Once Simon had received his pay cheque and had moved most of his things from Asher's flat to his new one, there was only one last thing left to do.

"Step four! Step four! Step four!" Jeff grabbed his shoulders and shook him. All Simon could do was laugh. 

"I want to see his face so badly," Jess declared as she took the bottle of vodka from Charlie, who was sitting in the armchair. 

"Maybe we can put a hidden camera on your shirt," he suggested. 

"Do you think I can afford a hidden camera? I barely bought a TV," Simon replied, waving his hand towards the TV, to which Jeff had attached his old Playstation, which he said he no longer needed. Simon wasn't sure if that was true, but Jeff wasn't going to be convinced. 

"Maybe you should wait a little longer. Get more money out of Max," Jess suggested, and when Simon gave her a disbelieving look, she smiled and added, "I'm kidding." 

"I hope so." He took the bottle from her and took a swig. He still had bad memories of vodka, but cheap vodka had started this story, so it seemed appropriate to use it to celebrate. After all, he had his last two days with Max ahead of him. 

"Still. 4,000 dollars is a decent result. I still can't understand where he got that kind of money."

"That makes two of us," Simon said to her, handing the bottle to Jeff, who for some reason had sat down behind him and started massaging his shoulders. 

"Maybe he sold an organ," Jeff suggested. 

"I think he was loaning it to someone, if you know what I mean," Charlie replied. 

"And then he probably got the gift of STDs," Jess added. "Good business."

Simon chuckled. He was finally at the stage where he could rise above the situation instead of dwelling on it. "I'm just glad I didn't get a share of it," he declared. 

"Does he at least have a big dick?" Jeff asked and Simon turned his head to him with a look of disapproval. Jeff still looked at him expectantly and his question seemed to be a serious one. 

"Average," he answered at last. 

"Cheers to that." Jeff lifted the bottle of vodka into the air and then raised it to his lips. 

Simon chuckled again and shook his head in disbelief. 

"Don't listen to him," Charlie interjected into their conversation. "Jeff hasn't had sex in a month. His personal record." 

"That's not true!" Jeff removed the bottle from his mouth so quickly that a drop of vodka trickled down his chin. "My personal best is two months." 

"Nice." Jess made a genuinely admiring face and took the bottle from him. 

"Enough about sex. Some of us have a deficit," Simon declared, and before anyone could make an inappropriate suggestion, he added: "Voluntarily."

"In two days you'll find out if you want sex or not," Charlie assured him, taking the bottle from Jess. "Either way, you need to figure out what you're going to do as a fifth step." 

"It's got to be something epic," Jeff added quickly. 

"Can someone remind me what step five is?" So far Jess had only heard about the whole plan from Simon, but now she had the chance to hear it directly from the genius masterminds. 

"The ultimate payback," Jeff said in a tone that was somewhere between Terminator and sports commentator. Either way, he said it more than dramatically, causing laughter. 

"So smash his car, burn down his apartment or shave his head." Jess nodded, as if listing some common things, and then she added in an even calmer tone, "Or preferably all of the above."

"Or we can think of something that won't land me in jail," Simon pointed out. 

"Depends on how you handle step four," Charlie interjected. "If you're dramatic enough, you can wreck his flat in the process. Two in one." 

"What about his friends? Is any of them hot enough to get in their pants?" Jeff suggested.

"I'm not going to sleep with his friends," Simon assured him at once, and as the vodka slid into his hands again, he raised the bottle straight to his lips. 

"What if we made posters with his picture and false advertising about how haemorrhoids are nothing to be ashamed of?" Jess suggested. 

"That's not a bad idea." Charlie laughed, and he wasn't the only one. "We could use the money from him for that. He'd pay for his own humiliation." 

"If we want to embarrass him, we could post his address on the Internet as a brothel," Jeff suggested. 

"Oh my God. That would be great," Jess replied immediately, the alcohol in her blood fully showing now. Simon laughed at her overreaction and shook his head. He could feel the alcohol clouding his mind himself, but he still accepted the bottle when it came back into his hands.

"I always have the best plans," Jeff boasted, pleased that Jess appreciated his creativity. 

"But they don't always turn out the best," Charlie pointed out. 

"Details." Jeff just waved his hand at his words and took the vodka from him.

"This plan is great," Simon interjected. They were close to the fourth step and he thought nothing could go wrong. 

"Have you thought about what you're going to say to him?" Charlie's tone changed. Although it was still light, the change in his voice suggested that it was time for a more serious conversation. 

Simon paused for a moment. He had a chance to think about it, but he had no idea how he would react when he finally had the chance to confront him. It had been weeks since he'd found out, and he'd gone through phases of anger and sadness, but he still wasn't completely at peace with the situation. He wanted Max to feel the same way. He wanted him to feel the same humiliation, the same disappointment, the same betrayal. Everything.

"I'd like to say that I'll be calm, but I honestly have no idea," he admitted.  

"I don't think you should be calm. If I was in your shoes, I'd be screaming so loud the neighbours would call the police," Jess explained, drawing a laugh from her best friend. 

"Maybe a sexy officer will show up," Jeff interjected in a suggestive tone. 

"Men in uniform are sexy," Jess added. "Women in uniform are sexy." She wasn't finished. "Anyone in uniform is sexy." 

"I'll drink to that." Charlie lifted the bottle in the air, then took a long drink.

"A man in uniform doesn't sound bad," Simon relented. 

"See, that's my boy." Jess reached over and slapped him on the shoulder with a big smile. 

"For the record, I don't think you should hold back either. I think you'll regret it if you don't yell at him properly," Charlie picked up the subject again. 

"Mm-hmm," Jeff made a sound of approval. "After how long you've been holding back your anger at him, he should feel it. Let him burn in hell."

"The next plan could be called the seven deadly sins. He's already experienced lust, thanks to you he'll experience wrath and we'll figure out the rest," Jess chimed in. 

Before anyone could react, she screamed in delight and straightened up. Simon already knew that whatever came out of her mouth next was going to be really interesting. "Remember that scene in Mean Girls? When Cady gave Regina bars that made her gain weight instead of losing it. That could be gluttony." 

She was probably expecting support for her idea, but instead got a collective laugh. But rather than get upset about it, she joined them. 

"Envy will be when he sees you with a sexy cop," were the first words that came out after the laughter had died down. Jeff clearly took a liking to Jess's idea. "How much are we missing?" He turned to Charlie, who shook his head in amusement instead of answering. "What? You know I don't know those things." 

"Oh. We're still missing pride, greed and..." Jess counted on his fingers, but number seven was still missing. "And..." 

"Sloth." Simon decided to help her out before putting the bottle to his lips. 

"I think sloth applies more to Simon as well, but not quite in the exact sense," Charlie joined the conversation, and Simon gave him a curious look. "I'd say it's motivation for you not to delay the necessary." And by that he meant confrontation. Fortunately, Simon had no plans to back out. 

"Believe me, I can't wait to slam his apartment door for the last time. Preferably hitting him with it," he assured him. What Simon didn't know at the time was that he wasn't that far from the truth. Except that their breakup was going to be a lot more dramatic.