Laying in bed, the days mashed together, honestly; I had no clue what day it even was. I knew it had been days though, because Nonna had been laid to rest and the funeral had been completed. Multiple knocks had gone unanswered, and I was dying to see my daughter, but deep inside I knew I could not look after her right now. The guilt was eating me alive, and I was ignoring everyone while I tried to figure out how to handle my emotions.

The hardest hit ones by this were Alexi and our mother. I had shut them both out and refused to allow them in. I had even gone so far as the push a bookcase up against the door so that they couldn’t just break inside.

The only one I felt the need to speak to was Maddox, and that was only because I felt like I was failing him by ignoring my job. But he urged me to grieve and see the good doctor if I was struggling and needed a lent ear. But frankly, that doctor had enough on his plate without me, so I refused the need for him.

Getting up out of the bed, I winced as my ribs ached. I knew I should get them looked at, but I didn’t want to have to see Alessio. I didn’t want to give him the chance to be alone with me. He would want to comfort me and tell me it wasn’t my fault, but I wasn’t ready to hear that.

 Against my better judgement and my longing for my daughter, I pushed the bookcase out of the way and headed to Alexi and Creed’s wing. Without my phone, I had no choice but to knock. Alexi opened the door and looked amused to see me outside his door.

“Want to come in?” He asked, and I nodded. “Just keep your voice low. Creed and she are napping on the couch. She’s been really touchy with Creed and I, so Alessio and I have been taking turns with her at night. She needs you, Nikki. You’re her father.”

“I know.” I said, quietly. “I’ll take her home tonight. Just let me clean up the house, I---”

“I’ll bring her home tomorrow or the day after. Tonight, just call our fucking mother, Nikki. She’s fretting about you. I had to stop her from beating on your door the other night.” Alexi said, and when I sat down in the kitchen chair, he made a point to hit my ribs. “Get those looked at too, you damn idiot.”

“I’m sorry.” I muttered and felt emotions rising in me again. Alexi reached out and wrapped his arms around me. He held me tighter than he ever had before. “She wouldn’t want to see you like this, Nikki. She wouldn’t blame you, so don’t blame yourself.”

The words ‘I know’ were there, but I found it hard to say. Carefully, I made my way to the living room to have a look at my daughter. Seeing her curled up on Creed made me smile. Her love for ‘Uncle Creed’ was never ending. She put him above plenty of people, I was sure, even above me. I often wondered if I should have given her to them when she was a baby. The idea made my chest hurt, but it was moments like this that

I felt like I made a mistake.

“Creed has a club round tonight with Blondie, so I’ll send him over before he leaves to let you know about when I’ll give her back.” Alexi said quietly.

Thinking about it for only a moment, I turned to Alexi. “I’ll take his club round tonight.”

“Nikki---”

“Please. I need something more than just sitting in my wing. So many days have passed since… that day, I don’t even know how many days it’s been. I just…”

“Nikki, it’s been ten days. If you need more time, for God’s sake, take it. No one is expecting you to just bounce back after what happened. You missed her funeral, and our uncle could hardly focus on burying his mother. He was more worried about you.” Alexi said, and I felt even worse. He frowned, and I knew he had figured out I was feeling even worse now.

“Alexi… it was my fault. I knew the road was bad, and it was unsafe. I knew I should have turned around or pulled over and waited, but Nonna told me to just drive slowly.” I said, and my shoulders sagged, and Alexi grabbed me and pulled me out of the living room. “Huh?”

“Hold on, we are going for a walk.” Alexi said, as he slipped on shoes and shoved a pair of flip-flops at me. “Put these on.”

Slipping them on my feet, Alexi walked me towards the garage, and I hesitated. I was scared that he wanted me to face Andrei, but when we reached the garage, it was empty. He pulled me with him as he walked to the spot where he normally had his car parked. Opening the door, his car wasn’t there. Inside was the mess of my car, or what was left of it.

“Do you understand how lucky you are to be alive, Nikki? The accident team was baffled that you were alive and moving.” Alexi confessed, and I could tell he was being serious with me.

“The man who hit us, the truck driver. What happened to him?” I asked, and Alexi pulled his hand through his hair. He looked like he was looking for the right words to explain something to me.

“So, Andrei and Mom have Theo going after the driver with everything that they can. Not just for Nonna, but for you. At the moment, Sasha has informed us that there are a few charges they are going after, but careless driving and vehicular manslaughter are the big two.”

“What do you know I don’t?” I asked, and Alexi frowned again.

“The driver, he was texting, among other things, including speeding in dangerous conditions.” Alexi said.

Dragging my fingers along the car, anger filled me to the brim. I wanted to kill this man. I knew Alexi wouldn’t let me; he had promised our mother not to let me take another’s life, ever. But this surely had to warrant the taking of a life.

“Nikki?” he called for me, and I turned around, digging my nails into my palms as I squeezed my hands into fists.

“Alexi. I want him dead. He deserves to die too. I----” Alexi grabbed me again and pulled me against his chest, and I knew he wasn’t a hugger, so this was something special. He wouldn’t let me pull out of the hug, either.

“Andrei and I will deal with that. Trust us. But not you.” Alexi said, carefully, not really watching out for my ribs, but I guess that was my karma for not getting them properly treated.

“What happens to everything Nonna left behind, Alexi? The dinner, the house…” I let my voice trail off, feeling empty, just thinking about it all being gone.

“I think we Mihails can go on, Nikki. Nonna left us all something, but she also made sure that everyone had a job to keep this family hanging on. Lukas and Andrei are supposed to carry on the dinner traditions. Matteo is supposed to carry on the diner for her. There’s a bunch of things that are supposed to get split up between us all, but the house was left to Andrei and Lukas, and Gabe.”

“She had a will?” I asked, and he nodded.

“It was updated recently too. Twenty grand was set aside for your daughter, and Lev and Alessio’s child. Seems she was wondering how long she had left and wanted to make sure everyone had something,” Alexi said, finally letting me go.

I heard the garage door opener, and sunlight flooded in on the side of the garage where Lukas parked his fancy car. I could hear them speaking as they got out, closing the doors. Alexi moved to block Andrei’s view of me, but I stepped around him and out into the main part of the garage.

Andrei was trying to give Lukas a kiss, but he stuck his hand up after spotting me and blocked the kiss. “Lukas what-----”

“Nikki.”

Andrei turned around, and he looked me over. He was taking his time to scan over me, but I was sure it was some kind of parental instinct in him. He treated all of us like his child. Alessio, Alexi, Matteo, Gabe and I. 

“I have half a mind to beat you up,” Andrei said, breaking the silence. But I knew this was his way, but it didn’t stop Lukas from grumbling at him about it.

“I’m sorry.” I said, biting back more tears. I didn’t want to cry anymore.

“You shut us all out, and you were suffering on your own. Nikki, it wasn’t your fault, and you need to know not one of us blames you for that accident. Your brother refused to let any of us break in and force you out,” Andrei said, and you could see the pain on his face. He stepped closer, and he held me even tighter than Alexi had.

“Ribs…” I whined, and he loosened his grip. I didn’t miss the look of annoyance on his face that was slowly morphing there, getting stronger.

“You need to go to the medical centre and get those looked at now. Your brother should have taken you there first.” Andrei hissed, and I saw the look he gave Alexi.

“Calm down, old man. I was on my way there with him next. I just wanted him to see the point I wanted to make,” Alexi said, before tucking his hands into his pockets. “Let’s go see our least favourite cousin,” he said, and pulled me with him.

“I don’t have a least favourite cousin. Alessio and I are on good terms. This is the first time I’ve refused medical treatment. You do all the time. We are different.” I muttered, not telling a single lie there.