7-The hopelessness

Emerick's pov

I still can't get over yesterday, of course, what happened wasn't anything special by any means but in a way it was and I hate it.

It was just Carson, yes Carson once again.

Why of all people he have to be the one to come to the convenience store right before I finished my shift too? He doesn't even live in this neighbourhood!

I'm still confused as to why he was there but that's not what bothers me.

Seeing Carson's presence yesterday was a shock to me, I thought I wouldn't have to see his face for the rest of the summer.

Regardless, it was an awkward silence between us, a reminder of the last time.

Carson talked to me first and asked me why I was working there but I ignored him, too scared to interact with him. So, I ended up acting like I didn't know him and treated him as a normal client.

Luckily he didn't push it once he noticed I wouldn't answer him and he left after paying.

I know it's not smart on my part but I've always been like that with people that I don't want to associate with, I did it with Carson and I did it to my past friends, it worked every time.

But I kinda feel a bit guilty and I don't understand why. Carson and I are mere strangers now. I have no reason to care about him, besides he's a childish creep I should remember that.

Maybe it's because he used to be my best friend, well that's what I try to make myself believe but no matter I know deep down it's not true, there's still a part of me that cares and I hate that.

It threatens the weird feelings that I have towards Carson to come back to the surface. I had buried them but then there's everything that Carson did on that trip and now it disrupts that.

I hate disruption, everything was under control before but now I have feelings that come back on the surface I don't understand, it's uncomfortable and annoying.

Why does it have to be Carson? Why can't it be any other guy?

———————

Carson's pov

Emerick hates me, he hates me...

I can't get over that and that cold look he had on yesterday...

It was such a surprise to encounter Emerick working at the local convenience store in Ella's neighbourhood.

I really wasn't expecting to see him this summer and at first, I was glad to see him but that happiness got fractured as quickly as it came.

Emerick wasn't happy to see me...

I thought he would have gotten over the kiss on the school trip or at the very least say hi to me
but no...he just ignored me...He just acted like he didn't know me.

I didn't know Emerick could be so cruel.

It's really harsh of him and it breaks my heart, even more so because I like him, like a friend but as my crush too.

Why did he do that? Why does Emerick hate me? What did I do so wrong? I just wanted him to be my friend again...

If this is how it feels to be rejected, then I hate it.

Although it hurts, this situation feels familiar and past memory threatens to come to mind, but so distracted by my thoughts, that my phone suddenly slips from my hand and falls on the floor of the commercial store.

Immediately I'm on high alert, I panic and I pick it up hoping it's not broken.

"Omg! Carson! Is your phone ok?!" My friend asks equally anxious.

I pick up my phone and look for signs of any damage but luckily there are only faint cracks.

"Yes, there's only a few cracks," I say relieved and that relieves Ella too.

"Why did suddenly drop your phone? You scared me!" Ella asks deeply worried.

"I was just distracted, for a second there. You know it happens often." I say half smiling apologetically but Ella frowns.

"Yeah, I've noticed you've been a bit down since we arrived at the movies, what's wrong?" Ella asks worried but I fake a small smile.

I don't want to worry Ella, so I have no choice but to lie even if I don't like that.

"It's nothing to worry about about." I fake a smile and Ella looks at me not fully convinced.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Now let's go see that movie, we can't be late to it!" I say confidently hiding my down mood and luckily she believes it.

"Oh right, I almost forgot, it's 2 already. Quick, let's go wait in line!" She says enthusiastically and I smile, chucking.

At least I have Ella.
———————

Luckily we weren't too late for that movie.

Ella was really interested to see that new romance movie, she said there was an actor she likes a lot staring in it, so that's why I said yes to going.

However, I could not find as much enthusiasm as her.

Even worse, I don't remember much of the movie and it's not because it was bad, it seemed interesting but I was too distracted by sad thoughts.

I'm still disheartened from yesterday...

The lights of the movie room turn on and everything steps up and leaves, including Ella and I.

As we leave the movie room, she starts telling me all about the movie.

"Gosh, it was so romantic! That actor was so sweet to the girl! And that kiss in the rain too! So romantic!" She says mesmerized but I can't bring myself to share her enthusiasm and unfortunately, she notices.

"Carson? Why are you quiet? It is because you didn't like the movie?" She asks worried but I remain in low spirits, I try to diminish her worries by smiling.

"No, it was interesting," I say with a small smile but it fails to reach my targeted audience.

"Carson, I can tell something's wrong. You've been in a down mood the entire time. What's wrong? Please tell me." She asks me worried and I look at her hesitant to tell her.

Sensing I would protest, she begs me again.

"Did something happen at home? Or is it Cayden again?" She asks worried but I shake my head.

"No, it's nothing like that, I swear I'm fine."

"No, you aren't. Why aren't you telling me? Is it supposed to be a secret?" She asks worried but now confused.

"No but..." I say but I get interrupted.

"Then if it's not secret, you can tell me. I won't judge you, you know I won't." She says concerned and she does have a point.

Should I tell her...?

I look at Ella's worried gaze and I still hesitate.

She doesn't know that I kissed Emerick and that he's been pushing me away. I didn't tell her.

She still thinks that I like him and I have a chance with him.

I still hesitate but eventually, I can no longer stand Ella's worried gaze.

"I saw Emerick," I simply say and her eyes widen.

"Omg? Really where?" She asks suddenly curious but it's only once she notices my sad expression that she realizes it's not a good thing.

"What? What's wrong? Did Emerick reject you?" She asks rapidly now back to her worried state.

"Not exactly but yesterday after I left your house, I went to the convenience store and he was working there." I simply say even if I'm still sad at the thought of that and she looks at me confused.

"OK? Then if he didn't reject you? How is Emerick responsible for making you sad?" She asks confused.

"He ignored me, Ella, he hates me." I rapidly say sadly and her eyes widen.

"Woah, woah, calm down. What do you mean by he ignored you?"

"I asked him how come he's working there but he ignored my question and acted like we don't know each other," I say disheartened and her eyes widen.

"Wow, that's quite mean of him but I thought you were going to confess to him, did something happen?" She asks confused.

I look at her and hesitate to tell her the truth but I'm too scared to tell her.

"No, I found it really strange and now I'm just scared that he hates me now."

"No, don't say that. We can't be sure. I remember you said you fell asleep on him on the bus and that he let you sleep with him when you were sacred?" She asks as if trying to make sense of something.

"Um...yes?" I say knowing that's true that happened.

"Then, he can't possibly hate you, or else he wouldn't let that happen." She concludes and I frown.

Wait...Ella does have a point. Maybe Emerick doesn't hate me maybe it's something else...

But what could it be?