Eve continued to put effort into staying sober by keeping up with all the small changes she had made in her daily habits. Staying sober was difficult, but having set routines and habits that could be tracked, was something that helped Eve. Being able to keep busy and work towards being healthier and healing was her priority. Soon her focus started to shift more and more as she felt better both mentally and physically. She started wanting to reach out to Irene and she felt she was in a place where she could handle it, but just barely, the break up still felt like an open wound in some ways. Despite Eve being hurt by the words Irene had said and at the same time knowing her own actions had hurt Irene to the point that she had had to say them, she desperately wanted to make things right between them - she wanted to show Irene that she could rely on her and that they could make it through this. Eve felt that maybe it was selfish of her to put this burden on Irene, that Irene would have to deal with her wavering sobriety forever…addiction wasn’t something you ever really healed from completely, she knew that it would be something she had to struggle with for the rest of her life, but she also couldn’t imagine doing it without Irene by her side. Getting clean without Irene was the hardest thing she had ever had to do and she didn’t know if she could keep doing it without at least the hope that Irene would one day be hers again. Eve missed her so much, each day without her was agony. She wondered if Irene felt the same or if she really was completely done with Eve? Eve understood if she was, some days she was so done with herself she just wanted to disappear, to never have existed at all. 

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Eve felt she couldn’t put off reaching out to Irene any longer. Each day that passed she felt they were drifting further apart. Eve gathered all her courage, not the liquid kind, and asked Irene for a chance to talk. Eve could tell Irene was hesitant, but there must have been something in her voice that pulled at Irene’s heartstrings because she agreed to meet up to talk. 

Eve’s eyes watered the moment she saw Irene and she almost called off the whole thing - how could she bare her wretched soul and her innermost fears to someone who might not want her anymore? What if Irene didn’t have any love left for her? But as Irene met her gaze all Eve’s worries melted away like snow in spring, there was something so reassuring about her kind eyes and endless patience, Eve knew that if she only could tell her everything Irene would understand and be there for her, even if they didn’t get back together. They had been together for a decade, there was a bond between them that couldn’t be broken so easily. They were weaved together by a million little moments and memories, even if the fabric was fraying at the seams, Eve was convinced it could still be mended. So, she sat Irene down and after some slightly awkward small talk Irene asked what Eve had called her for. 

“I can’t imagine you called me just to talk about the weather…”, Irene finally said in a still voice and with a melancholic look on her face, silently urging Eve to get to the point.

“You’re right.”, Eve took a deep breath, “A lot has happened and I know it’s probably too late, but I wanted to tell you everything I haven’t been able to say.”. It was time for Eve to spill her guts rather than her drink and she did. Eve told Irene everything she had been struggling with and been through, starting from her realizing that her relationship with alcohol was far from normal, to her winding up in the hospital nearly overdosing and ending with what she had learned about herself in rehab and how she was doing now. Eve felt a huge relief, like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, as she finally was able to let everything out. She allowed her tears to flow down her cheeks freely, letting them wash her clean better than a shower ever could have. She had never been much of a crier before she got sober, after she got sober, however, she was convinced she had cried more than all the times in her life combined. 

Irene cried too, for Eve and everything she had been dealing with on her own, now realizing that this was something that had been culminating for years; all the times she drank until she passed out, got high in the club bathroom or just wanted to have “one glass for dinner” of wine, that always ended up being a whole bottle. All the shaky hands and red rimmed eyes, the hazy memories and abnormally strong perfumes - they were all warning signs she had ignored. So, Irene cried for herself too, for not doing something sooner, saying something, helping, when deep down she knew her girlfriend’s behavior wasn’t quite right. The blood on her hands from pricking her fingers from stitching them back together she had so righteously talked about when she broke up with Eve, she now felt was all over her hands from enabling Eve’s addiction by looking the other way each time something seemed off, by ignoring the red flags and warning signs. Irene felt she should have been there for Eve, as her girlfriend she should have been someone Eve felt comfortable enough to open up to about it earlier, someone who helped her through it. 

Irene and Eve talked well into the night, they poured their hearts out to each other about all the feelings and thoughts they had kept to themselves. Eve’s courage to entrust Irene with her story of her addiction had opened the floodgates and out rushed all the things that had been left unsaid over the years, all the things that had led them to their numerous break ups and hurt feelings, but also all the things they loved about each other and all the things that had brought them back together each time they were apart. They vowed to be better and do better for each other, realizing that leaving important feelings unspoken would only lead to resentment and insecurity. They fell asleep together on Eve’s bed, heart-to-heart, just like their conversation. 

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All the tears they had shared left them with a clean slate, with a renewed trust in each other and in themselves, with hope for the future and with a deep love that never really had faded throughout the decade they had been together. They now felt they understood each other better and that they had learned from their time apart. 

Eve and Irene took it slow as they got together again. Navigating the relationship after gaining new perspectives and learning more about each other, as well as dealing with Eve’s sobriety and avoiding falling into old habits was hard, but they went through it together. Even after knowing each other for ten years, they still had more to learn about each other. They were different people now than they had been when they first met in high school.