Chapter 5

!!!CW, Slight references to De@th, references to bullying from previous chapters, Snow ice and cars!!!

Chapter 5

Hit the books

Dad’s truck really needed some suspension work. That or maybe it was the ice that had coated the roads the night before, either way the ride to the library was very unpleasant. Lee had insisted on walking themself, it was just a mile away but after they had gone missing for a few hours the day before, their father didn't want to have a repeat of actions. So when Lee had tried to skip breakfast and leave that morning Lee’s father suddenly remembered he needed to go to the hardware store down the street from the library. So he ‘offered’ a ride. It was a very awkward one too and neither of them were really able to come up with anything to talk about. Lee’s father had tried to bring up the locker but Lee just turned away from him. As they pulled into the library parking lot Lee grabbed the door handle and their father locked it before they could open the door. 

Lee sighed, “Dad.”

“Lee,’ Dad started, “ I need you to tell me youre going to be ok. And that you're going to be back in this car in an hour.”

“I don't know dad, I've got a lot to look at, it may be a while. I can just walk home.'' Lee couldn't look at their dad. He wasn't doing anything wrong, Lee just couldn't lie to him and say they’d be back. With everything going on, the house, their room, it all felt too small. 

“It’s going to snow. I would rather drive you home than you get stuck out in this. Someone may have forgotten to put their chains on and they swerve off.” He sighed and put a hand on Lee’s shoulder. Lee flinched under it and turned to their father. “I just want to make sure you get home ok.” 

Lee gave him a soft smile. “How about this, I will let you know when I am done and I wont leave this block alone, ok? That way you can come pick me up and I won't be walking far.” That seemed to satisfy their father as he nodded, hitting the unlock button on the driver side door. Lee finally was released from the car and stepped forward towards the library. Alice caught up at their side, having hitched a ride in the back. 

“It's really sweet that he worries about you.” She said as she shoved her hands into the pockets of her pajamas. Lee looked down at the sidewalk.

“I think he hovers too much,” they whispered.

Alice scoffed. “I’d have been happy to have any parent that actually cared about my whereabouts. In a positive way at least.” Lee winced. Alice’s parents were not the best. They were overbearing while somehow indifferent to her. They didnt care where Alice was as long as she wasn't openly doing drugs, going to parties, or doing anything that would make them seem like bad parents on the surface. They hadn't even known that Alice had come over to Lee’s that night even though Alice had talked to them about it the morning before. They had confronted Lee at the funeral claiming that Lee had convinced Alice to sneak out that night. If anything, Alice was the one that had done the convincing. ‘Wait.’ Lee thought. ‘That night.’

Lee stopped in front of the door. They quickly dug their phone out of their pocket and opened the notes app. They typed fast and then leaned the phone away from themself so Alice could see. ‘ How much of that night do you remember?’

Alice froze. Lee was about to ask what was wrong when someone opened the door in front of them. Lee slid out of the way for the older couple leaving the library and slipped inside. Alice followed silently behind them. 

The library was a fair size for the small town. It was sectioned into 4 main areas, childrens, young adults, adults and nonfiction and, computers and private rooms near the back. Lee made their way towards the nonfiction section. They made sure no one was in the isles to their right or left before speaking. “Ok what’s up?” They whispered. 

“Nothing!” Alice shifted on the balls of her feet, looking at the wall of past president memoirs to her right. 

“Alice” Lee whispered, pressing. 

Alice rolled her eyes. “ I’m just shocked I can’t recall anything. The whole night is fuzzy.” 

Lee narrowed their eyes but Alice just stared back. Finally having lost the staring contest Lee pushed through Alice’s shoulder and walked down the aisle. They had not thought to ask last night. Soon after their conversation the discussion had changed to what had happened in the past year until Lee fell asleep on the bunk wrapped in blankets. How much of that night does she really remember? Lee wondered. Their face grew red. I really hope it isn't much. 

The computer area had their own librarian stand. Lee also knew that whoever was there would be able to let Lee in to see the newspaper copies. Every local newspaper, or newspaper their small town was mentioned in, was laminated and saved. Lee was sure digital prints were available too but they figured it was as good a place to start as any. They hadn’t been able to bring themself to read through any of the articles when it was happening. But maybe somewhere in all of that mess, was a place to start. 

Lee waited patiently in line behind a mother and her four children, watching Alice dart around the library. It had never been her scene, far too quiet, but Lee guessed it was better than a supposed “nothing” Alice had mentioned the night prior. Lee was just starting to smile, seeing Alice point at the stuffed animals they kept in the children's reading corner when they heard a voice curtly call out to them from behind the desk. “Hello?”

Lee turned to the library assistant and looked up to meet her eyes and stopped dead in their tracks. It was the girl from yesterday from the hallway. The girl that had shut Hannah up. She had on clear cat eye glasses today and a thick black sweater. She was looking down at Lee with a confused but mildly amused expression on her face. 

Lee’s face grew hot. “I -uh- um,” They stammered.  

The girl smiled. “I’ksha,” she reminded them. “Your name is Lee, right?”

Lee nodded,a frog still caught in their throat. They could not figure out how to talk. Maybe it was seeing someone from school here on a Saturday? Maybe it was the fact that she had seen them have a panic attack in the hall yesterday. Lee swallowed down the lump in their throat. “Hi, yeah, it’s Lee.” They said, and handed over their library card.  

“Need a computer today?” I’ksha asked,  taking  the card out of Lee’s hand. 

“No actually.” Lee shook their head, shaking themself back into the moment. “I would like to see some newspapers. Not the digital copies please, I would like to be able to sort them. I know you have to request them since they keep them in the basement.”

“ You request them often?” I’ksha teased. 

“No!” Lee forced, “uh, no. I just did this thing back in freshman year. About obituaries or something?” Lee had recently taken on the job their mother wasn’t able to fill. Their mother had died a couple of years before and all of the ghosts she had been trying to help wouldn’t stop hounding Lee for things so they finally had broken down and started helping. It took them months to sort through all of that mess. A few of the ghosts had forgotten their identities by the time Lee had gotten to them so they had taken to checking the obituaries for pictures to match names to faces. 

I’ksha nodded. “Ok what years are you needing?”

“J-just the past year.” Lee rubbed the back of their neck, tension building in it. “Anything pertaining to Alice Harwile.”

I’ksha’s eyes shot back up from the form she was filling out. She looked intently at Lee. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” she asked, “Especially considering what happened yesterday?”

Lee’s forehead began to sweat. They really didn't want to do this but Alice was back. She was still there and she was fine, right? There was nothing to worry about. “Yes.” Lee replied, voice quiet. “I think I need to do this. I didnt… I wasn't able to read them but I need to now, you know?”

I’ksha looked grimly back, sighed and then continued scribbling out on her form shaking her head. She had Lee sign and asked them to follow her down to the basement. “I’m willing to let you borrow these,” I’ksha said “but I need to find all of them first. And I don't think you want to be upstairs where everyone and their mom sees what you're reading about. Especially in a nosy ass town like this one.”

The basement was a labyrinth of tall wooden shelves and poor lighting, it seemed bigger than the floor above and their footsteps echoed off of the concrete floors as they stepped. They walked to the back wall where rows and rows of folders were placed, each sorted by year going back a very long time. Closer to the middle of the isle I’ksha stopped and selected two bundles. “I’ll help you sort these out if you need, I'd rather they not get out of order.” The two, Alice trailing behind, found seats and began dissecting the pile.

There wasn't much in this pile that Lee didn't already know, surprisingly. For trying to avoid information they sure had absorbed a lot of the case. The timeline had been longer than they thought. It was a full month and a half before Alice’s funeral. There were a few leads that had been disproven through alibis, a few suspects that were detained, questioned and released.  Nothing stuck and Alice wasn't paying attention to any of it. Even when Lee began to tap loudly on the desk trying to get her attention. 

“Are you ok?” I’ksha asked. She was looking blankly at a paper sorting dates back into order. Her polished nails traced the edge of the paper. They were painted black with little green ghosts on them. Lee closed their eyes and dropped their pen onto the desk. The humm of the lights above them grew louder.  

Alice rolled her eyes at Lee and picked at the dirt that had been stuck under her fingernails. “Can we go?” Alice asked, “this doesn't seem to be helping and not to be an ass but it stinks down here.”

“No it doesnt.”Lee murmured into their arm.

“What was that?” I’ksha asked.

Lee lifted their head. “Sorry , I said this doesn't seem to be helping.” They picked up a few papers. “It's just the same stuff over and over again and when it is anything new, a few papers down the line and it turns out it just leads to a dead end. Right now there is nothing to go off of at all.”

I’ksha looked up. “ Nothing to go off of?” she asked, “ Don't tell me you're trying to make sense of any of this garbage?”

Lee leaned back in their chair and stretched. “ Unfortunately yes I am. I know this seems very dumb but I need to figure out what happened that night after she left my place.”

I’ksha shook her head and started to gather the papers up in order. “I’m sorry Lee but the only person who may know that is Alice.”

‘You’d be surprised,’ Lee thought,looking up to glare at their friend who was standing over I’ksha’s shoulder. Alice had a disapproving face. “I really don't like her.'' She stated matter of factly. Lee narrowed their eyes. Alice gave I’ksha a once over “I don't know what her deal is. Anyway, oh well worth a shot, too bad, so sad right Lee? Let's get a move on this place is boring as hell.”

“You know,” I’Ksha said as she started to bundle up the collections, “ We do keep some police reports that are under public viewing but I may have to get permission signed by my boss directly.”

“What do you mean?” Lee asked, leaning forward in their chair.

“ I mean that they may have more information than just these. But my boss doesn't work Saturdays so we may have to wait until Tuesday, maybe Wednesday at the earliest for her to approve the forms.” I’ksha put the bundles back. She turned back around looking at Lee. “Do you want to talk about this?” she asked.

“Why would I need to talk about anything?” Lee began to feel their face grow hot again as I’ksha sat down next to them.

“Lee, Hannah really got into your head. Especially with the locker thing.” her eyes were gentle as she looked down on Lee.” Death is… hard.”

Lee stood up. “Thank you for helping me with the newspapers.” they blurted. Lee could not imagine having this conversation again. When their mother had passed they had seen therapists for a long time and all they ever wanted to talk about was her dying, not who she was when she was alive. When Alice had died all the therapists wanted to know was if Lee was safe. Lee didn't want to talk about death. Lee knew death. They gathered up the notebook they had brought and turned to walk away when I’ksha grabbed their wrist.

“ Here.” she said, handing Lee a paper bookmark.

Lee looked down at the bookmark. “... ‘Reading is fun?’” they read aloud.

“No!” I’ksha groaned, “the back.”

Lee flipped it over. In swirly handwriting I’ksha had written ‘in case you need to talk, or info on the papers’ and left her phone number. “I see you at school every day.” I’Ksha began, “I know we aren't really friends but… yeah. Let me know if you need someone to talk to. About anything.” Lee pulled their hand away. “Not just this stuff.” she added. 

“Thanks .” Lee croaked and walked hastily to the stairs. When they finally got out of the library they could breathe. It had been snowing and thick flurries danced across the sky landing with soft sounds you had to be quiet to hear. Lee looked down at their hand at the bookmark note I’ksha had given them. 

“Wow Lee,”  Alice teased, “ you try to solve my murder and end up with a girl's number.”

Lee shot Alice a dirty look which only made her laugh. Lee pulled their scarf up past their nose to try and hide the fact that their cheeks were redder than ever. Something about Alice’s teasing hit a little too close to home.

“I’ll text dad to pick us up. “ they said.

“Make sure to include a hello from me” Alice laughed.