GIDEON

If it hadn’t been for my best friend, I don’t know how I would have coped with being a single father to my beautiful baby girl.

She was only three when her mother had walked out on us, and even though it wasn’t entirely my fault, I couldn’t help but blame myself for her decision.

I was the one who wasn’t performing my marital duties towards my wife. Sure, we’d have sex once in a while, but it wasn’t the kind a wife would have expected from her husband. I tried, I really did, but it was hard being with her like that, so I would always have to prepare myself both mentally and physically before getting into bed with my wife.

Serena had always tried to keep me satisfied and pleased, and since she found herself stuck in a loveless marriage with me, it was no shock to find out that she had been receiving love from someone else.

He was an ex-lover of hers, and I later found out that they had a baby together, a few years prior to our marriage.

She left us for a man who loved her and a son who had no idea she existed.

She left us–left our daughter–in hopes of creating a better life for herself.

And she succeeded in doing that. Until she couldn’t any longer.

She left my baby for hers, and in return, her life was slowly falling apart.

I had no parents to lean on. I had no siblings to offer me their support.

Most of the people in our town were pushing me to remarry, so I would have a wife, and my daughter would have a mother, but how could I? I didn’t want to put another woman through what I had put Serena through, and there was no way I would have another child only to leave them motherless.

So, with the support of Brandon Torres–a friend of my late father and a man I grew to respect well– we came up with a plan. We hustled, worked incredibly hard, and we managed to get to where we are today.

And now I stand as Gideon Florian James.

A name that’s known in our town of Harlington, and a name that’s respected. It took years to reach this point, but I managed to achieve it and I’m here to stay.

If it hadn’t been for William, for my best friend and my brother, I don’t know how I would have managed to survive. He was the one who kept my head straight, and my thoughts clean. Whenever I had a doubt about anything, William was the first one to help me.

My daughter adored him, and I knew he cared for her too.

He was there for us every step of the way, so I can’t say that I was too surprised when he expressed interest in marrying my daughter during the time I was looking for a suitor for her.

And when I accepted, and she did too, the two of them got married to each other.

My best friend. My daughter.

The two most important people in my life.

Which leads me to this.

WILLIAM: Who gives a shit? If you want him and you’re genuinely serious, go for it. You’re not getting any younger. We’re too old to worry about the things other people think of us.

I look at his message as my nostrils flare.

He’s right, but there’s still a small part of myself that finds it hard to admit the truth. And even though I don't owe anyone an explanation about my sexuality, I can’t help but feel like the world will come crashing down once more and more people find out.

FLORIAN: I know that. I just don’t want Lyra to hate me because of this. She’ll have questions for me, you know she will. What if she blames me for her mother leaving?

He reads my message.

Typing, then deleting, he types again, then deletes again.

I close my eyes and let a groan of frustration escape me.

I couldn’t be happy then, and I can’t be happy now.

I won’t have my daughter hate me for this.

But would she hate me?

When my phone buzzes, I open my eyes to take a look at the screen, and smile when I see an image of my daughter blowing me a kiss. My phone buzzes again and I read the message William has sent me.

WILLIAM: When has your daughter ever kept her mouth shut? She’s always had questions for everybody. And why does your first thought always go back to Serena? Nobody gives a shit about her, Florian. Your daughter loves you and she’d much rather see you happy with a man who loves you back than single and working your life away. If we were still at home, we’d be over at yours in no time and sent you on your way to finding yourself a lover.

I’m not in Harlington, I’m two towns over. But if he knew that, he’d get on the next flight home and slap me upside the head. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to respond, so I do it in the only way that I know how to.

FLORIAN: Thanks, man. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

His reply comes through immediately and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me laugh.

WILLIAM: Yeah, yeah. Now are we done? Your daughter’s getting desperate for my attention, if you know what I mean.

I shake my head as I type out one final response before putting my phone away.

FLORIAN: TMI, William. Keep my daughter safe and give her all my love.

Moving, I finally take a step inside and enter the dimly lit room.

Years ago, decades even, I was a regular in this place.

Dom’s Den.

It’s where I had all my firsts with a man, and it’s where I was free to express my sexuality.

It’s the only place far enough from home where I’ve felt comfortable enough to be me.

And for as long as I can remember, Dom’s Den has always been a sort of safe space for me, and when I returned for the first time here in over two decades, I knew just how badly I missed being me.

As my eyes scan the people that are here with me, I hope they find the one person I'm looking for.

Sweetness.

And when I do spot him standing at the main site, a deep breath escapes through my nose as I step closer towards him. He’s naked and I know he’s looking for his next client.

I guess he won’t have to wait any longer.