The world was falling away. That fleeting moment of connection, those hauntingly beautiful eyes, were Noah’s last glimpse of the other side, as he sank into the space between realms. Noah had experienced this before, the slow, strange sensation of falling backwards out of his own body. Not a freefall, but a placid drift.
He was sinking—drowning—but it felt… serene. It all had the same fuzzy, ethereal quality as a dream.
Somewhere, in the back of his head, he knew that what he was experiencing was only the natural phenomenon created by the brain on the brink of death. A series of dreamlike, peaceful visions and sensations.
His lungs no longer burned with the need for oxygen. His limbs were heavy, but he didn’t need to muster the strength to swim against the current. He was inhaling water as he sank, but it didn’t hurt. Nothing did, not anymore.
Noah’s soul was separating from his body. He knew it the moment he began to hear unfamiliar voices. His eyes were closed, but for a fleeting second he was seeing through someone else’s eyes.
A man sitting at the top of a cliff, face contorted with pain. A sword, dripping with blood. A flash of surprise on a stranger’s face.
A lively castle, bustling with activity. A young child, holding someone’s hand.
A sense of deep melancholy. Hallways, once filled with warmth and people, gradually emptying.
And then—nothing.
It was the deep sense of peace, of his psyche being engulfed by the comforting embrace of the void. Nothing existed here. Not pain. Not suffering. Not even the past. For a sweet, blissful moment, he was blessed with the peaceful kiss of oblivion.
When Noah’s eyes next opened, he was no longer in that cave chamber. Instead, he was suspended in an ocean of stars, floating effortlessly on his back as constellations danced around him. He had a dim recollection of this place. He was at the border of life and death.
“Noah Astraeus,” a familiar voice spoke his name, whisper-quiet. “Why…?”
Noah’s gaze shifted, picking out a figure as they drew nearer and nearer. In his foggy trance, it took a moment for the figure to come into focus.
A petite woman, deceptively youthful looking, approached. Her face was as pale as moonlight, in stark contrast to the deep black of her dress and the crimson of her lips and gaze. Despite her silvering hair, her face was frozen in time. Eternally young and beautiful, even if those doll-like features were marred by the downward twist of her lips and the soft knit of her brows.
“Lady Izanami,” Noah murmured, tightness and warmth pricking at his chest as he laid eyes on the familiar goddess.
She’d greeted him here once before, at the border of life and death, but, more than that, Izanami was a close, personal friend from the life he’d been forced to leave behind.
“As lovely as it looks on you, I wish you wouldn't wear that sadness on my behalf,” he said.
The silver-haired woman laughed, brushing away the moisture welling up in her eyes with the back of her hand. “I can’t believe you’re back, after everything.”
“And yet, you don’t look happy to see me,” Noah teased, reaching out to give her hand a weak squeeze.
“I’m not!” Izanami managed to muster up a scowl, even as her eyes softened, and her cold hand tightened around his. “Are you sure about this—that this is what your choice is? You really want to go back?”
“Iza,” Noah interjected softly. “What choice do I have in the matter? The people are suffering, and someone needs to set things right in the Spirit Realm. This is what I was born to do.”
“But you’ve already done your time, Noah. And it’s been more than seventy-five years—these aren’t even your people anymore,” Izanami said. When Noah had been sent back, after his previous journey to the Spirit Realm, there had been no way to return him to his own time period—they could return his body and undo his death, but not the amount of time that had elapsed while he had been in the Spirit Realm. “Let them suffer. They’re strangers to you. You owe them nothing.”
“The passing of time is all the more reason, Iza,” Noah said, shaking his head. “This is my responsibility, as one of the last descendants of the Astraeus Clan. Shamans are few and far between in the modern era. If not me, who would answer their call?”
“But your life—”
“Isn’t worth more than theirs,” Noah said, shaking his head. “You know who I am, Iza. You know what I’ve lost—who I’ve lost. There's nothing and no one left for me to return to. In either of the Realms. What is there left for me to live for, if not this?”
“Noah…” Iza murmured, her gaze dropping to the floor.
“It’s still my duty, Iza. Let me make something meaningful out of my death.” Noah smiled ruefully. “Let my life amount to something.”
Iza winced and fell quiet. After a long while, she spoke again.
“But Tamaki… no, Tama asked us to keep you safe. He never wanted you to end up back here.” Her voice was whisper soft. “He gave up everything to send you back to the Mortal Realm. He wanted you to live a normal life.”
“I know that.” Noah closed his eyes tightly. Even after all this time, his chest still ached at the mention of his former lover’s name. The god he had once been wed to. The first that he had been sacrificed to, so many years before. “But I can’t, Iza. He should have known that—I’m an Astraeus. A ‘normal life’ was never an option.”
“Are you certain, Noah? This is the path you wish to take?”
“I’m tired, Iza. I can’t keep going with no purpose,” Noah murmured. “This is at least a chance to set things right. I deserve that much, don’t I?”
“What happened wasn’t your fault, Noah,” Izanami said. “It was Tama’s choice to make. The consequences of his actions—what happened afterwards—aren’t your sins to account for.”
“You say that, but the people who depended on him were my responsibility. It was my job to protect them.” He shook his head. “If not for me, they would still be alive.”
“It was Tama’s decision, Noah.”
“It’s blood on my ledger, Iza,” Noah said, his lips twisting bitterly. “We can debate this all day, but this is not only my sworn duty, it’s the right thing to do. I can’t turn back time, but this is within my power.”
“Are you certain you want to do this? To tie yourself to another god?”
“That’s just the cost of this opportunity,” Noah said. “It is what it is.”
“Do you even know which god you’re involving yourself with? You won’t be welcomed warmly, Noah.” Izanami shook her head softly. “This mountain’s guardian was born both from and for war. He is a cold and hostile man. He won’t share Tama’s good nature and heart. You know that this won’t be like before.”
“No.” Noah’s lips twisted into a pained, humorless smile. “How could it be? Tama is gone, Iza. There’s no bringing him back. But that doesn’t change who I am or the responsibilities I carry. It doesn’t matter what lies ahead. This task is still mine to see through.”
“If you choose to pass over now, this will be the end for you. A true end, this time. You won’t be able to return to living in the Mortal Realm a second time, Noah.” Izanami shuddered. “Please, reconsider. Do you think this is what Tama wanted for you? That you’re back here again would break his heart.”
“Iza,” Noah said sharply. “Though we all once called each other friends, you don’t get to speak to me on his behalf.” He swallowed back the tight lump in his throat, his voice hoarse and strained when he spoke. “I knew him better than anyone. You don’t need to tell me what he would think. It doesn’t matter what his opinion might have been. I can’t shape my decisions around someone who no longer exists.”
“This subject seems no less painful for you now than it was then.” Izanami’s lips twisted, and her downturned gaze wavered. “That was never my intention. I'm sorry, Noah.”
Noah clenched his jaw, biting back the emotion that threatened to break through his restraint. “Iza,” he said, voice tight, “we may have known each other from Tama’s domain, but here your job is to open the gate and send onward whatever spirits have gathered.” Noah looked at her, grim-faced. “You know as well as I do that you can’t afford to stall me here. Even if it was my wish, you have no right to send me back to the Mortal Realm.”
“Yes, you’re right,” Izanami murmured. “One exception was already made for you, when you were returned to the living and Mortal Realm the first time. Tama’s sacrifice was all that allowed us to do so. The laws of nature won’t bend for you a second time.”
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