The engine of the bike roared to life beneath her, rejuvenating her after a night spent sleeping curled on the edge of the hospital bed next to her mother. She blinked the tears out of her eyes again and opened up the throttle. The wind nearly drowned out the music in her helmet, but it couldn’t quiet her racing thoughts. Charlotte had gone round in circles all week over what to do. She no longer held the same level of skepticism that had alienated Noah from her earlier on, but she still couldn’t completely invest either. It felt like she was dreaming, or like she was failing to go through enough rational practices first, to rule out the practical before accepting the unbelievable. She focused on her senses in an attempt to bring her back to the here and now. She could see the pink sky of early dawn and the nearly empty road before her, just starting to awaken with early commuters. She could taste the sourness of stale coffee and unsuccessful attempts to wash it away with gum. She could hear the wind rushing around her, and faintly the sound of her music. She could smell the crispness that only came from early morning autumn air, beneath the toxically appealing smell of the bike's exhaust. And she could feel the vibration beneath her, the air as she cut through it, the chill on her face, as the sun worked its way up, cutting her cheeks like tiny knives.

The clarity of what she needed to do hit her just as sharply. She barely checked her mirror before making a drastic cut across lanes to merge onto the freeway. She needed to go north. Charlotte needed to talk to someone who knew her mother longer than she had. She couldn’t bother her dad with it, and that didn’t leave anyone in North Carolina. It didn’t leave many people that she knew of anywhere. The options it did leave were not great. Her mother’s only sibling, Uncle “Cub,” was in a care home with early onset dementia. Apart from him she had two cousins who she’d never really known. They were actually her mother’s cousins and were both in their 60s. 

This is crazy, she nearly got off the exit and turned back, but how else am I ever going to figure this out.  The thought of driving for six hours after a sleepless night felt absurd. Exhaustion mixed with adrenaline, and she couldn’t stop a manic giggle from bubbling up. At least she had some time to figure out what she was going to say. To her relatives up north, but also to her father and brother who she’d just all but abandoned. 

Charlotte to Noah and Dad: Hey don’t want to worry you but I needed to head back to campus to tie up some things. Sorry for last min notice

Charlotte to Noah: Call me later. I’m not going to campus. 

She sent the messages off in quick succession as she practically inhaled a sticky bun, chasing it with gas station coffee. Noah would understand, she knew it inherently, but she still felt guilty. Especially considering it was possibly a wild goose chase. 

As she rode, Charlotte tried to decide on where to stop first. She didn’t want to just drop in on Jonah and Jeremy, and she didn’t even know what she’d say. "Hey, I know we haven’t talked since Mimi’s funeral five years ago. I guess you’ve heard Mom’s is next? Oh, and by the way, did your mom ever show you strange memories with her mind before she died?"

She fought back the laugh this time, feeling like it might bring up bile with it. Charlotte had to get a hold of herself. She was on a dark train of thought, torn between abandoning this whole side quest to go find a library and just research her family in a way that made sense for answers. Of course, living relatives did make the most sense, and she was just being a coward. 

By the time she got to her mother’s home town area she had mostly gotten herself under control and talked herself back into going through with things. She’d sent messages to her cousin’s, explaining she was in town and asking if they could grab dinner tonight or lunch the next day. She’d gotten a pep talk from Noah, who was excitedly supportive of the whole idea, on the phone. His only real criticism was that she didn’t tell him until she’d already gone. Armed with his advice and support she made arrangements to bring her uncle lunch at the memory care facility. Popeyes felt like a good choice, simple and sure to be a hit from what she remembered of time with her Uncle Cub. 

The young man at the desk when she checked in seemed to agree, and she thought she’d actually heard his stomach growl before he assured her. “Bear’s having a good day today. He’s been excited since he heard you were coming.” The young man’s voice was cheerful, but the sterile hallways felt cold as they walked. The smell of disinfectant clung to everything, making Charlotte’s nerves buzz.

“He was going on and on about how you’d always send him birthday messages and ask to go hunting with him.” Charlotte barely heard the man as he continued chatting on the way to find her uncle. “He said he had the most beautiful niece ever too and warned just about everyone here not to get any ideas.”

She tried to be polite as the guy laughed, but she wasn’t really sure what he was going on about at that point. “Anyway, he wasn’t wrong, is all I’m saying…”

Charlotte gave a small smile before cutting him off, “I actually see him there.” She headed off on her own giving a big smile as she held up the paper bag and soda cup for the older man to see. “Hey, Uncle Cub!” She forced a bright smile, lifting the bag of Popeyes as if it were a peace offering. But seeing him sitting there, older and thinner than she remembered, her heart clenched. “I hope you’re hungry.”