Kris let go of his friend. He felt angry and confused, but he pushed his feelings aside and turned to Yrla. The poor guy. With trembling hands, he fastened his pants. Guilt burned in Kris's stomach. Should he have seen this coming? Nish had never gone this far; he didn’t understand where it had come from. Kris wasn’t even entirely sure if Yrla really liked him, and he had been keeping an eye on his friend to be there for him if he got rejected. Not for a moment had he thought that he would assault the younger boy. Anger flared up again. He gave a quick squeeze in Yrla's shoulder. "I'm sorry, kid. I—I don't know him like this."

Yrla stared at the ground. He probably wanted nothing more to do with him.

Kris looked around, searching for someone who could take care of the boy. Most people didn’t seem to have noticed—fights around this time weren’t exactly new, and the "fun" part was already over. From a distance, however, he did see Dezi watching them. He didn’t like her—she was someone who was always out for her own gain, and even now she had a calculating look as if she were wondering how to profit from this. Still, she and Ryan were the only Panthers—the only ones who knew the boy at all.

Kris stepped up to her and grabbed her by the arm. His eyes bored into hers. "You saw it, didn’t you?"

She looked at him defiantly. "Maybe."

With a growl, he tightened his grip until he saw pain flash across her face. "No games, you stupid bitch. Take care of your housemate and get him home. If you tell anyone what you saw, I'll break all your fucking bones."

She huffed and pulled her arm back. "If I help him, it’s because I know him and he’s my housemate. Not because your threats scare me, freak."

"Fine," he muttered. He shoved her away.

After Dezi and Yrla had left, he dragged Nish outside to a bench on the edge of the party grounds. There were only two other people outside; otherwise, he would have looked for another spot. But this place was hard to find, and he didn’t want to have to focus on the guards as well. He had dumped Nish on the bench, but he felt too restless to sit down himself. There was a huge knot in his stomach. That his friend had assaulted someone was one thing, but it had sounded like Kris had somehow triggered it.

Finally, he sat down next to his friend in frustration. Everyone did stupid things when they were drunk. He didn’t want to judge Nish too harshly—not until he knew exactly what was going on.

"Did you really not notice that he didn’t want it?" he asked hesitantly. Maybe Nish had just gotten carried away by the alcohol and lust. That didn’t make it right, but at least he would understand his friend.

Nish shrugged and stared at the ground. "I thought he would enjoy it. That he was just nervous."

It sparked indignation. "If he’s nervous, you don’t keep going, do you? You make sure he feels comfortable first!" he snapped. "It was in public—that boy had no idea what was happening!"

Nish was silent for a while. "Did you feel something?"

"Did I feel something?" Kris repeated. "Don’t you see how angry I am? What’s wrong with you, man?"

"That’s not what I mean," Nish muttered. "I—I..." He rubbed his face. "Didn’t it remind you of something? I just wanted—you to remember...to remember..."

"Remember what?!"

"Remember us, Kris! This wasn’t any different from what we did, was it? Don’t you remember that night after the Summer Festival?"

"Of course I remember," he replied, irritated. "But how can you compare that to this? We had been friends for a long time, we were both unsure about our sexuality, and we wanted to try something. You can’t compare that to Yrla! That boy didn’t want it, and certainly not in public!"

"It wasn’t about Yrla, it was about you! I wanted you to realize that you have feelings for me too. That you—that you want me."

After that confession, Kris was silent. There was a lot of anger in him because Nish had used the boy, but he was also shocked that Nish’s feelings for him had led to something as desperate as an assault.

"You're in love with me?" he asked, stunned. "Still?"

He knew the answer, especially after what Nish had just said, but part of him just didn’t want to believe it.

"Yes," he muttered. "For years. Fucking years. And all that time, you chose Fox over me. Do you have any idea how that feels? We were best friends—and suddenly that flirty prick comes along, and you drop me. And I don’t get—I just don’t get how you can feel anything for him! He’s annoying and stupid, and he acts like a fucking toddler. Your whole relationship is a joke. Everyone whispers behind your back about how ridiculous it is, and you just don’t see it!"

Kris snorted. "It’s hard to take such words seriously from someone who’s obviously jealous."

Nish clenched his fists. "That’s not true! Everyone thinks you’re an absurd couple."

"So what? Let them think what they want; what do I care?" He turned to Nish. "Listen, Nish—I feel bad for you that you have these feelings for me, but I’ve been with Fox for over two years, and I haven’t regretted it for a second. I love him," he emphasized. "I love him more than anyone else, and I’m sorry that hurts you. But that’s just how it is."

"Then I'll make sure he disappears."

Kris’s shoulders tensed. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," Nish said quickly. "I—I wasn’t thinking. Sorry. It’s the alcohol and—sorry, I just don’t know what’s wrong with me." Suddenly, tears started to slide down his cheeks. "I love you so much, Kris. More than he does. Are you—are you really sure you don’t want to be more than friends? Maybe you just don’t realize it. You need to feel that...that..."

Nish leaned in and kissed him full on the mouth.

Kris pushed him away. "Stop it. I don’t want to be more than friends, Nish. I—I don’t even know if I still want to be friends with you."

"W-what?" Nish stammered.

"I don’t recognize you anymore. All those hateful comments about my boyfriend are one thing, and I’ve put up with them for long enough, but now you’ve assaulted someone to get my attention? I find it disgusting. You’re no longer the guy I became friends with years ago. Your jealousy has turned you into a monster."

It hurt to say those words, but it was true. He didn’t know this boy anymore. He had felt for a long time that they were growing apart, and now he realized it was because of Nish’s feelings for him.

He stood up, but Nish jumped up too.

"You can’t just push me aside like that! You’re my best friend."

"Maybe," Kris replied curtly. "But you’re no longer mine."

Nish shoved him backward, so unexpectedly that Kris fell onto the bench.

"You’ll regret this," he snarled. "If I can’t have you, no one can!"

"Go sleep it off, Nish." He sighed wearily. "You have no idea what you’re saying and doing."

Nish spat at his feet. "Go to hell. All this time I’ve let myself be sidelined. Now I’m done. I deserve better than you."

"Whatever." Kris couldn’t follow his thoughts anymore. He wanted to be angry; he wanted to be disappointed, but all he saw was his best friend walking away, knowing he wouldn’t come back. He might not be in love with him, but after Fox, he was the most important person in his life.

And now he had lost him.

Near the exit of the grounds, Nish stopped. Someone said something to him. When a cloud moved away from the moon, he saw that it was Zebediah. His stomach tightened, and he stared angrily at the boy, who fixed his gaze on him and then smirked.