Chapter 4. Not Dead

I was not the most exceptionally good-looking man in my previous life. Plain dark hair, similarly plain face. A broke student like myself couldn't even afford to get fat, so I was pretty lean. Perhaps that was why I died so easily, taken out by a cheap car.

And then, I woke up in this body. 

Eyes like the blood of the sweetest cherries. Black hair parted down the middle, falling gracefully in straight strands over a sharp gaze. I bet it'll look good if I grow it out. Tall, sharp jawline, and some muscle.

Maybe, I had a chance in this life, I thought. 

That was until I realised that in a romance novel, romance was reserved for the main characters. And so, I sat back, watching the plot unfold, silently as a reader would. I would live my new life quietly, go unnoticed, like the faceless and untalking person in the background. 

Dying at twenty-four wasn't part of the plan. 

My eyes blurred open, the bright light making me shut them again immediately. I blinked a few times before my vision adjusted. A familiar ceiling stared back at me. My mind stirred. Did I die? Was I sent back in time to the novel's beginning? 

No... It took a moment longer to realise it was my ceiling in Benesse Castle. I sat up slowly, a dull ache at the bottom of my head. I was in my bed, in my room. In the corner was my wardrobe, my table, my plants on the window. Even my hair- still shoulder-length. And my hands, still calloused.

I was in the present. 

How long had it been since I'd crashed at the Temple?

I stood up, a thousand needles pricking my legs and a thousand more when my foot hit the ground. My body felt slack. Once more I fell to the ground, my head dizzying. 

"Sir Asher!" I heard a high voice call. Suddenly my face was being held, gently, with small pink hands. My head was drawn up, my eyes forced to meet green ones. Chestnut brown hair in pigtails and a maid's dress. 

Oh, I know her...? 

Before I could place a name to the familiar girl's face, her hands patted my head. She checked my forehead with the back of her hand, a look of concern on her face. She sighed, relieved.

"You don't have a fever, at least." she said. "I'll get the physician! Please rest for now, Sir Asher." She smiled, her cheeks pinking. I stopped her as she stood, an awkward smile stretching my lips. 

'Actually... Could you get me something else...?'

***

'Would you like a third plate, Asher?' Javier stared at me from across the small table. An empty plate was in front of me, after I had gorged down a roasted chicken leg, potatoes, vegetables, drizzled in gravy. For the second time. I stiffened, clearing my throat. 

'N-No, thank you, Vice Captain.' 

Javier let out an exasperated sigh, scratching his head.

'I don't mean it in a bad way, Asher. You were out for three days. Have three days worth of meals.' He gave me a look, as if observing me. If I was being honest, I could have eaten that much easily. My stomach still felt empty, like a starved wolf. And that hollow feeling was making my head feel light. I had never felt this level of hunger before. Was it even possible?

Javier called the maid to bring another plate. The same maid who had been there when I'd woken up. I remembered her name as Marie. She worked on the floor of the knights quarters, and had come by my room many times before.

'Thanks.' I said to her as she placed the plate down. She bowed, blushing again. I couldn't tell if she was just shy... or maybe, she actually liked me. 

Sorry, Marie. You're a little young for me.

Javier dismissed her, and she left the room quietly. Then he spoke. 

'The physician says there's nothing wrong with you.' There was a hint of suspicion in his voice. Once I had woken up, the physician had done a check-up on me. And after what was essentially a three-day coma, I was in seemingly perfect health. A miracle, he called it. 'The effect of being on Temple grounds.' Could it have really been that?

'Well... I feel fine...' I uttered unsurely, actually feeling more fine than ever. For three days, Javier and the physician had been checking on me. It was as though I were asleep, yet I wouldn't wake up.

And I didn't remember anything from that time either.

'I apologise. I must have caused you trouble.' I said, bowing my head with an uncomfortable face. Javier narrowed his eyes. 

'Don't apologise. That isn't what I meant.' He sighed.

 He looked up at me, with careful eyes. Just what had I done to earn that look...

'... You kept saying it hurts.' Javier said, his voice serious. I met his dull eyes, blinking. 'Writhing on the ground, clutching at your heart. You wouldn't stop saying how much it hurt.' 

'It hurts! It hurts...!' 

Had I done that?

'I... don't remember, if I'm honest.' I smiled hesitantly. My memories were another mystery. I remembered everything clearly up until the point I crashed. And the pain. Then suddenly it was black.

The look on Javier's face made me uneasy. That troubled face, as though I were a child in distress. Then suddenly he let out a sigh, rubbing his neck as he looked away.

'Yeah, you cried like a baby.'

'I remember feeling like death, but I most certainly didn't cry, Vice Captain.' I tilted my head with a pursing smile, refusing to accept that version of events.

'You did so.' He said indifferently. I subtly clenched my fist. 

'I did not-' 

'I was there. You were snivelling as though you were 6 years old. I almost felt bad for you. Like a mother pities her child-'

'I understand, Vice Captain.'

Javier scoffed as I fell silent in defeat. It's no use going up against him, I thought solemnly. He stood up, his chair grating loudly on the wooden floor. He talked as he walked, heading towards the door. Then he stopped, his hand resting on the door handle.

'Asher.' He said. Ah, he turned serious again. I looked up at him from my seat. 

'The physician said there's nothing wrong with your heart. But I still don't understand why that happened. All of a sudden, too.' His eyes gazed absently, thinking. It must have been shocking to watch me collapse out of the blue. I was perfectly fine until that moment. 

Right up until the end of the novel. 

I thought I really died because the novel ended. Yet here I am. Not only that, I feel even better. As though the air was fresher. My mind was clearer, everything seemed brighter. 

Because the novel ended...?

I must have had a distracted face, lost in my thoughts.

'What are you thinking, Asher?' Javier asked. An unfounded confidence echoed behind my voice.

'I think... I'll be fine.' I said clearly. Javier stared for a moment, and then nodded briefly. From his perspective, he had every reason to be concerned. If I suddenly fainted in the middle of my duties with no warning, I would make an awful knight. 

But somehow, I was confident it wouldn't happen again. 

Like a newborn baby's first cry, when their lungs fill with oxygen for the first time. It's uncomfortable. It hurts. That's why they cry. 

The first signs of a new life.

I had a strange feeling that I was right.