!!!!CW, Bullying, references to de@th, depictions of anxiety and panic attacks, bl00d, accidental self harm,depersonalization, mild body horror at the end of the chapter!!!

Chapter 3 

Panic

Lee had made it through lunch and they thought that was pretty good. They had heard a few people whisper around them and look away when Lee looked over at them. Hannah was probably doing what she did best and spread the nasty rumor from the morning. Lee decided the best thing they could do for now is to keep their head down. Hannah wasn't in any other of their classes so they kept their headphones on. Nick had popped up again during science so they wrote a simple note explaining that they would talk about this after school. It was on the way to fifth period, right after lunch, when Lee stopped by their locker that things took a turn. Taped to their locker was a news article printed out on a sheet of paper and big red letters written in marker that said ’murderer’. It was THE article. Lee had seen it plastered everywhere the year before. Lee didn't know what to do. A group of kids laughed down the hall and looking over at them Lee could see several of them had their phones out recording.

All of a sudden the sounds of the hallway became deafening, Lee could hear their laughter echo in their head. They felt like there was no room, like they were a sardine sandwiched in the hallway as people passed by slamming their backpacks into them. A couple of boys passed to either side of Lee knocking them off balance.  Lee grabbed at their ears, curled their legs to their chest, their vision blurring as tears filled their eyes. They felt a stinging and a pounding in their head. Lee somehow didn't feel the hand shaking their shoulders or the person calling out.

 “HEY!” Lee snapped out blinking rapidly and looked around them. The hallway was empty.  In front of them was the girl again, I’Ksha. She had both hands on Lee's shoulders and was firmly swaying them back and forth. Lee looked wide eyed at her, and then over to the locker. I’Ksha followed Lee’s gaze and saw the note. She turned back to Lee. “Are you ok?” Lee lowered their hands from their ears. They felt so tired suddenly like life had been drained from them. Lee looked up to see I’Ksha look worried back at them. ‘You're bleeding.” Lee touched the side of their face feeling something warm around their temple. When they pulled it back there was blood. Lee’s face drained of color as they looked up at the girl. And in shame, they scrambled to their feet and ran off down the hallway.

…

Lee didn't stop into the bathroom to wash off, they just started to walk home. It was sprinkling but they let the water roll off of them, too dazed to remember the umbrella in their bag.  It was all they could do to put one foot in front of the other at the moment. Maybe when they got home they would tell their dad to message the counselor and explain why Lee had left early. ‘God’ Lee thought, ‘Dad’. And now Lee couldn't think of going home. Having to admit that dad was right was hard enough but having to tell him to his face what was going on felt worse. Lee had refused up to this point to involve him in the drama at school, especially when they knew there was nothing he could really do in the first place. When she had been alive, Lee’s mother had gone to the school board time and time again over Hannah’s bullying but it never resulted in any kind of change, if anything it just made it worse. Still it was growing harder and harder to ignore and Lee’s plans of just making it to graduation seemed lifetimes away, not 7 months. 

Lee blinked, coming out of their own fog a bit, and realized they were not close to main street at all. They had wandered over to a park on the edge of the town. They weren't exactly shocked, the whole city was maybe 3 or four miles from one end to the other, nowhere was far, but they had been so wrapped up in their own head that they didn't expect to have walked so far. They wandered over to the gazebo and sat down in the benches fishing out their phone. They had left school over an hour ago and had received a flurry of texts from their father. None of them seemed upset, if anything it was just an overwhelming amount of concern. They shot a text back saying they were fine and they would be home later. “At least he still cares.” a voice said behind Lee's shoulder.

They jumped out of their seat to see Nick floating behind them. He smiled at them and ran a gloved hand behind his neck. “How’s about that cigarette huh?” 

Lee scoffed and fell back down onto the bench, dropping their head into their hands. “You followed me?” they murmured. Nick climbed his way onto the gazebo and sat across from Lee. he wrung his hands into each other and breathed on them in an attempt to warm them up. They never did. Nick had died not that long ago when Lee was 15. He had been reported missing after a skiing trip with his friends. What had really happened was he had gone outside during a cold snowy night after drinking for a restroom break and a smoke. He wandered off when he saw a deer and tried to get a photo of it for his friends and had gotten lost. With no cell service and no know-how of survival or sense of direction to get back to the cabin he froze to death a couple of days later. All he wanted was to be warm again and he thought if Lee helped him smoke a cigarette he would feel warm inside and move on. But Lee was skeptical that it would work and no one in town was willing to sell to anyone under age. They had even tried to bum one off of someone before but Lee's babyface made the task impossible. 

Nick looked back up at Lee. “ How are you holding up kid?” 

Lee rubbed their eyes hard and took a deep breath. “ Not good. Honestly Nick, Hannah’s a problem but I know all of the shit that she pulls, this is totally something she would do but this isn't the worst of it. I'm mad at Her. “ Lee rubbed the wrist the bracelet had been on this morning. '' Why hasn't she come to see me?” 

Nick shifted a bit in his seat digging his hands into his coat pockets. “Maybe she just moved on?”

Lee’s face flushed. They had wondered that alot. Maybe she had just moved on. The thought hurt Lee. Alice had run away from Lee’s house, away from Lee, that night. What if she was stuck around out there and needed help? What if she was too mad to get it from Lee? What if Alice was never able to move on? What if Lee was never able to move on? Lee felt tears rolling down their face. Nick got up and sat by Lee’s side, putting a light hand on his friend’s shoulder though Lee couldn't feel it.  They sat like that for some time. After a while Lee’s phone buzzed. Their dad had closed the shop and was asking where they were for a ride home.

When their dad’s truck pulled up to the side of the park, they reluctantly got to their feet and made their way to it. They were greeted with a firm pat on the shoulder. The drive was mostly quiet on the way home. They were almost to their apartment when their dad spoke. “I got an email today,” he started. “It uh, it had a video in it.” Lee looked over to him, narrowing their eyes. He was quiet for a moment, and Lee could tell he was trying to choose his words carefully. “ School heard a lot worse from me today. They called, upset that you had left but then I sent them the email of what was on your locker.” Lee flinched, grimacing, remembering the locker note. 

MURDERER.

“They shut their trap about that. Your counselor said to not worry about today and they'll have someone give you your assignments for the classes you missed. She wished you had gone to her instead but…” he parked the car behind their building. He shut the engine off and cool air started to leak into the cabin again. Lee’s father went to open his mouth again but Lee quickly unbuckled themself and swung the door open, leaping from the truck. They rushed up the back entrance to their apartment not waiting for their father to follow. It wasn't until they were in the safety of their room that they finally let it out, crying into their pillow as the light drained from their room.

…

Lee woke up much later than they expected to. The light was completely drained from their room and they could see their alarm clock buzzing a bright red 11:58. They switched the lights above their bed on and saw across the room that someone had left a note taped to their door. They climbed out of their sheets, body aching. Pulling the note off of the door they read it. 

I'm sorry you had a rough day, I made a plate for you in the fridge, pancakes in the morning?-Auntie V

Lee’s stomach growled and they opened their door making sure their footsteps were quiet. In the fridge auntie V had left a container of soup. As the microwave hummed, Lee blinked away sleep from their eyes. They felt a shiver climb up their arm and the room felt colder than it had a minute ago. They turned around to grab a spoon from one of the kitchen drawers and was met with eyes staring back at them, wide and bloodshot. Lee flew back hitting their shoulder on the side of the gas stove top. Wide eyed they looked up at the figure above them, floating. She had long brown hair, a mess floating in all directions and her face looked down with an annoyed expression. Her clothes, pajamas, were covered in a layer of dirt that extended to her feet and most horrifyingly her neck was opened revealing a dark inky void.

It was Alice.