Kinsley

A person can't love somebody one day and then not love them the next. It's not possible. If it were possible, it wasn't a genuine love. Jace loves me—deeply and truly loves me. The immersed glow I've observed in his eyes each occasion he's confessed those wonderful, special words makes it impossible for him to deny.

I know I made a mistake, and he's mad at me, but it's not as bad as he's making it out to be. He just needs time, a few days, to realize that it was just a stupid incident. The sharp, throbbing spasm of pain I feel in my head that comes with the slightest movements of my body will keep me from ever repeating it. I keep breaking into a cold sweat, struggling not to gag.

I ball the thick cotton washcloth in my palm, turn on the cold water, and hold my hand underneath it before slapping the icy, soaked rag on top of my head as I slowly lay back in the bathtub, letting the cold wetness drain down my scalp, neck, and face. My head hurts too much to worry about Jace's assertion right now. 

Relief is nowhere. Sighing and moaning, I muster enough energy to slosh myself out of the tub and crawl over to the toilet, dripping water all over the red brick-patterned linoleum floor. I dry heave as quietly as I can until some disgusting yellow fluid from my dehydrated, nauseous stomach makes its way from my mouth. I feel like I'm dying.

Toweling off, I wipe up the floor, get dressed, and haul myself out of the bathroom, meeting Talan in the hallway.

"Good. You took a shower," Talan says in a voice loaded with confrontational sarcasm.

I push my way by him, holding on to my aching head. As if I'm not feeling tortured enough, he follows me into my bedroom, refusing to realize my ignoring him means I want him to leave me alone. I can already tell he isn't going to go away, nor do I deserve that courtesy. The sooner the tirade is over, the better. "I'm sorry, Talan," I say, finding my way to the bed, sadness and regret already threatening tears from my eyes.

"Kinsley, what the hell were you thinking?" He glares, disappointment and anger apparent in his scowl. "What the hell would you have done if Amalia and I weren't there?"

Weary and without a single ounce of fight in me, I frown. There is no excuse for my idiocy—no acceptable defense—but I attempt to explain, anyway. "I wouldn't have done it if you weren't there, Talan. Honest. I felt safe enough to try it because you and Amalia were there."

Regardless of how ridiculous my reasoning sounds coming from my lips, after the fact, my claim is essentially the truth.

"Pfft..." He huffs with a roll of his eyes. "Don't give me that crap, Kinsley. Do you realize how much trouble you almost got us all into?"

I close my eyes and hang my head in shame, wondering how I could have been so thoughtless, especially after I'd promised him I wouldn't do anything stupid.

Everyone was having so much fun, though. I didn't think a few forced-down gulps of the nasty-tasting mix Mallory gave me would hurt me, and they didn't. Not at first. I waited to feel some difference but took more gulps when that difference didn't come soon enough. The next thing I knew, I was sloppily hanging on Jace, barely holding myself up, if even that.

"Because you're too mentally weak to just say no!" He sounds every bit like a parent, like Mom and Dad.

He's right. I was too weak to say no. I let the condescending eyes ogling me—for not drinking—pressure me. I felt like I was telegraphing my young age when I only wanted to fit in with the crowd. Oh. I became part of the crowd, all right, the worst part of the crowd. I became the entertainment and joke of the night.

Why didn't I just leave?

Each remark Talan makes lifts the guilt inside me a little higher up my throat.

"I've been there a few times. You didn't see me getting drunk, stumbling all over the place, and puking my guts out!"

I squeeze my eyelids closed and utter in a soft voice. "I know, Talan."

My shame sends tears dripping down my cheeks, so I bury my head in my hands to let him finish his rant, supposing my actions justify his anger. He quiets as I sniffle.

"Kinsley." His tone is gentler.

I lift my head, wiping my eyes.

"You better never do that again." His stare is hard. "Jace better never take you there again. He got lucky this time!"

"Don't worry. He won't." I'm unable to control the breaking of my voice as I lay flat against the bed. I can't hold back the sorrow any longer and burst out crying. "He dumped me, Talan. Jace doesn't want to see me anymore. He said he didn't want the 'babysitting' responsibility." 

Talan blinks in surprise, and his scolding facial wrinkles ease away.

"And whatever you're thinking of saying, Talan, don't. I don't want to hear it!" I sob, glaring. I'm projecting some blame for my hurting on him, but I don't care. "Just go!"

I doubt he has any words of comfort for me. He never liked me going out with Jace. Nobody did. The thought of everyone being happy about our break-up hurts.

Talan drops his gaze to the carpet. "Sorry, Kinsley, but you're right. I have nothing helpful to say about that." He lifts his head. Despite his words, I see he's not void of compassion as he offers his uninvited opinion. "Jace's almost eighteen. He really is too old for you."

The silent tears fall harder. Burying my head with my arms, waiting for the door to close behind him, I free them. After a few more moments pass, it occurs to me that the sounds of his presence continue. I open my eyes, wiping them. Talan is leaning against my dresser with the oddest smirk curled on his lips. He says, "Besides, according to you, you love someone else."

Erik, with his arm around me, flashes in my mind. I gasp and stiffen with recollection. "Oh, my freaking ... I remember!"

I have the intention of sitting up, but the sharp pang of my hangover stabs me in the brain, forcing me to hold still and relax on the bed. I reach for the pillow beside me and smother the visible humiliation burning in my face, horrified.

Talan's enjoyment increases as more bits of the night pour into the broad daylight of my consciousness.

"Oh, no! What am I going to do now?" I hate my senselessness more and search for a comforting thought to help me save face the next time I see Erik. "He has to know I wasn't in my right mind."

"As the wise and well-versed Dean Swifthawk has spoken on several occasions, 'drunken words are sober thoughts,'" he mimics in his dad's voice, then laughs without remorse.

Embarrassed, I follow with my laughter. It takes my mind off Jace.

"Okay. Give me a break now, Talan," I say, giving him a smile as I stew in my embarrassment.

He literally gives me a break when he tells me not to worry about it. Erik understood my mindless intoxication. Talan also reminds me that Erik never had the fortune or misfortune of hearing Dean's insightful words of wisdom, depending on how one might see it.

"Did you talk to Amalia this morning?" he asks more seriously.

"Yes ... She tore into me, too."

"Did she tell you anything else?"

Sure of the conversation, I say, "Just a little."

"Did she tell you I kissed her?"

Live excitement sparks from him. I roll my eyes. He's worse than Amalia. But even though I'm not in a joyous mood, I decide the least I could do—after letting him down and almost getting us grounded for life—is to rise above my self-pity for his sake.

They had planned to keep it a secret from everyone, and here they were, both champing at the bit to spread the word after less than twenty-four hours. Tempted to tease Talan and make him sweat a little, I narrow my eyes. "No. She never told me you kissed her."

He flinches, getting a puzzled maybe-Amalia-doesn't-want-Kinsley-to-know straightness to his face. I hold my face expressionless and finish with: "What Ama said was ... that you guys made out!"

He flaunts a huge grin, and I'm glad to see him with so much happiness—him and Amalia both, but remember and imagine Kade's devastation hovering over the horizon. "Are you going to tell Kade?" I ask, hearing noticeable sorrow in my question.

He nods, then sighs, frowning in worry. "But not until after the boxing match next weekend. I'm helping him train for it, and that won't continue if he's pissed off at me. I won't mess with his head before a match, especially this one."

I agree with Talan's intention. Every New Sable boxer is passionate about the hometown win. They give their all during the yearly local match. It's one of the few area boxing events for them to showcase their skills in front of those they know. The boxing gym had existed in New Sable forever, and most of the dads and grandfathers boxed themselves at some point. The entire community and a vast New Sable crowd show up to support them, and the guys always make it well worth anyone's time to attend.

"That's a good idea." I rub my temples in pain—physical head-hurting pain for myself and emotional heart-hurting pain for me and my brother. But I gave my word to Talan and plan to abide by it. He and Amalia have waited long enough for this relationship and deserve it.

After experiencing firsthand how it feels for people to interfere in my love life, I realized nobody had the right to stand between two people who want to be together—two people in love—not even my brother.

New feelings of misery arch up inside of me. I attempt to push them away. As he's about to leave the room, Talan pauses at the door. "It hurts, doesn't it? Uh ... you and Jace," he says in a way that causes me to believe he can see the tears I'm hiding versus the idea that he may have been speaking from experience.

I nod, even though half of the pain he's witnessing comes from thoughts of Kade's soon-to-be-damaged heart and pride. I hope he assumes it's my heartache written all over my face.

"Sorry," he says, then closes the door behind him.

After he leaves, I lay on my bed, thinking about my conversation with Kade about Amalia weeks before Talan came home.

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel already? Kiss her and tell her how you feel now."

"I will when the time's right. What? Do you think I'm worried about her going out with that douche? She's not excited about it, so I don't know why she accepted the date. But I bet you know. Don't you?"

I mentally kicked myself for opening the conversation up to the very line of questioning I always tried so hard to avoid. "Who knows why she does the things she does."

"Whatever," he snapped. His voice softened, and with a question in his eyes, he said, "I really think Ama likes me, though."

I answered truthfully and with a smile. "I think Ama likes you, too," I added, 'But she loves Talan,' in my mind, and I frowned deep inside as I thought the words. 

Whether Amalia realizes it, she has an attraction to Kade. I witnessed enough close interactions between them to know it. Kade spent more time with her this summer than I had, and they treated each other with so much kindness. They're always chipper and laughing when together. It's just that a thick layer of intense Talan love conceals her feelings for him.

Kade sensed it, too. It was why he couldn't give up. I had hoped he would call her on it before it was too late, but her behavior could be baffling. It was no wonder why he didn't. Her actions didn't always match her words, and her words didn't always match her feelings. Not that she's dishonest; she just isn't always in touch with her inner Amalia. She keeps guys away with her guardedness and body language. I think it's part of some subconscious defense mechanism.

I suspected Talan could also see this attraction between her and Kade when I sometimes caught him staring at them with jealous eyes, which I assumed is why he backed off for so long. That's all over now.

Being twins, Kade and I shared pages of firsts together. If Jace doesn't forgive me soon, we'll share another one. The simple realization brings a new flow of tears from my eyes. Jace has to forgive me. It's the only way I can be there for Kade, one hundred percent. I brush my tears away, reminding myself that Jace loves me, and then close my eyes to nap.