“Stephanie!” I called.

Her long hair flew gracefully past her face as she turned. At the sight of me, her perfectly neutral expression vanished behind a smile. 

Compared to her, I looked like a lump. Specifically, a lump running for the first time. I jogged to a stop in front of her, my breathing coming out haggard. Being tired next to someone so beautiful made it that much more embarrassing.

“I’m so glad I caught you,” I smiled brightly. “Rin said he wanted to meet up with you at the library before you guys leave today.”

“Oh,” she shook her head adorably in confusion, her shorter layers of hair catching a few of her long lashes. “Did he say why?”

“Nope! When I asked why he just turned red so I didn’t push it.”

“I see,” an even dusting of pinks and reds warmed her cheeks and her eyes dropped shyly to the floor. “Thanks for telling me, Elly.”

No. Thank you for believing me, Steph.

The result of hours of brainstorming brought me to this bright and bubbly conversation. If I wanted the argument to feel realistic, it should be about something they’ve fought over before. 

Attention. 

Turns out, Stephanie Huarez had a flaw after all. Her desire for Rin’s attention could make her lose reason. Or at the very least, become the opposite of the pleasant, upbeat person I’d come to know her as. 

Going to the library for some afternoon fun with the boyfriend only to be blown off would make anybody mad. If all went to plan, it would make Stephanie livid. And in a few hours, they’d be on the brink.

So the smile I gave her in return was completely genuine.

“You’re welcome.”

—————

James was late showing up to school Thursday morning, so I didn’t feel guilty tuning in to a chatty Rin. Our desks almost touched with how close he’d dragged his in and he put his elbows on my desk as he talked. 

A lack of personal space was pretty normal for the two of us. But today I was acutely aware of the fact that I could count each of his lashes. And, when he laughed, warm air brushed my cheeks. Each time he cracked another smile, which was almost constant, my heart squeezed a little bit more.

I tried to push my weird observations to the side. Him being so close shouldn’t bother me. And, I was waiting for him to explain what happened yesterday when he didn’t show up to the library. Depending on how much Stephanie said, there was a chance he’d be mad at me. Yesterday’s plan had been a risk but I was too eager to give it a shot.

Still, he didn’t seem upset with me this morning. He didn’t seem upset about anything at all, sunshine just about spilling out of his ears.

“And it was so awkward the other day–you know when I came over to your house after your shift–because her parents canceled their trip!” His laugh was half relaxed, half mortified. “I had to socialize with her parents like a respectable boyfriend. Like I hadn’t come over to- you get the point.”

I did. His inability to get laid and the resulting surprise visit gave me the heart attack of a lifetime. Not like I wanted him to get laid, of course. Continued intercourse would make it way harder for them to split up. That’s why I didn’t like it. 

“But the weirdest thing happened yesterday.”

“Oh?”

Stay calm. You’re uninvolved. Totally chill.

“I was waiting outside Stephanie’s house to pick her up when she called me, complaining that I wasn’t at the library,” he scoffed, mirthfully shaking his head. “I don’t know. For some reason she thought I wanted us to meet up there. I still have no idea why.”

“She wasn’t mad?”

“She was a little upset at first but when we realized it was a misunderstanding, everything was good,” he explained with a grin. “I just picked her up from school and we went from there.”

“How . . .”

Disappointing

“Crazy.”

James slipped through the door seconds before the bell rang. The oohs and ahhs accompanying his miraculous arrival coupled with Mr Anderson actually starting class when he was supposed to was the interruption needed to stop Rin’s train of speech. Instead of studying history, I spent the next 50 minutes figuring out which of my backup plans to try next.

The next one I wanted to try was a bit simpler. Less direct action on my part so it would be harder to pin me as the culprit. I just needed the guys to agree to another study session where Stephanie was not in attendance. And this time, I would be the host. 

“You haven’t had enough of me?” Rin teased when I asked if he wanted to come over. Frankly speaking: no. 

I don’t think I could ever get sick of Rin Hamada. 

As best friends, there wasn’t a dull moment between the two of us. Or more accurately, even the dull moments felt fun when I was beside him. In fact, I think living together would be an awesome addition to our relationship. But confirming that he’s right felt super embarrassing. Rolling my eyes and changing the subject was a much more empowering move.

With his jokes out of the way, Rin agreed and Stephanie, who was pinned to his side at the cafeteria table, seemed happy to witness another example of how close her boyfriend was to his friends.

That night, as Rin tried to wrestle a controller out of Tyler’s hands, I grabbed his phone off my desk and put it on silent. Since it was an iPhone, making the change was almost too easy. I just nudged a tiny switch on the side of his phone. The change made no noise but the results would be legendary. 

Before I put his phone back down, I checked the screen. The best place to charge phones was on the opposite end of the room from my TV where all three guys were hunched around the console. That, along with the too high volume of Mario celebrating his win already made Rin miss 3 of Stephanie’s texts. A stroke of genius had me slipping one of my hats under his phone so even the vibrations from his phone would be silent. 

This would work. The two would get into an argument. Stephanie and Rin would go their separate ways. I wouldn’t have to think about Rin and sex or Rin and relationships so much. Then all of these weird feelings I’m having will stop. And finally, things will go back to normal.

—————

There was only one more period until lunch but at that point, I was convinced I’d done it. All the planning and scheming and totally inappropriate use of a convenient iPhone feature worked. Friday morning started without any proclamations about Stephanie’s beauty or rants about how beautiful the flowers smelt during an icy Canadian fall. Rin was so quiet, so subdued, that he didn’t even look peeved when I spent the morning talking to James. 

I mean, I would have also talked to Rin but every time I turned back to him his frowny emoji expression only got deeper so I chose myself for once.

To be completely honest, seeing him so sad made me even sadder; it was tough to see the guy so upset. But I had to remind myself that this was for the greater good. All the moping and frowning was for a good cause because there’s no way it had nothing to do with me silencing his phone for half the day. 

Rin and I didn’t sit together for math class (curse assigned seating) but even from across the room I could tell that his face–which was arguably an RBF most days–was bitchier than normal. When his dark eyes weren’t anxiously checking his phone or lazily scanning the board, they went out the window. It was like they were searching for something in that cold city landscape. 

Maybe he really was looking for the answer to the math problem Mrs Smithson wrote on the board. Or maybe he wanted the peace he had before he was in a relationship. I think it might have been the latter.

Watching him then, I was more than confident. I was convinced he and Stephanie fought. Now, all I had to do was wait for that gloriously irritating bell to ring us into lunch. Then I could ask Rin about everything. 

Nine minutes passed, the opportunity arrived, but I didn’t talk to Rin. 

We didn’t talk because my Asian bestie raced out of the classroom like there was a literal fire burning within his ass. Rin sat in the front row, I was in the back. So by the time I’d pushed my way past the kids who dragged all their stuff away from their desks just to pack their bag in the middle of the aisles, Rin was gone.

That asshat disappeared for the entire period. I guess when you fight with your girlfriend, you don’t even need food because the guy never returned to the cafeteria to eat. But maybe I was putting him in a box. Maybe he’d used his punctual wake up time to make a sandwich in the morning so he could mope alone during lunch. Rin didn’t have to follow the same routine he’s used since elementary school. 

But also, he definitely didn’t pack lunch and now he was hungry and sad and I wasn’t there to comfort him.

That concern stuck with me for the rest of the day. Which also happened to be the section of my school experience that never included Rin Hamada. We didn’t share a single class after lunch so I had no chance to see how he was holding up. 

He wasn’t breaking down, was he? Had I gone too far?

Those thoughts clung to me like a wet t-shirt as I started the trek back to my house, miserable and alone. Until a blur of floppy black hair and bright teeth flew into my side.

“You weren’t trying to go home without me, were you?” His chin hung off of my shoulder, his eyes were warm and alive when they looked up at me.

“No, of course not.”

Of course I was! 

Rin stepped away, dragging a large hand through his shiny hair while I tried to understand how he’d gone from depressed emo to yoga instructor in three hours. I swear, even though he knew nothing about yoga, he would have led a class if I asked him: that’s how happy he was.

And I was way too confused, concerned, and frustrated not to ask why. Of course it’s good that he’s happy but also I worked way too hard for those sad vibes he was shedding earlier to be for nothing.

I think that’s why I lost some of the typical Elly charm and sneakery when I said,

“Rin what the fuck happened? First you were moping now you’re all rainbows and sunshine-”

“God, okay! I didn’t realize you were that concerned,” he cut me off, pushing into my shoulder playfully. I didn’t budge because I was too upset to fall into our usual best friend habits. If Rin noticed, he didn’t say a word about it, maintaining that monk-like smile.

“Steph was giving me a hard time this morning,” he sighed, some residual irritation coming back. “Because I didn’t return any of her calls or texts yesterday she started screening all of my texts and calls. So, I found her in the halls during lunch and . . . well, after some time in the janitor’s closet, we were good as new.”

Our lunch period was a full hour with no classes. Even in a public place, I knew the two of them could get a lot done in 60 minutes. Those treacherous images returned with a vengeance. It was scenes of Rin pushing Stephanie up against shelves. Rin pulling her smaller body flush against his own. Hushed moments where they struggled to stay quiet, stay hidden, despite the pleasure he was creating for the both of them. 

My face twisted up against my control. The more I tried not to think about it the more I did think about it. 

I got a brief break from imagining how they spent those 3,600 seconds alone because it occurred to me that I didn’t get so upset thinking about Colby having sex. He wasn’t as popular as Rin but he’d still gotten through a couple relationships, one or two of them being sexual. I could probably pick out the nipple color of one of those girls from a catalog because Colby is a talker. 

But it didn’t bother me. 

Sure, I really didn’t want that much detail, but hearing about his sexual history didn’t create this horrible curdling feeling in my stomach. Not like the feeling I had just knowing that Rin and Steph had been alone during lunch.

My head shot up instinctively when the sound of shoes slapping against pavement suddenly stopped. Rin had stopped walking because I'd been moving so slow. I didn’t need to do it, but I purposely jogged up to him. I used the feeling of icy air brushing past my cheeks to ward off any more Rin and Steph . . . visions.

“What’s that face for, El?” my best friend laughed, throwing an arm over my shoulders when I caught up. “Did you want more details? Because if you think your virgin ears can handle them . . . ”

“Shut up,” I ground out. “Yes, virgins can hear about sex and no, I don’t want to know anymore about whatever it is the two of you do.”

From that point on, Rin carried the conversation. I had too much on my mind and he had so little because, clearly, he’d discovered meditation during that hour he spent with Stephanie. It was probably something in the kama sutra regarding sex positions and finding inner peace. In a way, we’d switched places from this morning because now I was frowning and Rin was light as a feather.

I was so relieved to see my front porch a few minutes later. Rin didn’t receive anything close to a goodbye from me. I still adored the dude but also anywhere was better than in the bubble of his puppy love. I clattered up those front steps like a drunk toddler then fell back against the door with a heavy sigh.

Step 3: Cause a Fight: 

Turns out Rin and Stephanie are super good at avoiding those.

Luckily, I’m even better at starting them.