, again, just when I was beginning to feel it far away, just when it stopped hurting.

Without warning, Matt reached out and wrapped his arms around me. Almost as if by reflex, my arms went around him and my heart began to pound.

He hugged me tightly, and I could see he had missed me as much as I missed him. All the contradictory feelings suddenly disappeared and I buried my face in his chest, soaking in that scent I had almost forgotten.

He was really here, holding me in his arms, bringing back with it all the feelings I had begun to leave behind.

We stayed like that for about a minute until, as if he had reacted, he slowly let go of me.

Once we parted, he looked into my eyes. 

– Alex... – He said, running a hand over my cheek. My name still sounded beautiful on his lips.

– ... Hi. – I replied, feeling my hopes up. 

He stopped his caress and lowered his hand, a conflicted look appearing on his face.

He let go of my arms and took a step back.

– Have you been good? 

I swallowed without taking my eyes off him.

– Yeah, I think so. You?

– Yes, same...

We were both lying, I knew it. But we couldn't just say we missed each other, because that would be a low blow. 

We looked at each other for a while without saying a word, as if appreciating each other's faces for the long time we hadn't seen each other.

That made me smile a little, and I could see Matt's gaze relax at the sight of it.

Suddenly, he gritted his teeth and looked away.

– Uhm, Daerim... She told me that she had met you before.

Daerim. I thought. That woman's name is Daerim. 

With just that, I remembered everything and stopped smiling. For a minute, I had felt that everything would get better, having hopes like a fool. 

– Yes, we did. – I just answered.

– Are... You alright? – He asked with a worried expression on his face. 

– I- I guess. – I had no idea where he was going with that question.

– I mean, aren't you...? – He considered what he was going to say a little more. Suddenly he just let out a frustrated sigh, bringing his hand to his head. – Are you really... Fine with all of this? – He lowered his gaze and hand, making a fist. 

His question took me by surprise. 

Did he really just ask me that?

I started breathing heavily. Little by little, I felt the anger growing inside me.

Without thinking I took a step forward, facing him.

– Do you think I am? – I said, raising my voice and taking another step towards him. – Do you really think I'm fine after you overnight mated with another omega and got her pregnant, even though we had been together for six years, and now you're even going to another country?! Do you think a normal person would be fine after all that?! – I shouted, not caring that my tears came out with every word I said.

His first reaction was one of surprise, taking a step back, probably because of my pheromones. I didn't remember ever raising my voice to him before. I had always accepted everything in silent, because I loved and love him too much. But his stupid question had made me explode.

He made a gesture of pain that broke my heart, but I couldn't help but say everything I thought.

– You have no idea. – I said lowering my voice, trying to suppress it. – You have no idea how much this hurts. How much it has hurt, all this time. 

He tried to get closer, but I took a step back. 

– So, – I made a pause, quickly wiping away my tears. – You have no right to ask me that. – I declared.

He remained silent, not knowing what to answer.

– ... I'm sorry. – He finally said. 

– I'm tired of hearing your apologies. – I replied still angry.

– Alex, I... – He reached out a hand towards me and I pushed it away. I didn't want him to touch me anymore.

He lowered his hand and frowned, with a gesture of pain.

He remained silent for several seconds.

– I know... It was me who was wrong. – He started. – But you weren't the only one who has suffered, Alex. – He looked up at me and I could see his crystal-clear eyes as if he were going to break at any moment. – Every day, I can't help but think about you. You appear in my mind morning, noon, and night. 

A tear rolled down his cheek and I felt my lower lip tremble. 

– I have you deep engraved in me, and I will always suffer the consequences of what I did. – He lowered his gaze and blinked hard. – I swear that if I could turn back time, I wouldn't hesitate to do so. Because my only purpose in life since I met you, had been to make you happy. But instead, I only hurt you.

I started to shake my head and took a step back.

– Please stop, don't say anything else. – My voice broke.

I didn't want to hear him, because he was making the goodbye even harder.

 – I just... You don't know how angry I am with myself, how helpless I am for having been such an idiot to have let myself be carried away by my stupid nature. For leaving you there. So much helplessness for not being able to be with the person I love. – He declared, saying the last thing in a low voice.

I winced in pain.

– Oh my god, Matt. Enough. – I pleaded, walking over to him and hitting his chest.

He took me by the arms and planted a kiss on my head. I could hear him sniffling hard.

We stayed like that while I cried, unable to stop.

– Why are you doing this? – I asked between sobs, looking at his feet and feeling his pheromones impregnate my nose. – You're hurting me, so please, stop.

He fell silent and began to caress my arms.

– Sorry, forgive me, Alex. I'll stop, I'll stop now, just don't cry like that anymore. –  He rested his head on mine. –  I don't know why I'm being so selfish with you. It's just that... I don't want to lose you, I don't feel capable of forgetting you. – Matt was also sobbing.

I didn't feel capable of forgetting him either, but I didn't tell him because I felt it would be wrong to do so. And now he was the one saying it.

I made fists with both hands and gave him a little push to get him to let me go.

We had to put an end to this, and we wouldn't do it if I just let Matt continue to say everything that was in his heart.

– Don't say things like that anymore. – I looked up at him, looking into his eyes. – It's not fair. Not to me, not to your omega, not to your baby on the way.

What had happened hadn't been anyone's fault, it was just fate playing dirty with us. But right now, Matt was being very unfair.

I hadn't been able to help but blame them both all this time for giving in to their nature, especially Matt. But I had to let them go.

– What I said earlier... I just let out what was stuck in my heart, because I'm too angry and hurt. Forgive me for that. – He made a move to come closer, but I placed a hand between us to stop him, looking down at his feet. – Just... Go to South Korea with her and start again. – I said, sobbing. – She seems to be a good person, so just go with her. 

I didn't want to look him in the eyes anymore because I knew what kind of expression he was making.

– Alex... – He stopped talking and swallowed hard. – I’m so sorry… I know I shouldn’t say things like that anymore, I know that very well. I’m sorry I always end up hurting you, for being so selfish and hurting you like that every time we see each other.

– Yes, you are hurting me. – I declared, to get him to stop. – But it's ok, we can't do anything now. – I raised my face to him and tried to smile, but I just couldn't stop feeling sad.

– I'm sorry... – He apologized again. 

I knew very well that it would not be easy for him to forgive himself for what had happened, but I hoped that one day he would be able to do so.

After a while, he sniffed and wiped his eyes.

– God, I don't want you to be left on your own, it's too dangerous. 

It occurred to me that he must have thought about it the time he left me alone on the street, but I decided to keep quiet.

– I'm not on my own. I found... Kind of a home here. – I replied by remembering the owners of the Cafe and John, who treated me as one of their own family. I felt that I would be fine as long as I stayed with them. 

His face softened. 

– That's a relief. – He said with a sad smile. – I will always... I'll always have all our memories in my heart. And you, as my first and only love. I'm so sorry... I can't be part of your future as I promised. I can say that, can't I? – He tried to smile between sobs, breaking down again but trying to hold on.

I couldn't answer, because the lump in my throat prevented me from doing so. So many memories, so many feelings along with his words, made me sink deeper and deeper.

I have never seen Matt cry that much, not at our first meeting after what had happened. It hurt me to see the person I loved break down like that.

I moved closer and placed my hands on his cheeks, pulling him towards me. I held back the urge to kiss him, so I just put our foreheads together and we stayed like that, while the tears didn't stop.

I wanted to continue belonging to him. I wanted to stay by his side, but I couldn't be that selfish, so I kept everything I wanted to tell him to myself.

– It's okay, we'll be okay. – I whispered.

Matt placed his hands on my wrists and moved his head away slightly to nod several times while trembling, letting it fall on my forehead again.

He slowly moved his face closer, as if he wanted to kiss me. My heart started to beat fast, wanting it, but he turned it at the last moment, giving me a kiss on the cheek and then hugged me tightly again, pressing my head against him.

We both knew that this would be the last time we would see each other, that it would be a farewell perhaps forever.

I put my arms around his back again and held on tightly, holding on like that.

I took advantage of the moment to fill myself with those pheromones that I knew so well.

When he calmed down, he slowly let go of me and I backed away too, taking a few steps back and sitting on the bench, tired of crying and suddenly feeling weak.

Matt did the same, apparently feeling the same as me.

We were silent for a while.

– We’ll be leaving in a week. – He said suddenly, sniffling. – You can go home later. Oh, and the… The credit card isn’t mine, it’s your dad’s. He gave it to me for you, even though he said I shouldn’t tell you.

Had my dad done that?

I wanted to ask him about it, but now was not the time at all. I wouldn't get another chance, but it didn't matter.

He was silent for a second as if trying to remember something else.

Suddenly, he smiled a little.

– Right, thank you... For the birthday greeting, happy belated birthday to you too. I couldn't... – I saw that he wanted to say more, but then he just sighed. – That... That's all.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. He held it out to me and I looked at it for a moment, then glanced at Matt.

Our eyes met and I smiled at him as best I could, and he did the same.

I reached out my hand and he left the key there, but I didn't turn around to look. I was losing myself in those hazel eyes that I had loved for so many years, while he was also losing himself in mine.

He ran a hand over my cheek, wiping away a tear.

He swallowed hard and lowered his hand, looking away. I blinked a few times and looked down.

Before standing up, he patted my head lovingly.

– Goodbye, Alex. Please take care of yourself.

– Goodbye, Matt.

Farewell, my alpha. I replied in my mind.

He gave me one last look and started walking with his hands in his coat.

I followed his back until he was so far away that I couldn't follow him anymore.

He kept getting further and further away, only this time it would be forever.