It wasn't lonely without Alice there. I’Ksha had made up most of the conversation in the car. Mainly about school, gossip that had spread about Hannah putting the newspaper on Lee’s locker and how everyone was ratting her out to the principal. It was nice to hear her talk. Lee tried to add to the conversation, staying quiet most of the time, but it wasn't odd or even acknowledged. It wasn't awkward. It was nice. 

I’ksha pulled into a small parking lot in front of a large house. It was an old two story house on the corner of a residential street just off a major road and the only thing that set it apart was a sign. A large hand with an eye in the center and swurling letters that spelled Mistique’s pointed to the main entrance on the corner of the building. I’Ksha entered first and Lee followed close behind. 

Inside the smell of incense was strong and the air above them was hazy. The shop was lit by various lamps, lanturns and hanging lights that gave the store a cozy warm glow. Mismatched rugs laid on the ground covering the wooden floor. Stacks of bookshelves lined the righthand side of the shop twisting into a small labyrinth of a library that led deep into a half hidden hallway. On the walls hung overlapping tapestries and mirrors that reflected the antique tables of crystals, and other items that filled the tabletops waiting to go home with their lucky buyer. Lee noticed brass bowls like the ones their mother had left in the attic boxon a table by the counter. Behind the counter was a young girl around Lee’s age. She had long straight black hair pulled over the shoulder of a pink flowery top and was sitting down reading deep into a novel. Something about her was familiar but Lee couldn't place where they knew her from. She smiled and perked up when she saw I’Ksha enter the store. 

“Oh wow, it's been a while!” the girl behind the counter beamed standing up and folding the corner of the page she had been reading.

I’Ksha politely smiled back at her, “Yeah...it has. I was actually wondering if you could help me with something,” she pointed behind her at Lee who was shifting on thier feet nervously.

The girl's expression dropped a moment looking at Lee. They could feel the scowel cut deep into them and they quickly averted thier eyes to the floor but, less than a second later, the girl was looking back at I'Ksha with a friendly fake customer service face. “Of course,” she directed at I’Ksha, ignoring Lee entirely, “What can I help you with?”

I’Ksha turned around to Lee and stepped to the side, “Lee this is Cassandra, Cassandra this is Lee. They need a little help with a book they found. We need some information about a very vague title of a spirit.”

'Cassandra' rang a bell and Lee remembered where they had seen this girl before. She had hung around Alice but they had a falling out a shortly before her death. Alice’s friends were never really all that interested in being friends with Lee, even when all things seemed to be going well. Often Lee would be invited to things, play games with a group of people or to go to the movies one moment and then suddenly everyone would just stop inviting Lee and block them out of the group entirely. Eventually everyone just seemed to be friends of Alice's and it was expected that Alice wasn't supposed to bring Lee with her. Lee didn't exactly have kind opinions of Cassandra but, it wasn't Lee’s friend to judge. So they bit their tongue. 

They spun thier backpack around and reached into it for thier mother's book but I’Ksha shook her head and handed Cassandra a slip of paper. “This is the name of the spirit, at least how it was referred to in the Bell Spell.”

Cassandra furrowed her brows at Lee. “You did a Bell Spell?”

Lee’s face burned with embarassment. They were beginning to think this was a bigger mistake than I’Ksha had let on. Their friend tapped the paper on the counter to attract Cassandra’s attention back to her. “They didn't know. It’s personal. Do you have anything on this?” 

Cassandra took the paper, looked it over quickly and headed over to the stacks of bookshelves, “ I don't recognize the name but I can get you a few titles I think will be helpful.” I’Ksha nodded and Cassandra dissapreared into the shelves. I'Ksha stayed at the counter so Lee did too. Their eyes darted around the room avoiding looking her. The awkward clunkiness that Lee often felt around others was back now. All the moments of silence in the car had felt good, like Lee and I’Ksha were on the same wavelength and just enjoying each other’s company. This felt uncomfortable. Cassandra was definetly mad about something that Lee had done but, they didnt know what it was. This wouldn't have been the first time that Lee didn't pick up on the sublty of others.

I’Ksha smiled at Lee and walked over to one of the tables, running her hand across hanging beads on the wall making them click against each other. She began to dig through a basket of different marble sized rocks. Lee was dying for this silence to end so they moved beside I’Ksha and started picking up some of the rocks as well. There were many of different colors, some pretty and others very plain. “Which one do you like the most?” they asked. I’Ksha thought about it and began digging through the basket with intent. Finally she pulled one out and showed it in the palm of her hand. It looked like a bubble. It was a bit clear though it had a foggy whitness throughout. The light bounced off of it into different colors with an iridescent sheen.

“This is Angel Light Quartz.” I'Ksha smiled down at it, holding it gently as if it could pop any second.

“It’s pretty.”

I’Ksha smiled, “Yeah but that’s not all it is good for. Some people think that crystals have the power to help us. I like to think of them as little reminders on what to think about and generate energy twords in life.”

“What does this one do?”

She laughed, “Aside from sitting in your pocket? It helps people remind themselves that there is inner beauty in everyone, and it also helps with reaching out to others.”

Lee looked up at I'Ksha's face,“What do you mean by reaching out?” 

“It helps people remember that they are not alone, or to try and not be alone.” She smiled down at the crystal and placed it gently back into the basket. Lee looked at her and something felt off. She was smiling and she didn't seem to change much as she reached for other items to look at but Lee could see a hollowness behind her eyes. Does she feel alone? Lee thought.

“Which one do you think would help me?” Lee asked jokingly, sticking their hand into the basket and swooshing the crystals back and forth with a satisfying sound. I’ksha looked back at them, the hollowness gone. She took a step back and brought a hand to her chin and acted like she was pondering, then pushed her glasses to the edge of her nose and looked Lee up and down. Lee laughed, a bit uncomfortable under her gaze but played into the moment and gave a small spin around. She smiled and quickly pulled two stones out. The first that she handed to Lee was purple and had grey lines running through it. 

“That is Amethyst. It is good for protection, which you may need right now but, I also would recommend this one." She handed Lee another striped crystal, similar to the other but pink in color. “This is rose quartz.”

“Isn't that ... a kids cartoon character?” Lee asked.

I’Ksha rolled her eyes. “Focus, we are not talking about cartoons, this is a whole separate thing.”

Lee grinned at her, “Ok well, what is this one’s job?”

“It’s 'job' is to help with relationships. To strengthen them.”

Lee looked down at the crystals I'Ksha had placed into thier hand. This felt like it was a little more than just a magical geology lesson. It felt kind of like a message. Lee placed the amethyst back into the basket and held onto the other stone with one hand and pulled out their wallet with the other. 

I’Ksha looked over, “What are you doing?”

Lee pulled out a $20 from their wallet. “I think I'm gonna get this one. Do they give change?”

The two heard some shuffling from the library area as Cassandra rounded the corner again with a stack of novels in her arms. She placed them down on the counter with a heavy thunk. “These are all the titles I have in stock on nature spirits and working with them along with an encyclopedia of different spirits and deities so if you land across a name, you may find it in there.” I’Ksha began looking at the book titles, placing them into two stacks as Cassandra snuck more looks over at Lee with a very stoney expression on her face. Lee looked at the floor. When I'Ksha was done there was a large stack to her right but only 3 books to her left, including the encyclopedia that Cassandra had mentioned.

“These are the only ones I don't have,” she told the sour girl. 

Cassandra rolled her eyes at I’Ksha but took the extra books off of the table and placed them behind the counter. She typed some numbers into an ipad and accounted for Lee’s crystal. Lee paid for the books and the crystal, it felt only fair since I’Ksha was helping them but they were way more than Lee thought they would have been. The two went to head back outside when I’Ksha stopped at the door. She unlocked the car again for Lee and pointed back inside. “I’ll be right out, I'm just going to talk to her really quick.” She disappeared back into the shop before Lee could say anything. 

In the car Lee nestled the bag of books between thier feet on the floor of the passanger seat and rolled the crystal between thier fingers inside thier jacket pocket. It couldn't hurt. Right? Lee wasn't good at making or keeping friends. Lee wasn't good at relationships in general. Their father was distant and while they knew he loved them sometimes things just felt too strained. Like they couldn't talk to each other. Their aunt they hadn't really seen in weeks, the past year since Alice died she had drawn back, just like when Lee’s mother, her sister, had died. Alice… well she was being Alice. As for I’Ksha, this was a good thing that they didnt want to mess up. 

“She is probably doing all of this just to amuse herself and laugh at you!" Fuck, maybe Alice had gotten into their head a bit. What if I'Ksha was in there now making fun of Lee for buying into all of this. What if they were planning on different ways they could spread around school that the local ‘medium’ was shopping in the witch store? The shop's door flew open and I’Ksha stormed out. She looked furious, Lee could almost see steam coming off her in the cold. She turned around and yelled something back inside before stomping over to the drivers door and getting in. Her gloved hands gripped the steering wheel tight. 

Lee paused for a moment and in a small voice they asked, “Are you ok?”

I’Ksha took a deep breath and slapped at the wheel, setting the horn off. She shook out her hands and turned to Lee, smiling tauntly. “Yeah, sorry, I'm ok.”

Lee nodded a bit and shrunk into themself.

I’Ksha furrowed her brow and looked forward again, biting at her lip. After a moment she spoke. “Sorry, just… Cass was being really fucking rude to you.”

Lee shifted in their seat. “It’s ok.”

“It’s not though.” I'Ksha shook her head. She dug into her jacket and pulled out a couple of crumpled bills, forcing them into Lee's hand. “She over charged you for the books, its a second hand book store, nothing is full price. She is kind of just- she is mean to anyone I'm with when I talk to her. She always just assumes that-” I'Ksha cleared her throat and turned her body to face Lee, catching thier eyes with her own.  “Not to come off as weird but, you went by a different name last year. I'm sorry if I'm being straightforward or assuming but, you're trans, right? You also don't have to answer this.”

Lee’s face grew red. They were out to their dad and had insisted on the name change with their teachers and the counclors at the begining of the school year but they had never come out to their classmates. Alice had known, she had known since they were 13 years old, she was even were there for them when they went through their detransition phase and held them as they cried in their 8th grade graduation dress. But as far as pronouns and coming out, it was really only Alice, Dad and Aunt V. Lee knew from online that coming out was something you had to do over and over again but they were caught off gard. I’Ksha didn't look mad though, she looked worried. Her brows were knitted and she looked ... scared. Like maybe she had offended them. She didn't read them wrong though and she hadn't said it in a way that made it feel like she was hoping it wasn't true. Lee rolled the crystal in thier pocket again. Trust.

Lee took a shaky breath in and nodded. “I’m nonbinary, I use they/them pronouns.” it felt good to say it out loud to a new person.

I’Ksha nodded. “Ok, I’m sorry, I guessed you were safe because you didn't even question the cafe I asked you to meet me at, but I wanted to make sure.” She held her hand out gesturing to the shop. “Cass is my ex. She thinks anyone I bring around is my new partner,” she looked shyly at Lee. 

“Oh.” OH. Cassandra thought that they were dating. That I’Ksha and Lee were dating. Dating. Lee could feel thier face burning.

I’Ksha wiped her eyes under her glasses, shaking off frustration. “I'm sorry that she was mean to you.”

Lee shrunk into their jacket, “It’s ok.” Did that mean that Cassandra thought that Lee would be the kind of person I”Ksha would date? The kind of person she would like? Lee was very happy that Alice was not here. 

“,,, do you want to go home?” I'Ksha asked after a moment. Lee looked at the clock. It was almost 9. It felt like it was too early to go home, they wanted to spend all night just talking, hanging out in the car. It felt like a separate little peaceful world. Yes , it was mildly awkward but it was nice. Lee glanced over at her. She was typing into her phone, the blue glow bounced off of her glasses and illuminated her face. She mouthed a small "oh" raising her brows and turned her phone towards Lee and showed them the screen. It was social media post from the school district. Schools would be closed the next day. Lee had not noticed that the snow had gotten this bad but seeing it outside there was a good foot already coating the ground and more was falling. The city usually did everything they could to plow the roads but sometimes, very rarely, there was a snow day. 

“If it’s ok with you, my house is closer.” I’Ksha started up the car. “ I'm sorry for dragging you across town. I can drop you off at home but my place is only a block away.”

It felt like a weak excuse. It would only take maybe 10 minutes to drive Lee home and back, Lee could even walk home from here and make it there in reasonable time, even though they would get cold. It felt like I'Ksha didn't want to say goodbye yet either.  

“Yeah, your place is fine.”