“Harvey? Zeke?” I called into Alexander’s parent's house, struggling with the bags after I left the hospital.

“Caelan?” Harvey came from the kitchen, a look of surprise on his face, “Oh I thought that was you! What in the world are you doing here?” he smiled, hugging me before roughly patting my back.

“You are so different from your brother,” I snorted, setting the bags down, “you show a lot of emotion, he doesn’t. Anyway, Alexi told me what was going on so I insisted we come back.”

“No I knew that,” he gestured to the kitchen and I followed him, “I meant here at the house. Where is Alexi?”

“Hospital. I’m going to take care of Zeke while you go to Leeds. Work on what I need to stay permanently. I’m already here on a work visa, I just don’t start my job for a while but they have me listed as an employee.”

“Applying for citizenship?”

“In five years when I can,” I nodded, accepting a glass of lemonade, “where is Zeke?”

“His room working on homework. Jake and Ruthie didn’t want him out of his normal schedule. You’ll need to take him out to the road at 7 tomorrow morning, the kura will pick him up.”

“Kura?”

“School bus. There’s only one primary school here in Taupaki. He’s part of the Tui team for year four students. He can tell you more about it.”

“Ah, year four here would mean he’s in third grade back in the States. That’s right. I’ve been doing a lot of research about living here. I don’t want to be too out of the loop. Do I need to pack him a lunch? Uh oh, I mean supper.”

“Yeah. He’ll be gone until 3. This is the first and last stop on the route so Zeke spends a lot of time on the bus. He loves it though. All you need to do around 2:45 is open the gate and Scout will wait for him to walk Zeke back to the house. Don’t let him try and get a snack because he will. He eats around 5:30 before doing his homework, showering, and Ruthie lets him watch an hour of television before he reads and goes to sleep. There’s a list over here, broken down hourly of his schedule. Jake made sure I had it. Don’t worry about the farm unless something goes wrong out there. The farmhands that live in the house at the back of the property can handle it. Jake left it to them. Although, there is a baby goat that they’re taking turns bottle feeding if you want to take Zeke out there to do it. He loves it,” Harvey laughed gently before clearing his throat, “thank you for doing this. I love Ruthie. I’m worried about Jake. If something happens…”

“Why worried?”

“He’s got pretty severe suicidal tendencies. I’ve saved his life more than I can count. The scars on his face? He purposely drove his motorcycle into a tree, hoping it would kill him. Alexi knows this and… if Ruthie passes, we’ll need to have him put on suicide watch. He’s tried pills, hanging himself, jumping into the ocean. Someone has always managed to be there to save him. I locked away all his guns. He loves his family, truly and deeply, but Jacob is self-destructive and wants to leave the world. Medication has helped as has therapy but it’s not enough and I’m worried this will be the tipping point. There’s a reason Alexi stayed at the hospital outside of Ruthie. Jake will try and die alongside her.”

“Shit,” I whispered, my eyes wide, “Okay. We won’t let that happen. I don’t want to see a world where Zeke and Alexi lose their parents at the same time.”

“I pushed going back to the rig for three months but after that… I can’t stay. I have to ask that you help Alexi. If something happens to Ruthie. Please,” he gripped my arms and I smiled, nodding.

“There was never any need to beg me to take care of them. We’re family, Harvey. My parents are happy to come out here as well to help. I might call and see. I know Teddy will be here tomorrow but Remi can follow if needed. My grandparent Hyacinth was the same as Jake but they’re nearly 80. They pulled through it. So I hope we can help Jake do the same. Even when Ruthie beats this, I’m worried he’ll keep trying. Do you know why?”

“Not really. Our parents were more than accepting of them having Alexi young and getting married. They adore us and treat us well. Jake has been like this since he was 13. I thought he was schizophrenic or bipolar but every test done by doctors and therapists can’t find what the reason is. Jake has simply decided that he isn’t meant to be alive. I think it’s been three years since he tried last and Zeke was the one that saved him. Gave him CPR. I taught the kids young because of how often they swim in the ocean. I want my brother to be with me as long as possible. We’re twins, we share a spirit. Listen,” he sat down and I joined him at the table, “if for whatever reason both Ruthie and Jake leave us, I will be here. Alexi doesn’t see that, he assumes my life on the rig is more important than my family. I just never wanted kids or to get married. I’m ace and aro. On the spectrum of those, I have no sexual desire to be with anyone. I never have. I’m not a grey or demi ace. I lack a sex drive and the need to be close to someone romantically. I’m happy the way that I am, I accept myself and love myself and Alexi doesn’t understand that. So he assumes I hate the family but I just live my life for me. But not anymore. I can’t be this way anymore. I want to be here with my nephews. I plan to leave the rig after my next stint out there. Help with the farm and live in the house out back. Zeke is going to need that if… if Jake can’t hang on. He’s not old enough to take the dairy farm yet and I fucking refuse to let Alexi leave his career to do it. He worked too damn hard to be a doctor and I’m incredibly proud of him for it. Same with you,” he patted my hand, “we’ll figure things out as a family. You’re my nephew too, after all, I was including you in that. For right now, I’m going to the airport to fly to England and get Bea. She has cataracts and can’t fly alone. She gets scared. My parents should be here tomorrow since they’re driving but I’ll be back in two days so if you could greet them I’d appreciate it.”

“Of course. I won’t be going to get my dad until tomorrow night. He’s only spending one night here so I’ll show him around Auckland the day after. That’s a Saturday so I can bring Zeke while everyone is at the hospital with Ruthie. But I’m one call away. I updated my service for my phone until I change numbers so I get international calls and texts. Here,” I grabbed a pen and paper from the counter and quickly wrote my number down, giving it to Harvey, “call me any time if Alexi can’t.”

“Thank you,” he nodded, giving me another hug before grabbing a backpack and running out of the house.

Laughing, I gathered my things along with Alexander’s and made my way to the second floor where I found Ezekiel at his desk, the tip of his tongue sticking out as he read. He quickly looked over at the sound of my footsteps before rushing over and trying to jump onto me.

“Hi kiddo,” I smiled, hugging him tightly.

“Cae! You’re here! Is Alexi?” Ezekiel wiggled, still hugging me.

“Yep, but he’s with your mum and dad at the hospital. Uncle Harvey just left to get your grandma so it’s me and you for the night. I’ll see you off to the bus tomorrow too. We’ll have fun but we have to follow your mum’s note, okay?”

“Mhm okay. Is mum okay?”

“She hopefully will be. The doctors are doing a great job,” I patted his head gently, “can you show me Alexi’s old room? I plan to stay in there.”

“It’s in the attic,” he pointed to a flight of stairs that led to the third floor before leading me up them.

The entire top floor of the house was Alexander’s bedroom. It was a bit cramped, the ceilings sloping in places and while I was fine, I knew Alexander would have had to lean to the side to fit. It was decorated entirely in green from the dresser to the bedspread and curtains and there were photos pinned everywhere of young Alexander and his parents.

“It’s perfect. Thank you, Zeke. Where is Scout?” I set the bags on the floor and took a seat at the end of the bed.

“Outside running around. He has to be when I do homework or I don’t pay attention,” Ezekiel shrugged, sitting in the bay window that looked out at the property, “when will Mum be home?”

“I can’t answer that, baby. I don’t know,” I joined him in the window, watching the cows and goats that the Bennett family had, “I wish I could.”

“Mum has cancer,” he whispered, resting his chin on his knees, “they don’t think I know but I do. Daddy is going to hurt himself again if Mum dies. What will happen to me? Will I go with people I don’t know?”

I wrapped Ezekiel in my arms as he started to cry and slowly rocked him, my chin on the top of his head, “If something like that does happen, you’ll stay with Alexi and me. He gets custody of you and I’ll help him take care of you. But we shouldn’t think like that, okay? Your mum needs us to have hope in our hearts that she’ll be home with us, Ezekiel.”

“I’m scared,” he continued to cry and I felt my throat grow warm, “Caelan… why does this happen?”

“Well. That’s another thing I can’t answer for you. I don’t have a good reason for it because there just isn’t one. We’re going to be okay, Zeke. That’s the best thing I can say right now. No matter what happens, we’ll be okay.”

“Promise?”

“I swear.”

We sat there for a while longer, Ezekiel needing time to relax before we returned to the second floor so I could help him finish his homework. Once he was done and had showered we ate dinner together and watched two episodes of his favorite show. Ezekiel hugged me and went to bed after it was over and I cleaned up after us before retiring to Alexander’s room and laying in bed, setting an alarm on my phone as I knew I would struggle due to the time change. It started to ring as I lay there and I answered a video call from Alexander with a calm smile.

“Hi baby,” he sniffled, “how is Zeke?”

“He’s okay. Sleeping now. We finished up his homework and had dinner together after Harv left. He knows, Alexi. About Ruthie. He’s 11, he’s smart enough to gather information. Zeke is terrified that if… I know about your Dad. His struggles. Harvey told me today.”

“Shit,” Alexander sighed, “I’m glad you know, not so happy Zeke figured things out.”

“Harvey is leaving the rig after his next tour regardless of what happens. He wants to be here for you and Zeke. Oh and me as well. He loves you, Alexi. Truly loves you.”

“Yeah. I know. I just… Caelan… she’s not breathing on her own anymore. They won’t do the surgery she needs. They uh… there’s nothing more they can do. We had another CT done a few hours ago. More tumors all over her body. They’re popping up quickly. This is it, babe.”

“Oh honey,” tears filled my eyes and I gripped the pillow next to me, “I am so sorry. What do you need from me?”

“Can you wake up Zeke and bring him? Dad wants him to say goodbye.”

“I’ll be there in half an hour. Do you want me to be honest with him?”

“Yes. Please. Thank you.”

We ended the call and I threw my clothes on before running to Ezekiel’s room and waking him up. He blinked a few times, clearly startled but listened to me once I told him to get ready.

“Is it already time for school?” He yawned, following me downstairs.

“We’re going to the hospital to see your Mum.”

“Dad said it’s not safe for me because of her medicines,” Ezekiel gasped, climbing into Alexander’s truck with me.

Exhaling a long, shaking breath, I turned to Ezekiel, “This isn’t a fun trip to say hi, Zeke. Your mum… the cancer has spread too far. They can’t do anything more. So we’re going to see your mum, give her our love, and say… say goodbye okay?”

“Okay,” he sniffled, wrapping my sweater around himself after I handed it to him for comfort, “you’re a good big brother.”

“I have four little brothers and sisters. I always have been.”

“Caelan?”

“Hm?” I turned onto the road, being as careful as possible as I had Ezekiel with me.

“I love you, Tuakana.”

“Oh. I love you too, little brother.”

“Teina. That’s how you say it,” he hiccuped, “in Maori.”

“I like that. Teina.”

We reached the hospital half an hour later to find Alexander outside talking to a police officer. Alexander was frantic, his hands flailing as he yelled and I ran over, Ezekiel right behind me,

“Alexi!” I shouted and he grabbed me, hugging me tightly, “What in the world is going on?”

“My dad. We can’t find him anywhere after we were told about Mum. With how he is I… Officer Singh came when I called.”

“We have officers searching for him now based on descriptions,” Officer Singh nodded, “I promise you we’ll find him. Do you know if he has any weapons on him?”

“I have no idea. If he does, he’ll use it on himself or threaten the cops so they shoot him. He wants to die, he has since before I was born. Please… our mum is about to lose her battle with cancer. There has to be something you can-”

Alexander was interrupted by the crackling of Officer Singh’s radio. We shared a look as she listened to the codes coming in and I wished I knew what a 901A was.

“Copy. I will inform the family,” Officer Singh looked at us defeated, “we’ve found him. He’s with the medics now.”

“What’s a 901A?” Ezekiel called and she squatted down to see him.

“What’s your name?”

“Zeke. I’m 11. What is that code? I know a lot but I don’t know that one.”

She looked up at us and I nodded, “It’s a suicide attempt that requires an ambulance.”

“Oh,” Ezekiel sighed, “I saved him last time he took a bunch of sleeping pills. Is that what happened now?”

“I have to share with the adults present, I’m sorry,” she stood up and Ezekiel huffed, refusing to move, “do I have your permission to share in front of him?”

“Yes,” Alexander nodded, gripping my hip.

“He managed to find some form of jagged metal and slit both wrists as well as his throat. My officers didn’t find him for a bit after it happened and the medics are doing their best to stabilize him in the ambulance.”

“Goddammit!” Alexander shouted and I rubbed his back, tears filling my eyes, “This can’t be happening! Our mum is upstairs, about to take her last breaths and he… he is so fucking selfish!”

“Alexander!” I yelled and he looked at me, anger in his eyes, “Zeke is right here. Trust me, I’m angry too but we can’t hold it against Jacob. He’s mentally unwell. He needs to be in a facility where they can help him. But shouting like this isn’t helping anyone. Let’s take Zeke upstairs to see Ruthie. She has to be our priority right now. The paramedics have your dad. There’s nothing we can do right now.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Alexander took a few deep breaths before calming, “Thank you, Officer Singh.”

“I wish I had better news for you,” she tipped her hat, patted Ezekiel on the head, and left.

“Can we see Mum now?” Ezekiel whispered and I took his hand.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”